The Edge of Fire
by snapiesnape
Summary: She had loved Bill Weasley all her life. She had never loved another. But then there was Severus Snape. SSOC.
1. Prologue

_Hello everyone! This story was previously posted on my old fanfiction account with the same title, so if you're looking at it curiously, thinking "Haven't I read this before?", you probably have. I had to take it down for some personal reasons, unfortunately. Please leave a review if you liked it last time or like it now- the old post had hundreds of reviews and so many fans and I'd love for this one to receive some love as well. While the story isn't changing, I am editing it this time around, hence why updates do take some time. I've added some minor plot lines and chapters and removed some other other ones, as well as obviously editing for grammar and spelling and what not. Thanks and enjoy!_

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"I wouldn't be asking you to stay here at this hour if it wasn't of the utmost importance," Kingsley Shacklebolt said quietly. The light of daybreak was streaming into the dark office gently through a tiny hole in the curtain. She gave no reply. "I think you know what I must ask you."

She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "I can't…" She whispered.

"You must. We need to know, Gwendolyn." She looked away and focused in on the hole in the curtain. "I know… it's hard."

"You don't know," she said softly. She turned to look at him. "But that's all right. I wouldn't expect you to know or understand."

"Then help me to do that!" He grasped her hand from across the desk and she didn't pull away. "Please, Gwen. I beg of you. This story you have, this secret life you've been living, it has the answers we need!"

"Do you still completely trust me?" she asked, staring into his brown eyes. He shifted uncomfortably and let go of her hand.

"That… remains to be seen. I want to very much, but…"

"But?"

"You've been hiding this from us- from all of us, for years! I just don't know why… and I wish to know why!" Kingsley sighed. "It isn't just for me, Gwen. It's for you. For him. For Snape."

"Stop," she choked, looking down again.

"Please don't let it all have been in vain," he said softly.

"You're going Auror on me," she said coldly.

"Don't think of me as an Auror. Think of me as your friend. You're telling your friend a story." Friend...

There was a moment of silence and a bird was heard singing from outside the window. Besides that bird, the world was still. It had been a long night and everyone was sleeping. Or dead.

"I'll tell it," she said suddenly, breaking the silence. Kingsley smiled kindly.

"Thank you."

Gwendolyn nodded and inhaled deeply. "I've never told anyone the whole story. Tonks knew the general idea. Only Dumbledore knew it all. But, you know…"

"Dumbledore knew everything," Kingsley said sadly.

She smiled. "He still does." Her smile faded. "Don't… don't tell everyone everything. Only what you need to tell. I'm sure, by now, most of them know the general idea." He nodded in agreement and she continued.

"It started three years ago…"


	2. The TriWizard Tournament

Gwendolyn O'Shea sighed in her seat.

She had not been very young when the war against Voldemort was raging on. She remembered reading the _Daily Prophet_ and other papers and articles, reading contradicting stories. She heard whispers in the halls that made more sense than what she was reading. Trying to understand what was true and what was not, she would ask everyone she knew what they had heard. It was thrilling, discovering the stories. She loved it.

Her first year, the war had ended. Professor Dumbledore announced the morning after Halloween that while everyone had been in a food induced sleep after the feast, Lord Voldemort had fallen and Harry Potter defeated him. Except Harry Potter was a baby. Dumbledore explained briefly, but it was not enough to satisfy her. After breakfast, she had scurried up to Dumbledore's office, since it was a Sunday and she didn't have class. He was welcoming and offered candy, but she wanted facts, not sweets. What had happened? How did a baby stop a war? Where was the baby? And while her Headmaster had not given away everything, for some information was classified, he gave her more insight into what occurred. As she was leaving his office, he had said, "Perhaps I'll see your name as a reporter for the _Prophet_ , Miss O'Shea."

She fell in love with the idea.

Her fifth year, she went for counseling with Professor McGonagall. Though Gwendolyn never understood why she was a Gryffindor, she was proud and very grateful she had such a helpful Head of House. She told McGonagall what Dumbledore had said.

"I have one pamphlet. After you graduate Hogwarts, usually the norm is to do a year of training with the _Daily Prophet'_ s journalism team. You merely need to apply at the end of your seventh year and submit an essay on why you want to report. If you're accepted and do well, you'll be working for the _Daily Prophet_ when you're 20." McGonagall looked at her grades and teacher recommendations list. "If your OWLs go as expected, you are set to take Advanced Transfiguration, Potions, Defense, Astronomy, History of Magic and Charms. Professor Sprout does not believe you are apt for Herbology and your Care of Magical Creatures grade is not too fine. Nor is Ancient Runes, but who can blame you."

"What would I need for journalism?" she asked anxiously. She was so excited to finally start preparing for her future. McGonagall looked over the pamphlet.

"They recommend NEWT level Charms, Defense, History of Magic, and Muggle Studies. They also are impressed with NEWT Ancient Ruins." Gwendolyn groaned. How she despised Ancient Runes. "I suggest you work hard to raise your Ancient Runes grade and study well for the exam. It is doable, if you really want it."

"I do!" Gwendolyn exclaimed. She then paused. "Professor, I've never taken Muggle Studies."

"Perhaps we can arrange something, seeing as that is quite important, according to the pamphlet." She handed it to Gwendolyn. "I would also advise you to take Transfiguration and Potions again. You are doing quite well in both and if you change your mind, NEWTs in those subjects could be of aid to you."

So off she went, excitedly grasping the pamphlet of her future. Her OWLs were fine, and she was able to continue with Ancient Runes and started her journey in Muggle Studies. She kept Transfiguration and Potions, as per McGonagall's recommendation, but by the end of her seventh year, she found them pointless and ignored them.

And like everyone else, her Hogwarts journey came to an end and she graduated, having been accepted for journalism training. When she was 20, she started working as a proofreader for the _Prophet_.

She didn't like it. It wasn't what she wanted. Everything was too sketchy and she soon learned not all news was true. She wanted to write thrilling stories about battles and scandals and government issues. She wanted to tell the truth and investigate. But she told herself that if she worked hard, she'd win in the end. And she did.

Now, she was here, 24 years old, at the TriWizard Tournament. She had been asked to write about the final task. Rita's stories had been thrilling! Dragons and love affairs and Harry Potter, the boy who lived, stealing the stage from Cedric Diggory. The glories of Hogwarts, the graceful Fleur Delacour, and the scheming Viktor Krum.

It was a dream come true when she was told to go to Hogwarts that day. But nothing was happening. The champions were in a maze and nobody could see them.

She saw a shadow cross over her notebook, which she had been staring at blankly. Looking up, her eyes met Molly Weasley's. "I thought that it was you from across the bleachers!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. Gwendolyn smiled and stood to hug her.

"Hello, Mrs. Weasley! What on earth are you doing here?"

"Well, all the champions families are here and Ron- you remember little Ron, don't you?- he and Harry have been good chaps since their first year, so me and Bill have come as Harry's family."

"Bill's, er, here?" Gwendolyn asked awkwardly.

"Yes, he's just come back from Egypt." Molly could feel the tension. "Don't worry, dear, you don't have to see him if you don't want to."

She wasn't sure. Perhaps, had things been different, she would have wanted to.

She had been in school with Bill Weasley and they had been fast friends. Her fifth year, they both became Prefects and after spending so much time together, began dating. At the end of seventh year, Gwen applied for her training and Bill applied to Gringotts. And he was given a job in Egypt. So he broke up with her.

She would have been over it by now, had it not been for… oh well. It didn't matter. She didn't have time for boys anyway. She had tried dating Andy Smudgley, who worked with her, but it faded as soon as it had started. They were too busy and too different.

But none of this mattered. Her mind was always going off track. "I wouldn't mind saying hello," she said gleefully. Molly beamed and motioned for Gwen to follow her.

They reached their seats and Bill stood up when he saw them approaching. He smiled warmly at her. "Hi, Gwen." They hugged and Gwen could see Molly beaming when she saw.

"Hi Bill. How are you?"

"I'll be right back," announced Molly. She dashed away quickly.

"I'm alright. I'm sorry I haven't written. Work has been really busy."

"Same," she agreed half-heartedly. It was busy, but never too busy for Bill. Obviously, Bill didn't feel the same way. "I didn't know Ron was friends with Harry Potter."

"Yeah, I just recently met him. He's a good kid. I'll introduce you later, if you want. What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm writing the article for the third task!" Gwendolyn exclaimed. "Rita Skeeter is banned from Hogwarts, so I was picked."

"That's fantastic! I never liked that Skeeter woman anyway. Did you get anything?"

"Yeah, plenty. I interviewed Karkaroff and Dumbledore briefly. I'm hoping to interview a champion once they come out. But it's been rather dull for a while now." They both looked at the maze. She turned her gaze back to Bill. "Bill, I'm sorry about the summer." He looked back at her.

"Don't worry about it," he said with a shrug. "It happens. I'm sorry too. Friends?"

She nearly grimaced at the word, but instead, smiled. "Friends." 


	3. The Decision

Dumbledore read the article very slowly. He looked up at her and smiled.

"I knew you would be fantastic, Miss O'Shea."

Gwendolyn was filled with pride. "Thank you, sir."

"However, I severely doubt this article will be published."

It was 4 am, the day after the Tournament and Gwendolyn secretly wished that her boredom would have lasted the entire night. Cedric Diggory's death was an absolute tragedy and the return of Lord Voldemort was absolutely devastating. She remembered the first war, the constant fear and darkness. Nobody wanted a second war, but she believed Harry Potter and Albus Dumbledore in their claims. She had seen the Dark Mark on Snape's arm. Molly Weasley and Bill also had no doubt that Voldemort had returned. She was a reporter, and she knew how to face reality, no matter how awful.

"Why not?"

Dumbledore sighed and stood up from his desk. He slowly walked to the window and gazed over the grounds. "The Ministry refuses to believe that Voldemort has returned."

Gwendolyn looked at him dumbfounded. "What do you mean? Then how do they think Cedric died?"

"A tragic accident, they have dubbed it," he explained. "The Prophet has always been under severe Ministry influence so such an article will probably be denied."

"But it's the truth!"

"And newspapers do not often write the truth, as you must know by now, my dear." Gwendolyn grew frustrated. She wanted to scream. What she had witnessed last night was pure insanity and she wrote it as honestly as she could.

"So… what do I do?"

He turned to her and smiled sadly. "You have worked hard, my dear. Perhaps try and submit it. The worst your editor can say is he won't accept it."

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"We won't accept this."

Gwendolyn groaned. "Why not, Mr. Cuffe?"

Barnabus Cuffe looked at her as though she was insane. "You cannot tell the wizarding world that You-Know-Who is back!"

"Why not?" she argued. "He is back! I saw Cedric's dead body!"

"Did you see You-Know-Who?" countered Cuffe.

She paused. "Well, no. But Harry Pott-"

"He's a lunatic," he dismissed, handing her back the article. "Give your notes to someone else and have them write me a real article."

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The rest of the week was just as awful. She was given little stories and assignments, nothing like the enormous task of the TriWizard Tournament. Rita was back from wherever. She spent the whole week at her desk, writing irrelevant stories that nobody would read. People only wanted front page stuff and she wouldn't be writing anything of the sort for a while, she was sure.

But on Friday, Betty Braithwaite, her closest friend at the Hogsmeade office, came to her desk. "Gwennie," she cooed as she approached her little cubicle. "There's a man at the front desk asking for you."

Gwen perked up. "A man? What kind of a man?"

"What do you mean?" Betty squealed, hitting Gwen's arm with a paper she was holding. "A maaaaaan! Definitely hotter than Andy. I've never seen him around before! He's got red hair."

 _Bill…_ Gwen grinned from ear to ear and leapt up. She dashed down the stairs to the main lobby and there he was, at the front desk. He hadn't noticed her yet, so she fixed herself quickly, then strode over to him. "Hi, Bill," she said sweetly. "What a surprise to see you here!"

"Hi, Gwen," he greeted with the charming smile she had fallen in love with years ago. "I hope you had a good week."

"I did, thank you," she said with a false confidence. "So, what can I do for you?"

"I need to talk to you. Are you free to go to lunch now?"

"Sure! Let me just, uh, get my purse! I'll only be a minute." She hurried up the stairs back to her cubicle, where Betty still was. "Guess who's going on a date?" she said smugly.

"No way! Who is he?"

Gwendolyn grabbed her purse and looked at the curly brown locks in the mirror she had in her cubicle. "His name is Bill Weasley. I knew him at Hogwarts and he's just come from Egypt. I saw him last week at the school." She grinned at Betty. "I'll be back in an hour."

"Have fun! Get it, girl, I'm so excited for you!" Betty winked at her and walked away giggling. Betty had been pushing Gwen to try with Andy again, but whenever someone else showed interest, suddenly he was better. Gwen went back to join Bill and the two went to the Three Broomsticks. It was crowded, but a table was open.

"Now, listen Gwen. This is extremely important." She nodded enthusiastically, expecting loving words, declarations of hidden emotions, maybe even apologies. "Do you believe You-Know-Who is back?"

Her excitement immediately faded, but she was intrigued by the question. "Yes. Of course I do. They wouldn't publish my story on it, though."

"I heard from Dumbledore. I'm sorry, Gwen."

"It's fine," she said, waving it off as though she didn't care. Bill loved adventure, Bill loved care-freeness. She had always brushed things off as though they were nothing in front of him. Maybe he caught on. Who knew?

"Do you believe that Harry and Dumbledore are crazy?" He continued. She raised an eyebrow.

"Of course not. Bill, what is this all about?"

"What do you say about helping stop You-Know-Who?"

"You mean… like fighting?" She asked, absolutely shocked at his line of questioning.

"Remember when we were dating, I told you about the Order of the Phoenix? The group my parents joined in the First War?" She nodded, wondering if things were so bad they were now in a Second War. "Well, it's back together. Everything is very secretive right now and we aren't openly fighting, but Dumbledore has regrouped everyone and added new people. He wants someone in every branch of work and well, he wants you, Gwen."

Gwendolyn blinked. "Me? Why?"

"You're in publicity. We don't have anyone there yet. You're clever, brave, he trusts and likes you. We voted on it last night and everyone was fine with it. He wants you to join. I do too."

A group to fight You-Know-Who? Gwendolyn had never been one for dangerous things. Though she was a Gryffindor and she had always longed for adventure, she had never done something like this. But she didn't want him to win! But was she ready to do something so risky?

"What would I have to do?" she inquired. Bill passed her a slip of paper.

"Here are the terms and conditions," he murmured. "Turn it to ash when you're done and do not lose it any cost. When you've made up your mind, go to Dumbledore."

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"I've made up my mind," she said to Dumbledore in his office two days later. "I want to do it."

"The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix is Number 12, Grimmauld Place, London."


	4. The Order of the Phoenix

Gwendolyn was nervous.

She didn't really know why. She knew some of the Order members, from what Bill told her- the Weasley clan, Professors Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall, and Hagrid. She had met Sirius Black at the school during the Tournament, which was _terrifying._ Dumbledore certainly had some characters in this Order of his. Despite knowing a few people, she wasn't sure things would go well. She had heard of Mad Eye Moody, the Auror, and how he scrutinized anyone who set foot in Headquarters. Her first meeting was tonight and she wasn't sure she was ready to be interrogated by him.

She walked down Grimmauld Place in Muggle London and stood between numbers 11 and 13. She inhaled deeply and dug her nails into the palm of her hand. "The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix Is Number 12, Grimmauld Place, London" she whispered. Slowly, but surely, the house appeared before her eyes. She gaped at what she had just seen. Magic never ceased to amaze her. She glanced around the relatively empty area and then dashed up the stairs and into the house.

It was quiet by the entrance, but she could hear voices in the distance, from another room. She glanced at her watch. It was only 6:30 and the meeting was to start at 7. But as she looked at her watch, she took a step forward and accidentally knocked over a bucket of umbrellas. _Bang!_

"WHOOOOOOOOO WAKES ME?" Gwendolyn whirled around to see a painting, a ferocious painting, screaming at her, staring into her eyes with rage. "FILTHY HALF BREEDS AND MUDBLOODS INFESTING MY HOME, HOW DARE HE, HOW DARE HE-"

"Shut it!" a voice behind her shouted in anger. Someone dashed past her in a whirlwind of brown curls and covered the painting hurriedly with a black tarp. There was nothing left to hear but muffled cries beneath it. Sirius Black turned to look at her. "It'd do you some good to be quiet in the hallway. She hates to be woken and we can't take her down. Wretched thing."

"S-sorry," she stammered, still recovering from the frightful painting. She picked up the bucket, then stood to look at him. "Well, hello. I hope I'm not too early." She still wasn't quite sure if she liked Sirius Black, but offered him a small smile. He didn't return the gesture.

"You're alright. I'm not sure if you know anyone here yet, but they're all in the sitting room. Come." She followed him to a room where four unfamiliar people were sitting on the couches, talking. "Hey, you lot. This is Gwendolyn. She's our newest recruit." She smiled and greeted them and the group seemed fairly receptive. He gestured at each member as he introduced them to her. "Remus Lupin, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Nymphadora Tonks-"

"Will you stop calling me Nymphadora?" a young girl with bright pink hair exclaimed impatiently. Black rolled his eyes.

"-and Mundungus Fletcher. Sit down over there, next to Tonks." He glared at the girl called Tonks. Gwendolyn felt like an intruder in their little group, but she took her seat. "So anyway-"

"How did you hear about the order, Gwendolyn?" the man called Lupin asked from the other couch.

"I'm friends with Bill. Bill Weasley."

"I know Bill!" exclaimed the obviously loud and chatty girl beside her. "I went to Hogwarts with him."

"As did I," Gwen said, looking at Tonks curiously. "I was in his year. What House were you in?"

"Hufflepuff and proud! Perhaps you don't recognize me- I didn't often morph in school."

"Morph?"

The girl's hair flattened and turn brown and her face grew tighter and younger and she shrunk an inch or two. She looked like a teenager and suddenly it clicked.

"Well now I recognize you! But I don't believe we knew each other."

The girl went back to the pink hair and natural face. "I was three years younger than Bill."

"Where do you work?" asked Lupin. Mundungus Fletcher started snoring and Kingsley Shacklebolt kicked him in the shin to wake him.

"I, uh, work for the Daily Prophet." Gwendolyn said, slightly repelled by Fletcher's stench and rudeness. What a clan of people Dumbledore had collected.

"That's why Dumbledore wanted her," explained Sirius. "So someone could keep an eye on the press."

"Well, that must be a fun job," said Remus with a smile.

"Fun is one word for it," she said with a slight smirk. "Where do you all work?" She asked, looking around the room. Mundungus was asleep again.

"Well, Dung doesn't do anything legal," Kingsley muttered. "I work for the Ministry as an Auror."

"As do I!" said Tonks.

"I taught at Hogwarts about two years ago," Remus said quietly. "But I have some medical conditions that prevent me from working."

"And I do nothing!" said Sirius with sarcastic joy. Gwen started to feel extremely awkward and suddenly wanted to go. Sirius Black was certainly not the most heartwarming of hosts and his attitude towards her put a damper on the overall pleasant mood of the room.

But the front door open and three Weasley boys ran in loudly and dashed up the stairs, followed by a girl with poofy brown hair, shouting after them. The portrait started screaming and Mrs. Weasley shouted for Sirius to go fix it. She bustled in with Mr. Weasley and a girl who had to be Ginny. Gwen was shocked at how ladylike Ginny looked, how grownup. The years had flown by, hadn't they? Mrs. Weasley went into what was probably the kitchen to put down the bags she had carried in.

"Hello, everyone," Mr. Weasley greeted. He smiled at Gwen when he saw her. "Hello, Gwen." She smiled at him.

"Hello, Mr. Weasley."

"I need everyone's help in the kitchen, if you want to eat!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked. Everyone hurried into the kitchen. Gwendolyn slowly stood up and noticed Ginny Weasley had stayed behind and was looking at her.

"I know this sounds awkward," she said softly. "But you were Bill's girlfriend, right? You look mildly familiar."

Gwen laughed. "I was. Hi Ginny. I haven't seen you since you were seven."

"I'm fourteen now," she said with a smile. "You're in the Order?"

"Yes," she said, as the two girls started towards the kitchen. "This is my first meeting."

"This only their third," Ginny explained warmly. "You haven't missed much. And mostly everyone here is quite friendly."

"Mostly?"

"Well Dung is always sleeping, and Moody is rather harsh. And Snape is just a jerk. But everyone else will like you, don't worry."

It shocked her how calming the words of a fourteen year old could be.

They went to the kitchen and sat at the long table with the rest of the motley crew while Mrs. Weasley started dinner. The front door kept opening and closing as others joined them in the kitchen. Hestia Jones, Emmeline Vance, Dedalus Diggle, Mad Eye Moody (who glared at her harshly, as expected), and Minerva McGongall. The kitchen became too crowded and Molly shooed everyone into the study.

"Imagine the look on Albus Dumbledore's face if his army was drooling over dinner instead of ready for the meeting!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked above the crowd of people leaving. "Ginny, dear, keep stirring and when it's finished, keep it on low heat! Don't burn iIIIIT- FRED, GEORGE I HAVE HAD ENOUGH, GO B- oh Merlin!"

Gwendolyn couldn't help laughing at the spectacle as she walked with Tonks to the study. Inside, a circle of chairs was set up. There was a podium, obviously for Dumbledore. Tonks smiled at her. "I was nervous my first meeting too. But, I dunno, I've only met a bunch of these chaps a few weeks ago and it feels like a family. An odd one, mind you." The two girls sat together.

The rest of the group came in and sat down and Gwen noticed the children were not allowed to sit on the meeting. Ginny was apparently keeping her eye on the dinner, and the rest of the Weasley boys were upstairs. Speaking of Weasley boys, soon enough, in walked her favorite one. He saw her immediately and sat beside her.

"I'm really glad you said yes, Gwen," he smiled at her.

"Me too."

Finally, just about at seven, in walked Albus Dumbledore, followed by Severus Snape, who took the final empty chair in the room. Dumbledore walked to the podium and the meeting began.

She was introduced as the newest member, then the discussion turned to Harry Potter and who would be retrieving him from his aunt and uncle's house. They spoke of what was expected. Voldemort, the Ministry, Harry, and new, fascinating things she had never known about the war. The pieces clicked together in her mind and then without a doubt she knew she had picked the right side of the war.

She also learned about her role in the Order- to destroy or change as much anti-Harry or anti-Dumbledore propaganda as she could. She had to be meticulous, of course, and careful. Too much lost would cause suspicion. But it gave her great happiness- maybe her work would feel worthwhile again.

After the meeting, most of the group left, but a good number stayed for dinner and Mrs. Weasley insisted Gwen stay, too. She was reintroduced to Fred, George, and Ron and met their friend Hermione, who was staying with them. Mrs. Weasley explained that her family, along with Remus were living at Grimmauld Place for the summer in order to help clean up the place and to keep Sirius company. Tonks informed her that she often stayed the night, as well.

So she ate dinner with the Weasleys, joined by the Black cousins, Hermione Granger, Remus Lupin and Kingsley Shacklebolt. Mrs. Weasley seemed over insistent on making Gwen feel at home. She explained that tonight's dinner group was rather small- sometimes Professor McGonagall would join, as well as Dung and Mad Eye Moody. Emmeline Vance had eaten with them just last night, Hermione added. Tonks started talking about how tomorrow was a cleaning day and while she was excited flailing her arms about, her first slammed into Remus's food and Gwendolyn burst out laughing.

Perhaps she would get along with them. 


	5. Blue As Wine

After work the next day, she decided to go to Grimmauld Place to help the Weasleys, Lupin, Sirius, and Tonks clean the dingy house.

Well, if she was completely honest, she just wanted to see Bill.

To her disappointment, Bill was still at Gringotts, but he would be back in two hours for dinner, according to his mother. She assigned her the task of going upstairs to the attic, where Buckbeak the hippogriff lived, and helping Sirius clean, to her displeasure.

She opened the attic door to see Sirius, not cleaning, but drinking from a bottle of firewhiskey. Excellent.

"I can't even get a knock," Sirius muttered.

"Mrs. Weasley told me to come help you clean," Gwen said rather harshly, not feeling sympathetic for the man.

Black scoffed and waved his hand around in a drunken fashion. "Come take a seat. It's pointless to clean up here. That thing-" He gestured towards the sleeping hippogriff. "-always makes a mess of it again." She looked at the hippogriff intently as she sat down on the floor beside him, secretly glad to not clean. She was never the helpful sort.

"Why do you have a hippogriff in your attic? Are owls not good enough?"

He looked over at the beast lovingly. "We're both wanted criminals," Sirius said, with a melancholy tone to his voice. "We ran away together and now we're in hiding together." He laughed, nearly maniacally, and Gwen was tempted to get up and go. She didn't know what to make of this man. He then cleared his throat. "Sorry if I was rude to you yesterday. Some days it just hits me that I'm trapped here indefinitely and I can be a bit snappy."

She didn't know if it was the liquor talking or if he was being genuine, but she accepted it either way. Might as well try to get along with him. "Don't worry about it. I'd go mad if I was trapped in this house all day." They smiled at each other. He offered her the bottle and she accepted and took a chug. Bad rum.

"We're probably going to have a few parties, according to Mrs. Weasley. It was Tonks's idea. I used to go out and party all the time, before I was arrested. So Tonksy thought it'd be nice to bring the parties to me."

"Tonksy?" Gwen raised an eyebrow and grinned.

"Ah, don't go all reporter on me! She fancies Remus."

"Does she really?" Gwen was a little surprised. She usually caught such things.

"And you fancy Bill Weasley."

"And you say I'm going reporter?" Gwen retorted.

"Oh, it's obvious, Gwennie- can I call you Gwennie? I think I'm rather drunk. You look at him the way Tonksy looks at Remus." Gwen started to laugh and she snatched the bottle away from him. "Oi! What are you doing?"

"I'm going to pour this down the sink while you clean. Mrs. Weasley is going to check on you, so you best be starting. Besides, this is disgusting!" Sirius pouted playfully, but he was too drunk to get truly angry. He started waving his wand around pointlessly, making dust fly around the hippogriff and Gwen rolled her eyes and went downstairs.

She went to the third floor bathroom and dumped out the contents of the drink into the sink when she heard muttering from behind her.

"Filthy half-bloods, mudblood, half-breed scum in the house of my mistress, how dare they, how dare they…"

Realizing it came from behind the shower curtain, she whisked it to the side and pointed her wand at the sound. There was an old, wrinkly, and absolutely hideous house elf hiding in the bathroom. "Oi! Merlin!"

"Scum, scum, scum," he kept repeating like a broken record, staring down the drain. She dashed down the stairs to find Mrs. Weasley.

"Mrs. Weasley, did you know there's a house elf hiding in the third floor bathroom?" she exclaimed breathlessly. Lupin and Ron started laughing at her surprise.

"Yes, dear, he hides everywhere, don't worry about Kreacher," she said nonchalantly as she finished cleaning up the dining room table. Gwen sighed in relief and grasped onto the chair in front of him.

"He is _wretched!"_ She declared. Ron was still laughing until his mother hissed at him.

"Come, Gwen, let's go to the kitchen and you can help me."

So she followed the Weasley matriarch into the kitchen and the two women started working to prepare supper. "So," Mrs. Weasley started. "How have you been, dear?"

"I've been alright. Work has become my life, I'm afraid." Mrs. Weasley rang out a fake laugh.

"Very nice. Do you have a boyfriend?"

How awkward. Gwendolyn gave Molly a sideways glance. "Uhm, no."

"How funny! None of my boys are with anyone either!"

"Mrs. Weasley, please…"

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey," she apologized. "It's just… you and Bill were so good for each other and if he hadn't gone ramping around Africa, I might have some grandchildren."

She had been slightly worried that Mrs. Weasley would have some grandchildren about a year ago. Bill had come home from Africa for the first time since graduation for the World Cup and after their rendezvous…

"You don't mind him being here? Bill? You're friends, right?" Mrs. Weasley asked eagerly as Gwen awkwardly washed some lettuce.

"Yeah, we're friends." Mrs. Weasley would have been thrilled if she knew of Gwen's true feelings for Bill. But Gwen felt that saying anything would make her look pathetic. It _was_ pathetic, wasn't it? Being in love with your high school boyfriend so many years later...

"Well, see! That's nice! He'll be home soon, you know. From Gringotts. He works very hard, Bill does."

Gwen wasn't sure what to say next, but luckily, Tonks came dashing into the kitchen and slipped on some water and collided with Gwen. The lettuce went everywhere and the two girls ended in a heap on the ground, covered in salad. Mrs. Weasley started shouting ferociously while they were laughing.

"And these are our brave soldiers who will defeat the Dark Lord- covered in lettuce."

The noise in the room died down at Snape's comment from the doorway.

"Ah, sod off, Snape!" Tonks snapped, waving her wand and making the lettuce disappear. They got up quickly. "What are you even doing here?"

"I need to speak with Black."

"He's with the hippogriff," Gwen informed him.

"That's exactly what I need right now, Gwendolyn. A vague response. Wonderful." Snape muttered. Gwen felt like a student in his classroom again.

"How was that comment necessary?" She asked rather briskly. There was a deranged laugh from behind Snape and drunk Sirius pushed his way into the kitchen.

"Did ya hear that? Aw, Gwennie doesn't like ickle-Sevikins either!"

"Sirius Black, are you drunk?" demanded Mrs. Weasley furiously.

Snape nearly smiled. "Isn't this fantastic? Nevermind. I'm sure the Headmaster will be absolutely thrilled when I tell him I could not obtain the information he needs from Sirius Black because he is intoxicated." Snape left the kitchen abruptly and in a few seconds, the front door slammed shut.

"What an arse!" Tonks exclaimed, helping the wobbly Sirius to a chair.

"Sirius Black, you best have cleaned that attic or I will have your head!" Mrs. Weasley warned.

"Calm down, Molly, you sound like my mother!"

"I will not calm down!"

"I think you all should be a bit nicer to Severus," said Remus, who had obviously heard the whole ordeal from the hallway. "He puts his life on the line for us everyday and he may not be the nicest person in the world, but he deserves our respect." Gwen remembered when Bill explained everyone's roles in the Order the night before and Snape was certainly important.

"I don't like him much," Bill had said. "Not sure if I trust him. But Dumbledore does and that's what matters, I suppose."

"I'll give respect when I get it!" declared Tonks.

"What do you think, Gwennie?" asked Sirius, his words slurred, a lopsided grin on his face.

She shrugged and raised her hands in defeat. "I don't think he's worth even discussing. He's in the Order, we've got to put up with him."

The conversation drifted from Snape, as conversations do when someone says something like that. They all talked and soon enough, Arthur, Bill, and Kingsley got off work and joined them for dinner. Mrs. Weasley made absolutely sure that Gwen was seated beside Bill, to Gwen's silent delight. The group tried to not talk about the war, for that seemed to be all anybody ever talked about. Around nine, the children went upstairs to talk amongst themselves, and Kingsley went home. Arthur and Molly went to their room at around ten and Sirius went to bed to sleep off his drunk headache.

Bill, Gwen, Remus, and Tonks were sitting in the sitting room, playing cards and drinking from a mead bottle they found in a closet. It was then, at that sweet moment, at nearly midnight, when she was dozing off by Bill, and felt tipsy from the mead, that she felt everything was alright.

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"There she is!" Cuffe exclaimed, walking towards Gwendolyn's cubicle the following Monday. "My absolute favorite adventure-seeker!"

Gwen did not look up at him, but continued to check the article she was proofing. The article's author needed it back in fifteen minutes.

"So you know how you're always drawling on about how you wish you could do adventurous stories and blah blah blah?" Cuffe said vibrantly, ignoring the fact that she had not replied.

"If you want to refer to my carefully chosen words as "blah blah blah", then yes, I suppose. Dammit!" She had blotted a bit of red ink on the parchment. Damn quills. Muggles used pens. She liked pens. She even had a few of her own. But quills wrote prettier and thicker than pens and that was how people liked their articles edited.

"Well, I have a story I need you to write! We want to know if the shops in Diagon Alley are as nice as Knockturn Alley!"

She dropped her quill and turned to look at her superior. "You need someone to write an article about that to tell you? You can just look down the dingy street and you already know!"

"Yes, but do any respectable people go there to see for themselves? No! So nobody really knows. So your assignment is to go there and have a story about what you've seen on my desk Wednesday morning!"

"And how is that adventurous?" she muttered, turning back to finish her work.

"Knockturn Alley is sketchy. Full of uhm, mild danger. You'll love it!"

Gwen finished her work and stood up. "I'm sure," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

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It was nearly seven when Gwen finally left work and went home to change for her "adventure". She lived in a little flat in Hogsmeade, which was extremely convenient seeing as she worked in the village. But she was planning on moving to Muggle London, since wizarding communities were too small and everyone always knew about her business. She didn't like that.

She changed into black robes and replaced her work heels for boots. She tucked a notepad and a pen into her robes and Apparated into Diagon Alley. The streets were alive for a Monday night, she noted, scribbling it down. She had always liked the Alley, but it never seemed like a place with active night life. It was August, so the sun wouldn't be setting quite yet. She always felt safe alone anywhere as long as the sun was up.

She finally reached the little nook where Knockturn Alley was. Why did it seem so much darker down there compared to Diagon Alley? She walked down the few stairs and put her hood up over her head. She knew she was safe, but still, there were some sketchy characters here. Looking around, she took mental note of all the shops. They looked dingy and dark and run down. She knew Hagrid had gone to one of the apothecaries to stock up on stuff you couldn't find anywhere else. Maybe she would take note of that. Too bad Hagrid was in the mountains with the giants.

"Hello, sweetheart," someone said from behind her. She turned around and an old hag was smiling eerily at her.

"Hello," she said quietly.

"What beautiful eyes you have," the woman cooed. Of course she would take note of her eyes- everything else was covered in robes. "Blue as wine."

"But wine is-"

"Bluuuueeeee as wiiiiine." The woman started to screech and Gwendolyn quickly walked away, deeper into the alley. Who would want to come here? Not exactly where to take your kids school shopping! She would write that down later.

She stepped into a few shops. Some had creepy store owners staring blankly at the wall. Others had creepy store owners who stared at her. Only one had other customers- two goblins were buying cauldrons at Potage's. But just about every store was full of dark objects and things related to the Dark Arts. This must be where Voldemort finds all his recruits. She smirked to herself. Obviously. Everyone knew that. This was a waste of time.

After into a shop where the shopkeeper wasn't even present, she decided to get writing before she headed home. But where could she write? She eyed a pub a little down the road.

"The White Wyvern," she whispered to herself as she read the sign. "Nothing white about this place."

She peered inside the window to see the pub was full. She had learned full pubs were better to hide in than empty ones, so she stepped inside.

The pub was full of oddballs. She quickly avoided everyone and sat at an empty table and started to write. She talked about the contrast of the Alleys, of the creepy wizard folk that lurked here, of how unwelcoming it was. Writing was magic, she believed. And writing brought the truth to people. Even when it was silly little truths, like Knockturn Alley being a bad place. It was still something.

She wouldn't give up her job for the world.

She couldn't tell if it was dark out because the whole alley was dark and covered in a grey mist. _If I was Minister, I would have eradicated this place years ago!_

The pub smelled of cigarettes and odd drinks she had never smelled before. She looked around at people's glasses and saw brightly colored liquids. Odd. The darkest alley in England and they have bright drinks. They look almost neon!

"What can I getcha?" coughed a grimy looking man, who standing met her eye level while she was sitting.

"Uhm, do you have firewhiskey?" she asked, trying to sound tough. Firewhiskey was the most hardcore thing she had ever ordered.

"Lady, if you want girly drinks, go to the Leaky Cauldron," he spat loudly, turning a few heads. She blushed, but nobody could tell since it was so dark in the pub.

"Right, okay, thanks," she said, gathering her things. The man wobbled away and Gwendolyn felt a sudden urgency to leave.

But as she was standing up, someone jolted her back down. She looked up to see three men at her table.

"Don't let him bother you, sweetheart," one of them said, smiling and revealing very yellow teeth. Her heart was pounding rapidly.

"Thanks, uhm, well, I'm fine, bye," she said, standing up. But they wouldn't let her through.

"You sure?" said another man. "He sure looked like he was botherin' ya."

"No, he wasn't, I'm fine!" Gwen said, louder this time. "Excuse me, please!"

"Not so fast. You look like a nice girl. What are you doing around this parts?"

"I need to go! Let me pass!" She started pushing her way through, but the men started grabbing her, and pulling her and one of them pushed her down to the floor.

"I heard a jingle! Where's the money?"

"I want more than money!" shouted another.

She tried to stand up, but they kept pushing her. She desperately tried to get away, knowing that anyone else here would probably help them and not her. She started to scream as one of them picked her up, probably to shake the money out of her. Suddenly, she was dropped to the floor and the men disappeared and someone was pulling her by the arm out into the alley.

"Let me go! Stop pulling me!" she shouted desperately. She squirmed and squirmed but she was unable to free herself of the grasp, until he let go.

"What the hell were you doing in there?" Snape yelled. "Do you know how dangerous it is for people- especially women- to lurk around these parts? What were you doing?"

"Snape," she whispered, a wave of relief rushing over her. It was Snape. "Oh, Merlin." She sunk to the floor.

"Get up!" he hissed, pulling her by the arm.

"Okay, enough with the pulling!" she snapped, moving away from his touch.

"It is imperative that we get out of here right now." He started up back towards Diagon Alley and she hurried to match his stride.

"What did you do to them?" she asked, terrified.

"I punched one and stunned the other two. Luckily, nobody there tonight runs in my circles. Nobody but dunderheads and lowlives go to Knockturn Alley pubs on Monday nights." He was trying to take a dig at her.

"And yet, both of us were there tonight," Gwendolyn snapped. She could slowly see the happy gleam of Diagon Alley in the distance, but she could hear shouting from the pub behind her.

"You still haven't answered my question. What were you doing there?"

"None of your business!"

"Oh, Gwendolyn, it's very much my business," he said in a low voice. "For a member of the Order to be in Knockturn Alley, a prime recruiting spot for Death Eaters, when she was not assigned to be there."

"And how do you know I was not assigned to be there?" she countered. They were walking faster, the promise land becoming nearer. They passed the old hag she had met upon coming in and suddenly the shouts from behind her seemed louder and closer. She grabbed onto Snape's arm in fear that she would be grabbed.

She felt herself being sucked into a straw and they were in front of Gringotts. Snape had Apparated there. He turned to face her.

"Because I was assigned to be there."

Well, that made sense. "I was too… but not by Dumbledore. By Mr. Cuffe, my boss. He wanted a story on Knockturn Alley so he sent me there."

Snape raised his eyebrow. "He sent a woman alone in Knockturn Alley at night?" She nodded and started readjusting her robes. "What a bright man you work for. Where do you live?"

"Hogsmeade," she said quietly, suddenly feeling very stupid at the sense of safety she had felt upon entering the alley. Snape was right, as Cuffe had been. It was not a safe place.

"We can Apparate there together," he said, offering her his arm. She took it and they were outside the Three Broomsticks. "Close enough?"

"Yeah, my place is right around that bend." She gestured in the direction of her flat.

"I'll walk you to the door," he insisted.

"It's-" She was about to object when she realized her insistent bravery about walking around alone in dark places was what got her into this mess. "Alright."

They reached her flat quickly. "Good night, Gwendolyn," Snape said, about to leave.

"Snape, wait." He turned to look at her. She was tempted to ask him why he had been so rude towards her the other night at Grimmauld Place. She didn't consider him a friend, but after the Yule Ball, she had thought they had some sort of silent truce. But she shook the thought away and instead said, "Thank you. Merlin knows what would have happened to me had you not been there." Her voice was filled with extreme gratitude.

He suddenly didn't look so cold and he simply nodded. He turned down her street and back towards Hogwarts and Gwendolyn sighed with a smile and went inside. 


	6. Halloween

_Gwen,_

 _I know we said we would play cards tonight, but we can't. Something's come up. See you Saturday and remind Bill to bring his Egyptian wine._

 _-Tonks_

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She had initially only hung round with members of the Order because Bill was there. He liked to keep Sirius company, liked to spend time with his family because he had been away for so long.

But now she had started to really enjoy the company of their little group, so much that even when Bill wasn't around, she would still stay at Grimmauld Place. Sirius Black was much friendlier towards her now, drunk or sober. She and Tonks had grown much closer. Tonks was so spunky and fun and Gwen adored it. Besides, having another young woman her age in the Order was comforting.

It disappointed her a bit that they wouldn't play cards. However, she had left that night's work at Headquarters the night before, so she needed to go to Grimmauld Place to pick it up.

She had eerie feeling about going this night. The moon was high and full in the sky and she walked cautiously and hurriedly to the house. Ever since that night in Knockturn Alley, her paranoia had been amped up.

She reached the house and slipped inside. They should really keep that door locked, even if it was protected by a spell. Whatever. She rushed upstairs to "her room". Ever since the Weasley children, Hermione, and Harry had gone back to school and their parents had gone back to living in the Burrow, she had kept a room at Sirius's house, in case she got too drunk to go home. She slipped inside and grabbed the paperwork when she heard a fantastic and ear piercing howl from below.

"What the-" Heavy thuds, howls and barks suddenly shook the house and she dashed down the stairs to the main floor. "Sirius!" she shouted. "Tonks"

"Gwen, what are you doing here?" exclaimed Tonks, who had been in the kitchen. "I told you we couldn't play tonight!" She seemed almost angry with her.

"Didn't you just hear that?" Another ferocious howl rang through the house. "It's coming from the basement!"

"Gwen! You shouldn't have come!"

"Why don't you seem frightened by what's happening?" Gwen screamed over the howls and barks. "There's a beast in the basement!"

"That isn't a beast," Tonks murmured softly. "That's Remus."

All fell silent and it was if the animal downstairs knew it was a time to stop howling. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"Remus is a werewolf," Tonks confessed. "I would've rather he had told you himself. But I forgot that it was tonight. That's why we had to cancel cards." Tonks sighed and ran her hands through her lime green hair.

"So he… he has to go through becoming… vicious… every month?"

"No," Tonks said, walking with her to the sitting room, where they sat on the couch. "Snape usually makes him a Wolfsbane potion each month so he can keep his human mind when he transforms. But something went wrong with the ingredients this month so I locked Remus and Sirius in the basement."

"Sirius is a werewolf too?"

"No, he's an Animagus. He transforms into a dog and helps keep Remus calm."

"Oh." There was an awkward silence and all that could be heard was the ticking of the clock. "I'm sorry. I forgot my work for tonight here and I just came to fetch it." It was only midnight. "You're staying up all night? Alone? Waiting for the moon to set?"

"That's the idea," Tonks sighed, bringing her knees to her chest.

Gwen put her papers on the table. "I'll stay with you. Are you any good at proofreading?"

Tonks grinned. "I got an A in English in Muggle school."

"Then let's get to it!"

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Betty and Gwen walked down the streets of Muggle London every day during lunch in September, unless it rained. "I'm going to move here," she said dreamily. London was her favorite place.

"You say that every day!" Betty waved her off. "Let's get something to eat! I'm starving!"

They found a small café on the side of the road and got sandwiches and chips. "Sometimes, I love being single," Gwen mused. "If I had a family, I couldn't spend money on lunch every day."

"Are you sure you're single?" Betty teased with a wink.

"Yes," Gwen snipped playfully. She ate a chip and thought about it. "Though, I'm not quite sure how long it'll last."

"Have you guys shagged?"

"You're so rude- you don't just ask someone something so personal!"

"That rule doesn't apply to best friends," she pointed out. Gwen rolled her eyes. Betty was too blunt.

"No, Betty, we have not shagged since… Hogwarts," she lied. Mentioning the Quidditch World Cup wasn't necessary. "But we've gone out to eat. We spend lots of time with his friends and family."

"I know, you're never free anymore," Betty complained. "You know, Andy was asking for you last week. Everyone at the office went clubbing and you were with your new friends you met Merlin knows where and he was inquiring after you." She stuffed a few chips in her mouth. "So if this doesn't work out with Bill, you always have Andy."

"Great," she said sarcastically.

"So do you guys snog?"

"No."

"Then you're not together," Betty said matter-of-factly. "I would think that makes it obvious."

"I _know_ we're not together. I'd like to be."

"So snog him somewhere!" Her friend said, sounding exasperated.

They paid and continued their stroll. They passed the Leaky Cauldron and considered going to Diagon Alley, but decided against it. "I haven't gone there in the longest," Gwen said, waving it off. "Not that interesting."

"You wanna know what I heard?" Betty exclaimed suddenly. "I forgot to tell you about it when it happened- but someooonnnee told me that youuuu went thereeee with Professor Snape!"

"What- who told you that?" Gwen was shocked. They had to have been visible in the Alley for no more than two minutes!

"So it's true! A reporter always good sources!"

"I saw him there when I did that stupid Knockturn Alley story," she muttered. She hadn't told anyone of her experience in the pub there. "I merely spoke to him for a moment. What a load of rubbish you are, gossipping about me and Snape!"

"Oh calm down, Gwen!" Betty said, slapping her arm playfully. "I heard about it from Rita, though I'm not sure how she found out. She's been wanting to do a story on him for Witch Weekly for ages. But she's banned from the school, you know, so she's waiting to see if anyone gets close to him so they can get the facts for her."

"Snape isn't interesting enough for a story."

"Nothing and nobody is interesting enough for you," Betty whined. "Except, of course, Bill Weasley." She winked at her again.

"I'm going to move here someday," Gwen said again, getting lost in the essence of London and the thought of Bill Weasley.

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September faded into October and Gwen was growing impatient. Two months of these games and she still had not snogged Bill, nor was she sure if they were getting back together. His tentativeness was odd- seeing as they shagged after seeing each other for two hours a year ago. But she didn't want an emotionless shag with Bill. She wanted something more.

After learning about Lupin's "furry little problem", a barrier was broken in the group and things seemed much more comfortable. Time seemed to fly! Work and the Order and spending time with friends- new and old- and figuring out Bill Weasley- it all completely stuffed her schedule. It was shocking when it was suddenly Halloween and the day of the party Sirius had been looking forward to forever.

It was also when Gwen would snog Bill Weasley again.

Well, she was going to try.

"Your hair," she said to Tonks as they got dressed in her room at Grimmauld Place. "Looks so cool."

Tonks flipped it and flashed a smile. Her hair was in curls, some black, some orange. It took her a while to morph it perfectly, but now she looked stunning. Her dress was black and sparkly and she was wearing big orange pumps. "You think so?"

"You look like the queen of Halloween!" Gwen winked at her. "Remus will definitely love it."

"You and Sirius are annoying," Tonks groaned. "I don't fancy Remus!"

"Sure, sure."

"What about you and Bill?" Tonks countered.

"I don't lie," Gwen replied, looking at herself in the mirror. "I fancy Bill."

"Well, he'll like what you're wearing," Tonk said with a low whistle. Gwen had on a red dress and black heels, her long brown hair straight down her back.

"Please, I would give anything to have fun colored hair without damaging it to hell!" They left the room to go downstairs. From the sound of it, there were quite a few people there.

"Gwen, you've got to help me," Tonks said worriedly. "I can barely walk with sneakers on." Tonks gripped Gwen's arm as they carefully hobbled down the stairs. By the final flight, Tonks felt rather confident and nearly made it to the bottom. Nearly. She tripped on the last step and fell hard on the floor. Remus went to pick her up quickly, to Tonks's delight. She blushed when she noticed Gwen looking at her with a sly grin.

By ten, Sirius was already drunk and had turned on a little radio and was dancing with everyone as they finished eating their helping of Mrs. Weasley's grand feast. It was eleven when Gwendolyn was dancing with Kingsley and Sirius started imitating Dumbledore dancing. Tonks fell into Sirius, tripping on seemingly nothing and the two lay on the floor laughing for what felt like forever.

It was twelve when she _finally_ was dancing with Bill in the sitting room. Mostly everyone was in the kitchen or the study- or upstairs doing Merlin knew what. She felt a little tipsy and so did everyone else. Sirius had passed out in the corridor. She and Bill were finally alone.

"I haven't felt like this in ages," Gwen sighed, staring into the sparkling light blue eyes.

"Like what?" he said softly with a smile.

"Exhilarated," she breathed, brushing the messy red hair out of his eyes. "I feel wonderful!"

"As do I," he said softly. The song was slow and smooth and Gwen had heard it many times before. And she knew it was coming to an end.

It was time.

She put her hands around his neck and pulled him closer to her. He was still smiling.

"May I?" she whispered and he nodded slightly.

And she kissed Bill Weasley. If it had been a fairytale, beams of light and gusts of wind and flower petals would have swirled around them, entwining them together forever. She was lost in his kiss, as she had been so many times.

But it was not a fairytale and nothing magical swirled around them, though, to her, it felt like that. They broke apart and started laughing. Like kids who just snuck to the Astronomy Tower to have a snog, giggling and looking around.

And they kissed again.

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	7. Nice to Meet You, Mr Malfoy

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It was a chilly November afternoon and Gwendolyn was in London, on her way to the Ministry. Since the Prophet and the Ministry were so intertwined, it was very often that they were sending workers to and fro. Her superior had sent her to leave some paperwork with a man called Yaxley.

The Ministry was a grand, shiny building, filled with people. She really didn't know where Yaxley's desk was, or he was, but she knew where Kingsley's was. She went on the lift to his floor and found his nice, tidy office.

"Gwen, what are you doing here?" he asked, standing up to greet her. She liked his office. The walls were dark blue and the desks and frames were a dark wood. His office reflected him. One of her goals was to be given an office instead of a silly little cubicle.

"Hi, Kingsley," she said grinning. "I need to drop off some papers with a Mr. Yaxley. Can you show me his office?"

"Yaxley?" Kingsley seemed concerned.

"Yes, that's who I was told to see. Why? Don't you know him?"

"No, I do, it's just…." He faded off for a second, then whispered in her ear. "He's a Death Eater, Gwen."

Her eyes widened. "Is he… will he…"

"I don't think so," Kingsley said softly. "They don't want to be revealed just yet. But be careful what you say around him."

"I will be."

"Then right this way." Kingsley led Gwen through the Ministry. Everyone seemed to know and like him, for everyone stopped to say hello and shake his hand. Kingsley introduced her to some people and they all seemed very nice. But she had to remember that these people would hate her, and Kingsley, if they knew what they stood for.

She had thought about if often. Mr. Cuffe knew Voldemort was back and so did Betty, but they would never say it out loud. They just said things like, "We can't always publish what we want to say." How she wished the _Prophet_ would rebel! The majority of opinions being formed on the topic were based on what the _Prophet_ was publishing. But if anyone admitted that they believed he was back, they were shunned. All because of stupid Fudge and his stupid Ministry.

They reached Yaxley's office and the man stepped outside when Kingsley knocked. "Good day, Mr. Shacklebolt," Yaxley greeted.

"Hello, Mr. Yaxley," Kingsley replied in his deep, hearty voice. "I have a woman here from the _Prophet_ who needs to see you." He turned to me. "This is Miss Gwendolyn O'Shea."

The man called Yaxley looked at her and gave her a grotesque smile. There was an air about him that she did not like and it did not surprise her that he was a Death Eater. "Hello, Miss O'Shea, how may I help you?"

"Good day, Mr. Yaxley," she greeted, giving the smallest of smiles so she didn't seem rude. "I have some paperwork for you from Mr. Cuffe."

"Ah yes, I was expecting those. Come inside and we can sort them out." He opened the door for her and she turned back to Kingsley.

"Thank you, Mr. Shacklebolt," she said with a smile. They shook hands and Kingsley went back to his own office while Gwendolyn went inside Yaxley's.

Yaxley's office did not have the warm vibe of Kingsley's. It was darker and while it did not look slimy, it had a creepy quality to it. He pulled out a chair for her and she sat. He took the paperwork from her and started to look it over.

"You are a reporter for the _Daily Prophet,_ Miss O'Shea?" he questioned. Gwen mentally raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, Mr. Yaxley," she responded, almost curtly. He continued to look at the papers.

"And tell me what your most exciting story has been."

She remembered Kingsley's warning. But then again, perhaps this Yaxley already knew what she had written and wanted to see if she was being especially cautious. "The third task of the TriWizard Tournament," she said sweetly. "And an article about Knockturn Alley." Yaxley's eyes seemed to widen as he stayed focused on his papers.

"How very interesting." He looked up and reached for a quill, then signed the papers and handed them back to her. There was a knock on the door and Lucius Malfoy walked in before Yaxley could let him. She had never seen him before in person.

"Hello, Yaxley, I hope I'm not interrupting," Malfoy said, his voice like that of a snake. Gwendolyn was suddenly intimidated. Two Death Eaters in one day.

"No, no, we've just finished. Miss O'Shea was it? This is Lucius Malfoy." Gwendolyn stood up, clutching her papers.

"Hello, Miss O'Shea. It's a pleasure to meet you, though I believe, we have met before."

"Hello, Mr. Malfoy. I'm afraid we haven't met before," Gwen said quickly, smiling slightly. She turned to Yaxley, who still seemed rather taken aback by her comments. "Thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Yaxley. I'm sure Mr. Cuffe will be very pleased."

"As he should be, Miss O'Shea," he said shortly. "Good day." Gwendolyn was about to leave, when Malfoy stopped her.

"I'd be very happy to walk you out, Miss O'Shea."

That was the last thing she wanted to do. But he was staring at her intently and she was mildly afraid to see what would happen if she said no.

"Very well."

"Was there anything you needed, Lucius?" Yaxley called out.

"It can wait," he said, slimily and Gwendolyn was revolted. He opened the door for her and led her down the halls of the Ministry as Kingsley had done not long ago. But people seemed to be afraid of him and the few that greeted him called him by his last name. "I believe I have you seen you upon my visits to Hogsmeade. That is where you work, is it not?"

"Yes," Gwendolyn said cautiously.

"Wonderful, wonderful. I am very involved with the going ons at Hogwarts, you know."

"Interesting," she said in the most uninterested voice.

"You know, Miss O'Shea, these are very pressing times," he drawled on. "I've seen you with some company that ought to be avoided."

"Mr. Malfoy, I'm sure I am capable of knowing who ought to be avoided or not," she said with the most false sweetness she had ever used. He was quiet for a moment, then continued.

"You are quite right. I have seen you with a good friend of mine. You do know Severus Snape, do you not?"

"Yes," she said slowly. Everyone knew that Snape discussions were not to occur outside the Order. He was in a very delicate position.

"I believe I saw you with him one night in the village."

Gwendolyn's mind went racing. She didn't know what would happen if Snape started getting questioned about her. "You must be mistaken," she lied smoothly.

"Then how do you know him?" Lucius countered.

"He was my professor when I was at Hogwarts," she said, her voice raising slightly. She saw Tonks pass them and Tonks gave no indication of knowing her. She would see her tonight at the Order meeting.

"I have see-"

"You seem to have seen quite a bit, sir, but unfortunately, we are at the exit," she said quickly. Malfoy looked at her with his eyes slightly squinted.

"Indeed," he muttered. "Very well, Miss O'Shea." And he walked away abruptly. Gwen sighed with relief at his departure and quickly went back to the Hogsmeade Office.

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Immediately after the Order meeting, Gwen hurried over to Snape before he left. "Snape, I need to ask you something." He didn't reply but merely looked at her. "I saw Lucius Malfoy at the Ministry today," she explained and he raised his eyebrow. She had his attention. "He said he saw us that day in Hogsmeade and I told him he was mistaken, but I'm not sure he believed me. Will you get in any trouble?"

"The Dark Lord won't mind if I was seen with a woman that is not officially associated with the Order," he said, sounding bored. "But since you have denied it, I will as well, though I doubt it will be brought to my attention. The Dark Lord has much greater things to be concerned with than who I was seen with for three seconds."

"Oh," Gwen muttered, realizing she was being sort of silly and overdramatic. "Well, that's good."

"Anything else?"

"No." Without a goodbye, he turned and went down the hall and the front door could be heard closing. Suddenly, Sirius and Tonks rushed over to her.

"Why were you talking to Snape?" Tonks asked, hitting her lightly on the arm.

"Because… ugh, it's a long story. Do we have to talk about it here and now?" she whined. Her feet hurt and she was hungry and the smell of Molly's spaghetti was going to make her drool.

"Didn't realize you were friends with Snape," Sirius huffed roughly and Gwen groaned and rubbed her temples.

"We can talk about this later, okay? It's not a big deal."

"As long as you're sure?" She looked at Sirius and saw he was concerned for her. He didn't trust Snape.

"I'm sure."

"Then we're off to dinner!" Sirius took her arm and Tonks's and they went into the kitchen to devour the supper Molly had prepared.

That night, Bill was working, so Gwen stayed with Tonks, Remus, and Sirius at Grimmauld Place and again, the question of why she was talking with Snape came up.

"Well, a while back, I had an assignment for work in Knockturn Alley."

"I hate Knockturn Alley," Tonks moaned, slouching further in her seat at the thought. "I have to patrol there all the time and it's just dreadful."

"Well, nobody was patrolling when I went!" Gwen huffed. "Anyway, some guys were bothering me and Snape was there, so he sort of saved me from them and took me home."

"Snape was in Knockturn Alley?" Lupin asked. "Why?"

"He said Dumbledore ordered him to be there."

"The greasy git's probably lying," Sirius said. "Dumbledore wouldn't want him around dark things."

"This doesn't explain why you were talking to him today," Tonks pointed out.

"Well, you saw that Lucius Malfoy was talking to me at the Ministry? He was saying that he saw Snape walking me home and I denied it, so Snape wouldn't have to answer questions. I just needed to warn Snape in case something happens."

"Nothing'll happen," Sirius waved it off. "Honestly, Gwennie, I didn't think you cared about Snivvykins."

"I don't," Gwen said. "But it'd be my fault if something were to happen, so I figured I'd at least let him know."

"I think we need to trust Snape more," Lupin said, like he said every time Snape was brought up.

"I think we need to stop talking about Snape, it's so boring!" Tonks cried, pulling out her deck of cards.

"Again? I'm so sick of cards," Gwen whined.

"I have wizard chess," Sirius suggested.

"For four people?"

"I also have liquor."

Nobody complained.


	8. Christmas

This chapter has some text from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. 

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November faded into December and suddenly the world was covered in Christmas.

"I love Christmas!" Gwendolyn exclaimed as she and Betty walked to the Three Broomsticks in the snow. "Everyone's always so happy and there's peppermint candy and sparkling lights! I love it!"

"What are you doing for Christmas? We're having an office party the day before Christmas Eve, don't forget."

"I won't. I guess I'll go visit my dad." They reached the little pub and got a table.

"If that doesn't go well, you're welcome to come to my place!"

Gwen smiled at her. "You're a sweetheart. I'd love to, but Bill's family invited me over as well."

Rosmerta came over and took their orders. When she left, Betty winked at Gwen. "How is that going?"

"Wonderfully," Gwen said with a content sigh. "I always knew we weren't finished, you know? It's been a bit crazy- Bill's been so busy training this new recruit and you know how things have been at work."

"I'm so happy for you, Gwennie," Betty said gleefully. Their lunch arrived and they ate it and then stayed in the pub chatting about the boys Betty had been seeing.

"You're too pretty to even deal with boys," Gwen said. It was true. Betty had blonde hair and the prettiest brown eyes. She carried herself in a manner that made every wizard fall at her feet, but none were good enough for her. She glamorized the single life.

"Ah, but it's fun! I'm not ready to settle, Gwen, I'm too young!" She took a gulp of her mead. "No offense to you, that's you. But I can't…. I never see myself getting married or anything. I need constant excitement. All these boys are so boring."

They started talking about the boys at work, laughing and imitating them. The pub was warm and covered in Christmas lights. Everyone was laughing and eating and outside, the snow was falling gracefully. If someone had taken a picture, it would've been fit to put on a Christmas card.

Gwen was happy.

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The weeks would have been perfect, had the attack on Arthur Weasley not occurred. Bill came to her flat at around 2 in the morning one night, panicking about his father's condition. Gwen hurriedly dressed and they went to St. Mungo's to see his father in horrible condition.

She had never seen Bill so broken, sobbing at the sight of his father. Arthur was unconscious, but the Healers assured them that he would be alright. Gwen tried to be positive and encouraging towards her boyfriend, but Bill seemed to just push her away.

The next day at work, Gwen had an odd feeling about Bill's behavior. But she knew she was over thinking it- Bill's father had nearly died that night. But he was okay now. It would all be alright.

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"Merry Christmas, Gwen!" Ginny exclaimed, as Gwen stepped into Grimmauld Place on Christmas Day. The place was decked out in Christmas decorations and lights and it smelled delicious. The two girls hugged and Gwen took off her coat and hat hung it in the hall. Bill appeared in the hall and smiled at her.

"Merry Christmas, dearest," Gwen said sweetly, hugging him enthusiastically. He seemed a bit stiff.

"Merry Christmas. Everyone's in the kitchen." They went to the kitchen and everyone greeted Gwen. They sat down to eat dinner.

"I'm so happy I was able to make it," Tonks said in between bites. "I visited Mum and Dad last night."

"How are they? I haven't seen Andi in ages," Sirius inquired.

"They're good. I wish I could tell them you missed them, but…" Sirius waved it off.

"I saw my dad yesterday too, Tonks," Gwen said.

"Where does he live?" Mrs. Weasley asked from down the table.

"He's in Scotland now."

"Where's Hermione?" Remus asked Ron.

"She went on ski trip with her family."

"I've always wanted to ski," Gwen responded.

"Muggle sports have always fascinated me!" Arthur exclaimed at the end of the table. He was covered in bandages, but seemed well recovered from his incident with the snake. Gwen glanced at Harry Potter, who was sitting beside her, looking absolutely miserable.

"I hope you aren't upset because you're sitting next to me," she said softly and directly to him. He looked up.

"No… I'm just… It's nothing."

"You like Quidditch, don't you?"

"I love it," he said, perking up immediately.

"Do you follow it internationally?" she asked smiling at him.

"A bit, yeah."

"Well, seeing as I work at the Prophet, we get all the firsthand information about who's being drafted to the teams," she explained. "I've also got lots of unpublished stats and interviews from players that got cut from the sports section." He seemed extremely interested. "If I brought them over tomorrow, would you care to take a look?"

"Yeah! Absolutely," he said, sounding mildly excited. "Thanks!"

"I know this war is difficult, Harry. It's the little things that make it better." She gestured down the table at their family of misfits and Weasleys.

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A few days after Christmas, Gwen was at Grimmauld Place, enjoying her week off, reading a book in the sitting room. It was a lovely winter afternoon. The kids were upstairs playing wizard chess and Mrs. Weasley was upstairs with Mr. Weasley. Tonks and Bill were at work and Remus was upstairs taking a nap, while Sirius was eating in the kitchen. There was a knock at the door.

Gwen put the book down and got up to get the door, surprised to see it was Snape. "Er, hello Snape. There isn't a meeting today."

"I'm aware," he said. She shut the door behind him and he stayed in the hall. "Is Potter here?"

"Yes, he's upstairs. Is anything wrong?"

"I have to speak to him, on Dumbledore's orders," Snape explained. Sirius walked in from the kitchen.

"What are you doing here, Snape?" he demanded. "There isn't a meeting today."

"I am perfectly aware that there is not a meeting today," he spat.

"Then you have no reason to be here," Sirius hissed.

"He needs to talk to Harry," Gwen explained and Sirius's eyes filled with rage.

"No, he does not!" Sirius said angrily.

"Sirius, you'll wake Remus!" Gwen snapped quietly.

"I do not have all day," Snape said. "The headmaster has ordered me to come here and speak to Harry Potter and that is what I intend to do, if Black can stop acting like a child!"

"I will be there," Sirius declared. "I'll be there when you talk to him."

"It is a private matter, Black-"

"I don't care!"

"Suit yourself," Snape said impatiently, looking at Gwen. "Can you please tell Potter that I await him in the kitchen? Before tomorrow, if that suits you."

She wanted to retort, but was too weary and instead silently climbed up the stairs. She heard voices from Ron's room, so she poked her head in and saw that they were still very much involved in their game. "Harry," Gwen called. "Could you come down to the kitchen? Professor Snape would like a word with you."

"Squash him- _squash him_ , he's only a pawn, you idiot- sorry, Gwen, what did you say?"

"Professor Snape is in the kitchen. He'd like a word."

The group of children stared at her in horror, mouths gaping open in shock and fear. Gwen wanted to burst out laughing. She would have had the exact same reaction if Snape had appeared at her house during holidays. Snape's reputation had certainly not changed since she had left Hogwarts. But she knew that Mrs. Weasley wanted the children to respect Snape, so she did not laugh.

"Snape?"

"Professor Snape, dear," she corrected. She nearly lost her self-control. It was just too funny. "Now come on, quickly, he says he can't stay long." She left the room and went down to the kitchen, where Snape and Sirius were seated at the table, staring at each other. "Er, Harry's on his way down right now." Neither of them said anything, so Gwen went back to the sitting room to read her book.

She heard shouting coming from the kitchen, unsurprisingly. She didn't get up to see what was wrong, for she knew Snape and Sirius were always going at it. She continued reading as the shouts got louder. She continued reading when she heard Mr. Weasley break up the fight. And she continued reading when she heard Snape storm out of the kitchen and slam the front door on his way out.

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Besides Arthur's hospital visit and Snape's fight with Sirius, Gwen would have been able to say that it had been one of the best Christmastimes she had ever had.

It was New Year's Eve at Grimmauld Place and everyone was gathered in the living room, drinking and listening to the radio. The kids were playing with Crookshanks on the floor. Bill and Gwen were wrapped up in each other's arms on the couch and Gwen noticed Remus and Tonks were deep in conversation and she smiled.

"What are you smiling about?" Bill asked. She looked into his eyes.

"I'm just happy to see others are on their way to being as happy as us." Bill didn't respond.

The New Year hit and everyone drank. Tonks and Remus disappeared, to the glee of Gwen, and Mrs. Weasley sent the children upstairs to bed. Sirius was drunk out of his mind and went to his room and Gwen felt nostalgic. It was just like the Halloween party, where they had started.

"Hey, Gwen," Bill said. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," she said sweetly. There were a few stragglers in the sitting room, so they went in the kitchen. Bill seemed terribly uncomfortable. "What's wrong?"

Bill didn't speak, then looked at her. "Gwen, I… I feel like I've been doing you wrong."

Gwen took his hand reassuringly. "No, you're not. This has been-"

"Please, let me finish." She looked at him alarmed.

"Bill, what is it? You're… you're scaring me." Her stomach was turning quickly.

"Gwen… we need to break up."

They fell into a dead silence and Gwen felt her perfect holiday being shattered to the ground.

"What?" she whispered.

"This was a mistake," Bill said softly, looking distraught. "Please, Gwen, I just-"

"Stop."

"But I-"

Gwen pushed past him, slamming the kitchen door, not caring who saw, not caring what anybody would say. She grabbed her coat and ran outside, into the London snow, hearing distant, drunk voices still singing. Auld Lang Syne.

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	9. The Birthday

The joy of Christmas quickly faded.

She found out from Tonks why Bill had broken up with her.

"The recruit he was helping," Tonks had told her sadly. "Her name is Fleur Delacour, the Beauxbatons champion. He, er, well, they're together now."

She was devastated, again, by Bill Weasley. How on earth could she have been so ridiculously stupid?

Oh, she knew why! She loved Bill! She was crazy for him! He was her one true love, she had been so _sure_ of that... maybe she could fix it! The French girl wouldn't stay with him for long! Those types of girls got bored with guys like Bill. Maybe Gwen had another chance.

Shattered by Bill Weasley, her bright countenance was gone. Until, late one night, her boss asked her the question she had been wanted to be asked forever.

"I need you to write a front page story," he had said.

Her heart had soared to the clouds. Fuck Bill! Her career was here! It was time for her to shine! Her dream was coming true!

"Interview the Minister and his workers about the Azkaban breakout and about how Sirius Black is involved."

Her heart sunk back. 

So, a week after New Year's, she went to the Ministry and interviewed Fudge and collected all the information she needed for an article about why her best friend was responsible for all of the horrible things in the world. She would write it tomorrow. 

The war was catching up with her and she needed a distraction.

She left the Ministry to find that the snow had turned to rain. She covered herself in her robes, leaving her purse out to become sopping wet, and she hurried into the Leaky Caludron.

She dumped herself into a seat, tossing her purse on the floor. Taking off her hood, she released her hair into the warm air. It was frizzy from the rain that had slipped through the protection of her hood. A waitress sauntered over to her. "I'll just have a fire whiskey," Gwendolyn said softly to the woman. She nodded and went to fetch the drink.

Gwen sighed and ran her fingers through the knotty mess. It was revolting, really. How was she to be a reporter if she could only report unimportant stories or lies? It confused and upset her greatly- especially since she was finally writing to her full potential! Why did this all have to happen now?

But she knew that wasn't all she was upset about. She missed Bill. It was a flame that had been extinguished… until she saw him again. She couldn't stop remembering loving him, wanting him. She was so silly, so naïve. Maybe she needed to stay away forever.

Was Fleur really that much better than her? Did the ditsy blonde truly make Bill happy? What did people even see in her?

She was looking around the pub, which was rather crowded for a cold Wednesday night. There were girls at the bar, being wooed away by some young wizards, whispering sweet nothings in their ears. There was a massive family in the back. Everyone seemed to have someone. Everyone had someone to be with or at least be distracted by.

That was when she noticed Severus Snape sitting alone in the corner, playing with an empty glass. Strange, she had never thought of Snape to be the type to go to a pub unless assigned to, and why would anybody be assigned to the Leaky Cauldron? No, he was here for him. Maybe he was meeting someone? She watched him for a moment more and decided no, he was not. He did not glance at the clock or the door. His eyes were focused on his glass. She scanned the bar once more. Nobody else was alone besides Snape and she was certain (fairly certain, because you could never be certain with Snape) he didn't want to be. She certainly didn't. Maybe he would be able to give her some solace, even in his rather prickly company. Anything was better than nothing. So she picked up from her purse from the wet floor and tried to smooth out her frizzy hair. She walked across the pub to his table.

"Hello," she greeted. He looked up at her, his face emotionless.

"Hello."

She gestured toward the seat beside him. "May I join you?"

"If you'd like." She smiled and put her wet purse on the ground again and sat beside him in the booth. The waitress took note and brought her firewhiskey over to their table. She thanked her and downed it in one gulp, the beautiful release of alcohol rushing to her head. She put down the glass and looked at Snape, who was eyeing her with a curious expression.

"What?"

"You're drinking away your sorrows with firewhiskey?" He slightly sneered at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Who said I'm drinking away my sorrows?" She retorted.

"I'm rather perceptive," he said sarcastically.

"I just had a stressful day at work," she explained. "I have no _sorrows_ that need to be drowned. And forgive me if this drink isn't hardcore enough for you and whatever you've been drinking." She gestured towards his glass. 

"I had one glass of wine, I don't believe that classifies as 'hardcore'." The waitress returned and refilled Gwendolyn's glass and she downed half of it. She looked at him again, feeling strange. The mystery man of Hogwarts, Rita Skeeter had dubbed him. _Oh no…  
_  
"So what is truly ailing you, Gwendolyn?" Snape said with a sigh. He continued to play with his glass and Gwendolyn silently wondered why he did not just order another one. She placed her glass to her lips and took a hesitant sip.

"You certainly don't care," she said plainly. He raised an eyebrow.

"Now, why would I ask if I didn't care?" 

"To make mundane conversation, like at the _Yule Ball."_ Her emphasis on the words made him widen his eyes slightly.

"The situation is quite similar, you _graced_ me with your presence and now I am forced to socialize with you." She downed the rest of her Firewhiskey, her cheeks now flushed. He looked mildly impressive, leaned back in his seat, his robes off and on the seat beside him, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Maybe impressive wasn't the word… _attractive._ Wow. She never thought she would describe Severus Snape as attractive. Maybe only at the Yule Ball, when they were standing by the door, as Hagrid was drunkenly cheering…

"Then leave," she said softly, looking at him rather intently. She realized her thigh was pressed up against his, the space between them gone. It wasn't the firewhiskey. The firewhiskey was her excuse- it was making her bolder. Snape said nothing, but slowly looked her up and down. It made her feel uneasy, how quiet he could be, how long he could wait. How controlled he was. It was what made someone a good Potions master. 

"I'd rather not," he said, breaking her stupor. "And you have ignored my question."

"Nothing's wrong," she whispered. "Everything's fine"

"I don't think you'd be here if that was the case," he countered.

"You don't know me," she snapped back.

"Anything else for you, Professor?" The waitress broke them off from their little argument. Snape shook his head and silently handed her the galleons for his drink. "Thank you, Professor." He didn't say anything and she moseyed back behind the counter.

"So why are _you_ here?" Gwendolyn asked, her voice lowered to hushed tone. "Since people only come here when they aren't fine, apparently."

He shrugged, still playing with his empty glass. "Why not go out on my birthday?"

"It's your birthday?" she asked incredulously. He nodded slightly. "Well, happy birthday." Her congratulations was rather lackluster and he sneered as she said it and made no response. "You must be ancient by now, Professor."

"36, close enough."

She moved closer towards him. "And what do 36 year olds do on their birthdays?" Her voice was smooth and elegant, but piercing.

He raised his eyebrows but did not move. "I don't know. I thought you had something in mind," he replied, his voice equally smooth. Like velvet, she thought. Writers always think of silly things like that, even when they are trying to seduce their professors. Her mind was screaming in outrage. What would Tonks say? What would SIRIUS say? Even worse, what would _BILL_ say? Would he even care? Oh, she hoped he would!

Snape? Of all men? Well, he wasn't her friend, but she trusted him enough. She knew him enough. He was good at keeping secrets.

Perfect.

"Can't you read minds?"

He smirked. "I don't really need to use Legillimency to know what's on your mind, Gwendolyn."

"Well?" she asked briskly. She didn't want to play such silly games. She wanted to go to bed with him and wake up forgetting Bill Weasley.

He gave a slight smile. "Oh my, Gwendolyn, isn't someone acting quite grown up? No longer the silly, confused little girl in the classroom." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I believe I like you this way much better." 

"Then?" she asked, nearly shaking. _Hurry up, let's go, come on…  
_  
"Aren't you in love with Bill Weasley?"

"No," she responded too quickly. She stood up. "Let's go."

He slowly rose and gathered his cloak and handed her her purse. "I believe this is yours," he said, obviously disgusted by its soppy quality.

"Thank you," she muttered. She paid the waitress at the counter and she and Snape left the pub.

"Gwendolyn, I cannot bring you to Hogwarts while Dolores Umbridge is there," Snape said matter-of-factly. "And my house is certainly not fit for a lady." He made a face, reminding her of how unladylike one night stands were.

"I don't bring men to my house," she said firmly. She remembered how uncomfortable her bed was after she and Bill broke up the first time. She would never forget that they had made love on her bed. Not that anything like heartbreak would happen with Snape, but she had made it a rule.

"Wonderful," he said sarcastically.

"Let's go to Grimmauld Place."

He thought about, then grabbed her hand firmly and they Apparated away.

She released her hand from his grasp and hurried up the front steps and they slipped inside. They made it past the portrait quietly and she peered into the parlor. Nobody was there. She listened carefully and heard no noise in the kitchen. They went up the stairs to the third floor, where her room was. Hers was the first door by the stairs, so they reached it easily.

She let Snape in, looked out into the hall to make sure nobody had seen, then closed the door behind her. Relief flooded over her. "Thank Merlin," she murmured.

"Are you that worried about what Sirius Black thinks of you?"

She turned back to him and he was beside her bed, twisting his wand to set an alarm. She said nothing. She felt shaky, the realization of what she was doing settling in. She was going to have sex with Snape. When was the last time she had had sex with someone who wasn't Bill? Ages and ages ago with Andy. She had never had a one night stand before and it was a little nerve wracking. And Snape... He was so dark and brooding and his deep voice used to make her feel so small. Well, now it turned her on. _Funny how things change…_

But she hadn't invited him over to make sweet, soft love to her, like Bill did. She wanted to fuck. She wanted him to fuck all of the sadness and pain right out of her and leave her forgetting Bill and remembering something else. She didn't want an attachment, she didn't want a boyfriend. She wanted sex and Snape was the perfect person to give it to her with no strings attached.

So why was she so nervous?

She realized she ought to lock the door and she quickly muttered a silencing charm over the room. She noticed that he was done setting his alarm. "You can sit down," she muttered awkwardly, pushing a few random articles of clothing off the bed. He raised an eyebrow and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Sorry for the mess."

"I hardly noticed."

"Well I did," she said to herself. She didn't know what to do, so she sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. Immediately, he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her closer to him. He wasted no time. He kissed her hard, greedily and with wanting. It felt so different from the soft, quick kiss they had shared under the mistletoe a year ago. She wrapped her shaky arms around his neck and reciprocated. 

Perfect.

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She woke up slowly and drowsily rolled over, a slight ache in her head. The sun wasn't up yet- she could tell by the underside of her eyelids. But it was brighter than usual in the room. She slowly opened her eyes. The lights were on. Why? She must've forgotten to turn them on. She heard movement on the other side of the bed and turned over. Gasping, she covered herself with the sheet.

Snape was there, getting dressed. Suddenly, the previous night flooded back to her. She wasn't exactly sure what to think of it. He was rough and it was exactly what the occasion called for. It was perfectly enjoyable. But it was Snape.

"Good morning," she said softly. He turned to look at her and noticed immediately that she was covering herself. He smirked and continued to get dressed. "What time is it?" she asked sleepily. She stretched her arms out to the sky and released with a sigh.

"Nearly 7:30."

"Oh." She looked around but couldn't find any clothes. She noticed her robe hung on the hook on the door. "Can you pass me my robe?"

"And can you not get it yourself?" he asked slyly. "I won't be seeing anything I have not already seen."

She shrunk beneath the sheets more. She was slightly ashamed of what she had done and a bit timid to show herself to him again. She got up and wrapped the white sheet around her, then hobbled over to the robe and put it on. He approached her.

"You were always adequate at Potions, but I'm glad to know you're better at other things," he said softly. She glared at him.

"And perhaps, Potions is your best bet," she snapped, in an attempt to wound him. But it was difficult to wound Snape. He pushed her softly against the wall right behind her and put his hands in her hair. She lost her breath.

"One must never tell lies." Her breath was caught in her throat and he felt her up against the wall, pressing his lips to hers." She was about to drop her robe to the floor when her alarm went off. They pulled apart and she turned the alarm off. "I must be off." Snape said. She tightened her robe around her and opened the door for him. Without another word, he walked towards the door and walked to the stairs. She watched him go from the doorway and she saw him stop before descending. He moved out of the way so Remus could come up the stairs.

"Lupin," he greeted and then was on his way down. Lupin looked at Snape's descending figure, then at Gwen, trying to hide his disbelief.

"I hope I'm not getting the wrong impression here…" He said cautiously. Gwen closed her eyes. So close! So close to not getting caught. Lupin's eyes finally widened. "Gwen, I'm not judging you, but if it's what it seems-"

"Yes?" She said finally.

"Just be careful, alright?" Lupin smiled at her. "And you can talk to me whenever you need to."

She smiled, happy that Lupin didn't appear to think of her any less. "Thanks, Remus." He smiled again and went up to the final floor where Buckbeak was. She sighed and went to take her shower.


	10. The Article

She slammed the quill down as it broke beneath her. "Dammit," she hissed "Fourth one today." She got up and tossed it in the bin, then rummaged through her drawer for a new one. It was nearly six and she was only just finishing writing the awful article about Sirius. It had been difficult to focus at work that day.

The night with Snape had done its job. She had been thoroughly distracted. Still, it was Snape. _Snape!_ She had shagged Snape! And what's worse, she had enjoyed it thoroughly!

She only worried about Sirius finding out but she didn't think Snape would tell. Still, you never knew. Men liked to brag about who they've shagged. Then again, she had no idea who Snape had ever shagged. She didn't know much about Snape in general. He wouldn't tell.

Oh, but what if Lupin told Sirius? Or Tonks? They would be outraged, especially Sirius. She slept with Snape in his house! What disrespect! But Remus knew what should be kept quiet, didn't he?

Her mind didn't wander to Bill as much, but her heart still dully ached. She still felt the rejection wound, the realization that this was it. Fleur Delacour had swooped down with her French accent and exceptional looks and stolen the love of her life. _Calm down, you're being over dramatic!  
_  
And then she would remember how it felt in bed with Snape, her legs around him, his hands on her… _Get it together!_ She wanted to pull out her hair.

Snape, of all people! 

She finished the article with a snap of her fifth and final quill and then walked over to Mr. Cuffe's desk. "Here's the article on Sirius Black," she said dryly, dumping it on his desk. He glanced up at her in surprise, then cautiously picked it up and sped read it, as he did.

"This is rather good," he said.

"You sound surprised."

"I am," he said and the harsh words stung. "Glad to see you're proving yourself, O'Shea. This'll be on the front page tomorrow. I'll have it sent through the proofreader tonight." He made a copy of it, handed her the original and smiled at her. "Good work."

"Thanks," she muttered and walked back to her desk to collect her things. Of course her first big story would be lies about her best friend. Just her luck. She slipped on her cloak and looked over herself. Black pencil skirt, blue blouse. Looking good was essential. She was an hour late to the Order meeting, where she would have to walk into a room that included _Bill_ … and Snape. And Lupin who knew her secret, and the ignorant Sirius and Tonks.

She vaguely remembered her fifth year at Hogwarts, when the hormones started to kick in. One of her friends had a huge crush on Snape. He was the youngest teacher at Hogwarts, only 25 at the time, and her friend loved how smart and mysterious he was. During their seventh year, the same friend vowed she would get Snape in bed one day and now Gwen was wondering if that ever happened.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

She slipped into Grimmauld Place, the warm air enrapturing her. It was usually a place of safety, but tonight it was not. Would it ever be again? She didn't know.

She paused outside the door to the study, the sound of murmuring voices. Mundungus Fletcher was talking, which meant nobody was listening. She clutched her article in her right hand and patted her hair down with her left. All she had to do was go in and hand Dumbledore the article about Sirius being a murderer and have Snape and Bill look at her while she did.

Simple, right?

With a deep breath, she pushed the door open and Mundungus Fletcher fell silent. She closed it behind her, eyes only on Dumbledore, though she could feel everyone looking at her. She walked across the room and handed her the manuscript. "This will be on the front page of the _Prophet_ tomorrow. I did the best I could to minimize the damage but unfortunately, I cannot misquote our Minister." The room was still as Dumbledore unfolded the parchment and read an excerpt aloud:

"The Ministry of Magic has announced that there has been a mass breakout from Azkaban.

Speaking to reporters in his private office, Cornelius Fudge, Minister of Magic, confirmed that ten high-security prisoners escaped in the early hours of yesterday evening, and that he has already informed the Muggle Prime Minister of the dangerous nature of these individuals.

"We find ourselves, most unfortunately, in the same position we were two and a half years ago, when the murderer, Sirius Black, escaped," said Fudge last night. "Nor do we think the two breakouts are unrelated. An escape of this magnitude suggests outside help, and we must remember that Black, as the first prisoner ever to break out of Azkaban, would be ideally placed to help others follow in his footsteps. We think it likely that these individuals, who include Black's cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange, have rallied around Black as their leader. We are, however, doing all we can to round up the criminals and beg the magical community to remain alert and cautious. On no account should any of these individuals be approached'".

Her eyes kept flickering towards Bill the entire time Dumbledore read her words, no matter how much she tried not to. But how could she not look at him when he was all she wanted and he was sitting only a few paces away? 

"You wrote that, Gwen?" Tonks asked from across the room, looking at her with an almost sad expression.

"I- I had to," she stuttered. "I did the best I could to sound neutral- the way news should be! But the Minister insisted on being interviewed and he would know if I changed what he said. I'm sorry, Sirius." Sirius shrugged.

"People have written much worse, believe me," he said calmly and gave her a reassuring smile that did absolutely nothing to comfort her.

"Indeed they have," Dumbledore said soothingly, placing his hand on her shoulder. "You've done an excellent job, Gwendolyn, we are very lucky to have you." Her eyes fell on Snape- just for a moment- and he was looking at her as he always did, as if he barely knew her. Ever the spy…

"Bloody fools they all are," Moody muttered. "How can they keep denying that Voldemort is back? The signs are monstrous!"

"Unless someone proves Sirius's innocence," Tonks said. "They'll have someone to blame for everything."

"But Sirius is not powerful enough to do what is obviously a many-manned job. No offence," Remus said.

"None taken," Sirius said gleefully.

"Just be prepared for some very anti-Sirius sentiments and propaganda in these upcoming weeks," Gwen warned.

"Very well, thank you, Gwendolyn," Dumbledore said. "Well, I believe that's all for this evening, I'm sure everyone is absolutely famished by now." He smiled and his blue eyes twinkled. "Have a wonderful night, everyone."

Gwendolyn almost felt sick at the thought of sitting and eating at a table with the Order, especially after catching Lupin's eye for a moment. She was about to dart for the door when Sirius stepped in front of her and offered his hand. "I can't stay tonight," she said softly, not looking at him. She felt horrible. She slept with Snape in his house and she wrote untrue things about him. No matter what anybody said to comfort her, she would not get over it. "I have plans. See you later, everybody." She quickly walked past Sirius, Lupin, and Tonks and went into the hall before anybody could ask. She stepped on the front porch of Grimmauld Place and Snape was there, his hand on the railing. He looked at her.

"Not staying for the usual Weasley feast, are you?" he asked, his eyes on her. Now he didn't look at her as if he'd never met her. His gaze was so intense…

She looked at him, realizing how easy it would be for her to sleep with him again, how willing he would be to do it. He made her forget. The aching pain she felt from her break up, the guilt she felt from writing about Sirius- Snape could make her forget again. And it was so _good._

"No, not tonight," she croaked. "I think… I think I'm just going to go home."

"Shall I walk you or can you find your way without being attacked?" He asked with a slight smirk. 

"I'm sure I will be fine, thank you," she said shortly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in his gaze. "I'm an adult. I can get home on my own."

"I am quite aware that you are an adult, Gwendolyn," Snape said softly, in the same velvet voice he had used the night before. He took a step towards her and her breath hitched in her throat. She wanted to kiss him and drag him upstairs and have him fuck her and make it all go _away_! And perhaps she would have, had Minerva McGonagall not stepped onto the porch.

"Good evening, Severus. Gwendolyn," she greeted. If she had realized she interrupted something, she didn't show it.

"Good evening, Professor," Gwen said, her voice slightly high pitched and she felt a flush come onto her face. She was glad it was dark.

"I'm Apparating to Hogsmeade now, Severus, if you'd like to join me."

"Certainly," he said without skipping a beat and he walked down the stairs without saying another word to Gwendolyn. McGonagall sighed, obviously at her colleague's rudeness.

"Good night, Gwen," she said with a smile and she followed in Severus's wake, leaving Gwen on the stoop, alone.


	11. Valentine's Day

The next week really did feel like a dream come true, though it made her feel sick when she thought about how she had achieved success. The edition in which her article was published was one of the most purchased editions of the _Prophet_ in the past ten years. Letters started flying in about her work and all measly assignments were suddenly removed from her desk. Three big works were commissioned to her and she spent more time interviewing people all over England and Scotland than in the office. It was was exactly what she had been striving for since that day in her first year of Hogwarts. But it was ill-gotten gain and every time she felt a shred of joy, it melted away immediately.

"You know," said Mr. Cuffe as Gwen was getting her cloak on to go to the Ministry once again. "I might have you transferred to the Diagon Alley office soon enough."

The Gwendolyn of two months ago would have beamed at the idea of working in and moving to London. But now… "Maybe," she said with a shrug.

Having sex with Snape had distracted her for about another two days before her mind wandered back to Bill. He hadn't said a single word to her since New Year's. He was rarely at Grimmauld Place anymore, except for the meetings, so she had been told. She heard from Tonks that Mrs. Weasley was furious at him for what he had done.

"She doesn't like Fleur," Tonks had said over tea. "She likes you and she's upset Bill did that to you."

Gwen's group of friends, both from the Order and from work, were not particularly friendly towards Bill Weasley anymore either. Yet even so, she was avoiding Headquarters at all costs. She didn't want to see Bill or Snape if they happened to drop in. She didn't want to see Remus out of shame that he knew what she had done. She didn't want to Sirius because the lies she had written about him had given her some new success. She only saw Tonks twice, at a cafe down the street from the Ministry.

But as Gwen was walking out of the office, on her way to eat lunch before heading to London, she saw Remus Lupin. He waved her over.

"Hello Gwen," he said with a smile. "I don't believe I've seen you this week."

"Oh, well, you know, work has been busy," she said, almost coldly, not looking at him as she slipped on her gloves.

"There's no need for an explanation," he said kindly and she looked up at him now. "I was rather hoping I would run into you. Snuffles wants to see you tonight, if you'd care to drop in. I don't believe Tonks is free tonight, so it'll just be us two sorry old saps."

She felt her lips form a smile against her will. She did truly miss them. "You aren't saps. I'll come over after I'm out of work."

Remus beamed. "Excellent. I'll see you tonight." He then leaned in slightly and whispered, "Don't bring or mention liquor. I've just poured all of it down the sink. I think he's on the brink of becoming a full time drunk."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 

Grimmauld Place was completely hollow that night when she arrived, besides Sirius and Remus sitting on the couch. Not a Weasley was in sight and all the Aurors were at work. So instead of drinking and playing cards, they were talking and eating the take away Gwen had bought on her way over. But while Gwen was able to speak with Remus quite freely, her eyes rarely met Sirius and she answered him as quickly as possible. After about an hour, Remus got up to use the loo and Gwen was suddenly fascinated with a button on her shirt.

"Where have you been, Gwennie?" Sirius asked sadly. "I've missed your company."

"I've been busy," she said quickly, pushing the button into the curve of her nail. It was smooth and round and red and shiny and-

"No, it's more than that. Is it Bill? He hasn't been here in the longest."

"I know," she said quietly.

"Then what's wrong?" Sirius begged. "You've been ignoring me and I ought to know why."

The thoughts of Snape and articles and lying and sneaking all began to dance through her mind at lightning speeds. She started twisting the button hurriedly between her nails. "I just feel awful," she said quietly.

"But why?"

She sighed and felt the tears beginning to well up. "I've wanted to be successful for _so_ long," she whispered. "But not because I told lies about my best friend. And now, I can barely speak to you because of what I've done."

Sirius conjured up a box of tissues and Gwen took one and wiped her face. Suddenly feeling rather silly for crying, she hid behind the tissues, not wanting to look at him.

"Gwen, you were just doing your job. We know they're lies. I know you didn't mean it." He touched her arm softly.

"Everything's just been so hard," she said softly.

"I know. That's war." He sighed. "Last war, I didn't know how to cope with anything. I would just, you know, be with a lot of girls. I thought it would help." She laughed cruelly and roughly at the notion. "I guess you know what I mean."

"I do," she admitted, another pang of guilt hitting her at the thought of Snape, but she pushed it away. One day, he'd tell him. Today, they'd be friends. She looked at him and smiled. "Thank you for the tissues."

"Thank you for finally telling me what's wrong!" Sirius exclaimed and she laughed, genuinely now. He leaned over and hugged her warmly and when they broke apart, Remus was back.

"Gwen, I'll be extremely upset if you got the chicken soggy with your tears," Sirius said, easing the awkwardness Remus might've felt.

"Oh, sod off!"

She had missed her friend.

But the peace and tranquility did not last long, as is the case when secrets go uncovered. It was mid February, another cold winter night at Grimmauld Place, and she and her three friends were sitting around and talking in the sitting room late after work.

"My name is from King Arthur," she was explaining, after Nymphadora, Sirius, and Remus had explained their odd names. "See, my mother loved Guinevere and she wanted to name me after her, but my father thought it was too weird." She smirked. "Dad has never really liked to read. But my mother wanted me to be able to call me Gwen, so he settled for Gwendolyn."

"So your name is a compromise that kept a loving couple together," Sirius said brazenly. Gwen gave a fake little laugh and nodded, but wondered if Sirius had forgotten about her parents' awful demise. Tonks seemed to notice Gwen's slight discomfort.

"Sirius, I thought I saw a firewhiskey barrell downstairs," she said, standing up excitedly. "Shall we go look?" Remus opened his mouth to object, but Sirius had nearly fallen down with excitement at the word firewhiskey, and the two darted out of the sitting room to the cellar.

"Don't worry too much," Gwendolyn said kindly, seeing his worry. "I'm sure a glass or two of firewhiskey in a controlled setting won't do him harm."

He sighed. "I suppose you're right," he said, sipping his coffee. He then grinned. "Interesting story about your name, though. I suppose I'll have to add that to my list of rather interesting things I know about you."

"Speaking of that list…" She had been meaning to ask him about it, but hadn't had the opportunity to do so. Sirius was always around. "I've meaning to ask you… You haven't told anybody about me and Snape, right?"

"That's your business," he said, holding his hands up. "Your affairs with Severus aren't my concern. It's your choice who you tell. I just would, perhaps, suggest you do such things… well, not here."

"I know," she said with a sigh. "It was really spur of the moment and there wasn't anywhere else to go."

"Honestly, I was just more surprised to see you with him in any capacity. I didn't know you two spoke at all, let alone had any sort of… tension." Poor Remus looked terribly uncomfortable, trying to be understanding. It nearly made her laugh.

"We don't really talk... I don't think it would have happened at all had it not been for the Yule Ball."

"The Yule Ball? At Hogwarts? What do you mean?"

XXXXXXXXX

" _I'm sorry to bother you," she said rather awkwardly and he looked at her coldly, eyes narrowed. "It's just- there isn't really anybody here who isn't a teenager, incredibly old, or snogging in the corner. Would you mind if I sat with you?"_

 _It had taken her about twenty minutes of silent debating in the corner to decide to approach the table where Snape sat alone. She hadn't seen her former professor since she had graduated, six years ago now. She had been a first year his first year teaching. She had never really received the sort of hate he usually directed towards Gryffindors when she was in school- she often flew under his radar and she would not have been surprised if he had not remembered her at all. But she was so bloody bored and besides the seventh years, Snape was the closest person to her age. So she had taken a risk._

" _No, I don't mind." He said and she smiled sweetly and sat down beside him, putting her purse on the table and smoothing out her navy blue dress. "May I ask why you're here?"_

" _Rita Skeeter's been banned from the castle," she explained. "So I was sent instead. But there isn't much to write about and I'm not to leave until it's over, so I suppose I'm stuck here for a bit."_

" _That makes two of us," he muttered and she grinned. They had something in common._

" _I take it you don't enjoy parties very much, Professor?"_

" _You're extremely observant," he snarkily said. She rolled her eyes- he was so awfully rude- looked around the room._

" _The Weird Sisters are dreadful, aren't they?" She could not stand the sound of them and figured that perhaps Snape would like to complain with her. It seemed all he did was complain. But for a moment, he looked annoyed at her, until his eye caught something from the other side of the room. She glanced over to see what he was looking at, but saw nothing of interest._

" _Indeed, dreadful," he said hurriedly. "How long have you worked with the Prophet, Miss O'Shea?"_

 _She was surprised that he even cared- or was pretending to care. "About four years now." He nodded again and she looked again to the side of the room he had been looking at. He was so strange. The song ended and the crowd went wild._

" _We're gonna change things up!" A Weird Sister screamed and she cringed at the awful, loud noise. "We brought along a guest singer straight from America and she's gonna sing a tune for all you lovebirds out there!" The crowd of teenagers roared as a skinny girl with a blue afro came up to the crowd. A calmer, yet still upbeat tune began to play and the girl started singing:_

 _I never knew love like this before;_

 _Now I'm lonely nevermore,_

 _Since you came into my life…_

" _This is such a relief to my ears," Gwen said giving a sigh. The girl had such a smooth voice._

" _Severus, it's so wonderful to see you being so social!" Gwendolyn turned back to see Dumbledore and McGonagall standing on either side of her companion, who looked disgusted and offended. Gwendolyn stifled a laugh._

" _No, we were just-"_

" _You two ought to dance!" McGonagall said, grabbing each of their hands and bringing them near one another._

 _"No!" They both said loudly, recoiling their hands back. What the hell was going on? McGonagall gave a knowing glance towards Dumbledore. She then pulled out her wand, and did the motion of a vanishing spell and both Gwen and Snape stood up just as their chairs and table were vanished away. Gwen snatched her purse from the floor, almost defensively, and looked at McGonagall in shock._

" _Fine, fine! We'll go!" Snape snapped, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the dance floor. She almost wanted to try and pull it away- she was holding Professor Snape's_ hand! _This night had certainly become interesting- if not strange._

" _Are you serious?!" She asked loudly, trying to be heard over the music. She wasn't sure she wanted to dance with him._

" _Of course not, you stupid girl!" He hissed._

" _You know, there's really no need for that," she shouted over the music but he ignored her They hurried past the dancers and snoggers alike towards entrance hall and she strained her ears to hear the commotion from students as they passed._

" _Is that Snape holding a woman's hand?"_

" _Do you think he cursed her?"_

" _Ten galleons they'll dance. No, twenty!" She snorted._

 _They reached the large arching doorway between the Great Hall and the Entrance Hall and he let go of her hand. The air was much cooler here, the music not as blazingly loud. She leaned against the panel and sighed in relief. "I didn't think we'd make it out of that war zone alive!"_

 _He looked out into the crowd. "Those meddling old coots ought to just go shag in the Room of Requirement and leave me alone!" Snape said, exasperated._

" _Snape!" She exclaimed, laughing a little. "That's awful!"_

" _It's bloody true and you know it," he said in an annoyed tone. She had never heard her professor speak in such a tone. The girl continued to sing sweetly from the stage:_

 _You are my sunlight and my rain,_

 _And time could never change_

 _What we share forevermore..._

" _I actually like this song," she mused. It was catchy and smooth. She almost…. Wanted to dance. She glanced over at Snape, looking as stoic as ever._

" _It's bearable."_

" _And I would definitely dance if I had a more cooperative partner." He raised an eyebrow and looked at her._

" _It's a pity you don't then."_

" _Indeed." Worth a shot._

 _Hagrid and Madame Maxime stumbled out of the Great Hall, rather violently. "Hello, Gwendolyn! Nice seein' yer here! 'Evenin' to you too, 'fessor Snape." Hagrid greeted._

" _Hello, Hagrid," she said with a sweet smile and Snape gave a small nod._

" _Hagreed!" Madame Maxime said in awe, pointing above Snape and Gwendolyn. "Your friends are under zee mistleetoe!"_

 _Jesus Christ… The two of them looked up immediately. Of course they were._

" _Well, they outta kiss, then!" Hagrid cooed._

" _No!" The two of them exclaimed, yet again._

" _Ah, c'mon 'fessor Snape!" Hagrid said grinning. "Gwen is a pretty girl!"_

" _That was never the question," Snape muttered and only Gwendolyn seemed to have heard him. She smirked. Watching Snape squirm to call her pretty was immensely satisfying._

" _Do eet!" Madame Maxime shouted and she looked like she was ready to approach them and smash their faces together._

" _Alright!" Snape said harshly. She blinked hard. Did he really just say alright? He approached her quickly, looking ready to get it over with, when he stopped, only a few inches away from her. He looked at her in a strange way for a moment. Maybe he was realizing what he was doing. "May I?" He said quietly, so only she could hear. She smiled slightly and nodded and he kissed her, pulling away immediately. Maybe it would've been considered a nice moment, if Hagrid and his girlfriend hadn't been standing there clapping and cheering. They stumbled away as Maxime pulled Hagrid into an unseen corner, possibly to snog him. "Forgive me, I just wanted them to go away," he said, still close to her, looking into her eyes. How strange. She gave him a small smile._

" _It's fine,'' she murmured. It was a nice kiss, she had to admit. Not sloppy, not uncomfortably long. Just soft and sweet and to the point. Ha! She had kissed Professor Snape. She couldn't wait to tell Betty- how funny was this!_

" _Severus!" Her companion stepped away from her and turned to face a man who had just joined them. "You haven't introduced me to your friend."_

" _Gwendolyn O'Shea," Snape said quickly, looking uncomfortable. "Miss O'Shea, this is Igor Karkaroff. I'm sure you've heard of him."_

" _The Headmaster of Durmstrang, of course," she said, smiling sweetly. She shook his hand._

" _Delighted, Miss O'Shea." Karkaroff said, giving her a disgusting smile. It took quite a lot of willpower for her to not grimace. "Severus, may I have a word? Outside, perhaps?"_

" _Of course," he said, sounding almost strained. He turned to Gwen. "Forgive me." She nodded and he and Karkaroff walked away from Gwen and the mistletoe. It was better off this way, anyway. That man was so rude._

"How strange," Lupin said. "Severus is an interesting man. Who knows his motives." She shrugged and took a sip of her tea. "But Gwendolyn, he didn't… you don't have feelings for him, do you? He didn't coerce you into sleeping with him?"

"Merlin, no!" She nearly spat her tea out. "I was the one who wanted to sleep with him."

The door to the sitting room slammed open and Tonks and Sirius entered, looking flabbergasted.

"You… slept with Snape?" Sirius asked, his voice dangerously quiet. She gaped at him.

"You were listening at door?" Gwen shrieked, standing up.

"You slept with SNIVELLUS? Of all people?!" Sirius shouted back. "There are millions of other men on this planet, Gwen!"

"You sound like a child, Sirius. This is none of your business!" 

"So you did!" Sirius whispered angrily. "You slept with Snape?"

"I'm not answering to you!" she shouted. "Look at you! Shouting out people's business and attacking them in front of their friends." He looked at her, heated and panting, but did not speak. "The only reason this is any of your concern is because it happened in your house. But who I-"

"I'm sorry? You slept with him HERE?" Oh shit. He had just heard the last bit, then. "Am I the only one who didn't know this?"

"I had no idea!" Tonks squeaked from behind him. Sirius glared at Remus accusingly.

"But you did!"

"Sirius, this is Gwen's personal life, I had no righ-"

"SHE SLEPT WITH SNAPE IN MY HOUSE! HOW MANY OTHER GUYS HAVE YOU BROUGHT HERE?!" He was nearly rounding up on her but Remus stood up and glared at Sirius silently. Gwen stepped to her left and looked at her friend.

"You have no right to judge me!" she whispered furiously. "You told me in this very room about how you had sex with everyone last war and you told me you understood! _You_ know " Sirius suddenly backed down, his demeanor changing. "It just happened to be Snape! It happened once and that was it."

Nobody spoke. Then Tonks whispered, "It's okay, Gwen. You don't need to apologize for sleeping with anybody."

"Thanks," she muttered roughly.

"It's Valentine's Day," Sirius said quietly, as though just realizing.

"I know," the other three murmured in unison. Without another word, Sirius shuffled out of the living room and up the stairs. Gwen looked at Tonks, her hair bright pinks and reds in honor of the holiday. Then she looked at Remus and remembered that Tonks saw in Remus what Gwen saw in Bill. Remembering Bill depressed her, again, and she sighed and picked up her purse and left Grimmauld Place.

At least Tonks and Remus deserved to have a good Valentine's Day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mrs. Weasley decided to have a little breakfast get together, since she thought Sirius would enjoy some company. It was, Gwen had to admit, rather lovely. Mrs. Weasley made everything you could ever dream of eating. There were all types of sausages and bacon and beans on toast and oatmeal and eggs and hash. There was a huge kettle of tea on the stove and the breakfast warmed up everyone, even though it was still rather cold outside.

"Oh Merlin!" Remus shouted as Tonks walked into the kitchen to join them. She stopped abruptly, by the look on her face, confused. Remus was never so loud.

"What is it?" Tonks asked nervously.

"Sirius, look at her!"

Sirius looked up from the egg he was devouring and gasped. "She looks like Lily!"

"Lily?" Gwen asked.

"Lily Potter," Sirius explained. "Harry's mother. She had dark red hair and green eyes just like that." He gestured at Tonks, who did indeed have lush red hair and bright green eyes today.

"Well, I hope that is a good thing," Tonks huffed, sitting down beside Gwen.

"It is," Remus reassured her. "Lily was lovely."

Gwen noticed that Tonks lowered her head quickly, the red hair covering her now read cheeks. Gwen and Sirius grinned, despite the odd tension still between them- they were anxiously awaiting when Remus and Tonks would announce their courtship.

"But you know," Sirius said between bites. "Gwen reminds me of Lily."

Remus looked at her for a second and then shook his head. "I don't see it."

"Not physically. Her personality." Gwen felt awkward. She had never met Lily.

"I disagree," Remus said, holding his hands up. "Though Gwen is a very lovely person as well." They smiled at each other.

The front door slammed open and quickly slam shut again. Everyone winced, praying mentally that the portrait would not awaken.

"The Headmaster has left Hogwarts," Snape announced as he entered the kitchen.

Sirius's eyes flickered over to Gwen. "What?" Tonks shouted.

"What happened?" asked a very nervous Mrs. Weasley. Four of her seven children attended Hogwarts and Gwen could only imagine how nervous she must be

"Potter happened," Snape spat. "His little defense club was caught by Umbridge and the Headmaster claimed full responsibility when Fudge arrived. Fudge tried to arrest him and Dumbledore left..." His eyes fell on Tonks for moment in a very odd way, but he turned away quickly.

"He just left?" Gwen asked incredulously.

"Sounds like Dumbledore," Sirius said with a grin.

"I told you this group was a bad idea!" Molly shouted at Sirius, obviously terrified.

"Well, it's too late to do anything now!" Sirius countered.

"Where will Dumbledore go?" Remus asked, trying to break up the bickering. "Will he come here?"

"He told Minerva he won't be in hiding and he won't come here," Snape responded softly. It was the most bizarre thing. He looked at Tonks and then at the floor… and then back at Tonks. Nobody besides Tonks and Gwen seemed to notice

"Get out of here, Snivellus," Sirius barked at him rudely, breaking Snape out of stupor. He smirked at Sirius, but still looked rather uncomfortable

"Very well," Snape said, turning to leave. "I, unlike you, actually have important things to do for the Order."

"LIKE SUCKING VOLDEMORT'S ARSE!" Sirius shouted as Snape left, making Tonks break into uncontrollable laughter. "I hate him!" Sirius yelled, going into the cellar, in search of liquor that he would not find.

Tonks looked at Gwen. "Why was he looking at you like that?"

"What?" Gwen asked confused. "He was looking directly at you!"

"Really?" Tonks seemed surprised. "That was so strange… he looked so sad."

"I wonder why," Gwen said with a sigh, running her hands through Tonks's lush hair.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Early the next morning at Hogwarts School, Dolores Umbridge stood in the entrance hall, waving at the cameras and smiling elegantly, as though she had become queen of the castle. Reporters from tiny little newspapers swarmed her for answers, but Gwendolyn stayed behind with her camera man. She was waiting for the question.

"Enough of this!" the toadlike woman screeched, her face matching the robes she wore. "Where is the reporter from the Prophet?"

Gwen smirked and walked through, watching as everyone moved out of the way immediately. "Gwendolyn O'Shea of the Daily Prophet, Headmistress," she said with the most charming smile. Umbridge mirrored it.

"Excellent! Come up to my office, Miss O'Shea, and we can have a lovely chat. The Minister is here as well."

"Wonderful, Headmistress," she said, beaming inside. The other reporters disappointedly wandered away as Gwen followed Umbridge into the castle.

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	12. A Thing for Redheads

Ever since Rita Skeeter interviewed Harry Potter for the _Quibbler_ , Mr. Cuffe would not allow her into any of the _Prophet_ offices at all. Many people were upset that they were losing their "best" reporter, but Gwen saw it as a chance. Rita had always been top dog at the _Prophet,_ and now she was gone. The spot was open and calling her name.

She was given more assignments than usual, but that wasn't what made one the best. Rita usually only wrote one article per week, but it was always the most important one. Gwendolyn needed to write about something fantastic, something that would bring her name into the light. But nothing was happening of great, monumental importance, not since Umbridge was made Headmistress.

On a Tuesday morning, an owl flew over her cubicle, dropping a note.

 _Gwennie,_

 _I want to meet you at the Leaky Cauldron around 10 tonight. I've got a story I need you to write._

 _-Rita xoxo_

Gwen was immensely curious. Rita was writing for every publication but the _Prophet_ and rumor had it she was working on a new book. Gwendolyn couldn't imagine what paper this was for or what it was about, but she was anxious to find out.

Rita Skeeter had been her mentor when she started at the _Prophet._ Gwen had looked up to her since day one. Rita was pushy and knew what she wanted and always got it.

But then Gwen learned about how dishonest Rita was in her writings. The blonde reporter would brush it off as "exaggerating", but Gwen knew better. There was no need to write untrue things, no matter how nearly true they were.

But even so, Gwen still wanted to know what the note was about.

At 10, Gwen went to the pub and there was Rita Skeeter, sitting at the table Gwendolyn and Snape had sat at nearly three months ago. Despite her "awful life" (Mr. Cuffe was speaking extremely ill of Rita as of late), she still looked just as flashy. Feathers in her hair, her green glasses matching her emerald robes, her makeup absolutely perfect. Gwen always felt plain next to Rita Skeeter. She crossed the bar and stood in front of the blonde woman. "Hello Rita," Gwen greeted emotionlessly. Rita looked up and flashed her classic Rita smile.

"Gwennie darling! I'm so glad you could make it! Sit down! I'll order us firewhiskeys!" She gestured towards the bartender, who seemed to know instantly what Rita wanted. And thus was the true magic of Rita Skeeter.

Gwen sat down across from her, trying to look as impressive as possible. "How have you been, darling?" Rita asked sweetly.

"Wonderful," Gwen said with a smile. The waitress put down the drinks. "Nothing like a good firewhiskey," Gwen said, trying to sound casual. "You know, there are neon meads in Knockturn Alley." Merlin, she was so awkward.

"That's nice dear," Rita said, completely uninterested. She took a gulp of her firewhiskey, gracefully, of course, then smiled at Gwen. "Now, my darling, I have an assignment for you!"

"I hope I can take it on," Gwen said sweetly, suddenly becoming very interested in her nails. "It's been awfully busy at the _Prophet_ as of late." She knew she could handle it, but she wanted Rita to think she was a bit more successful than she really was. And besides, she wasn't sure she wanted to write an article for Rita. Sometimes Mr. Cuffe became irked when his writers wrote for other papers. However, Gwen never said no to Rita. She just simply was not brave enough to turn down the woman whom she once had on a pedestal.

"I've been writing for _Witch Weekly_ ," Rita explained. "And I've been getting lots of letters from women in this area about a certain wizard they're all interested in! Can you guess who it is?" Gwen was about to guess when Rita laughed. "Oh, you'll never guess! I'll tell you, you sweet thing! Severus Snape!"

Gwen nearly spit out her firewhiskey at the mention of the name. "Snape!"

"I know! Oh Gwennie, I've always called him the mystery man!"

Gwen raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure these letters aren't just from silly girls in Hogwarts who have a crush on their professor?"

Rita rolled her eyes. "Maybe a few. Who cares! He's in high demand! I need you to write about him in a manner that'll make girls drool."

She suddenly got nervous. Why did Rita think _she_ could do it? Did she know? Did people know she had slept with Snape? Or was this something more sinister- a plot to expose him? He was a spy. Everyone in the Order knew that the number one rule about Snape was not to discuss him in any capacity to outsiders. It could mean the war- or his life. Her stomach filled with dread. "So… why do you need _me_ to do this exactly?"

"You're beautiful. You're young, a little flirty. Just talk him up at a pub, ask him about his sex life, if he can brew a love potion." Rita winked and Gwen nearly gagged. "Besides, _you_ know him- he was your teacher, wasn't he?"

Relief flooded her body for a moment. She didn't know and this was definitely not an elaborate plan. Still, she could not do it. "Yes, he was. But Rita… I don't think I have time to go chasing after Snape to get answers he won't give." She felt a bit timid, shaking slightly at the knees. Rita's eyes were piercing and demanding. It was how she got her answers.

But Gwen would not give in. This was a waste of time and she could not be publically responsible for an article like this. Her friends would be floored. Dumbledore too. "I won't do it."

Rita suddenly looked upset. "Well!" she huffed.

Gwen felt a surge of empowerment. She stood up gracefully and smiled. "Sorry, _darling,_ " she said, her voice sickly sweet. "But don't give up. I've heard he has a thing for redheads."

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"I don't want this to be awkward anymore," Sirius said abruptly the next night as they sat alone in the sitting room at Grimmauld Place

"Me neither," sighed Gwen, putting down her crossword instantly. She looked at him sadly. "I don't know what to say. I can't take back sleeping with him."

"I know," Sirius muttered. "I'm sorry I was so nasty. I know war is hard and sex… it's a good temporary fix. I just wish it wasn't with Snape!"

"Oh well," Gwen said, standing up and walking across the room to the other sofa where Sirius sat. "I can't unfuck him." She sighed and sunk into the cushion beside her friend, who looked at her strangely.

"You miss him, don't you?" Sirius said sadly.

She looked up at him with an eyebrow raised. "It was a one night stand, Sirius."

"Not Snape! Bill."

She fell silent, as she did whenever she heard his name or saw him. He hadn't spoken to her in months and it broke her heart over and over again. She felt so stupid all the time. Her heart was shattered and she did not feel capable of loving anyone ever again.

She knew it wasn't true. She would love again. But could she ever love anyone the way she loved Bill?

"Yeah," she admitted softly. "I really do."

"He's a prick, Gwennie," Sirius said reassuringly. "Look at you. You're a nice girl. You're young, you're fun, you're a good person. You shouldn't be wasting away over Bill."

"I know," Gwen said sadly. She felt the tears coming back again but she quickly controlled herself. Sirius took her hands.

"I've known you for nearly a year now," Sirius said. "You've been great. You really have. We've had lots of fun in this shack, haven't we?" Gwen nodded and smiled. "You're one of my best friends and I don't like to see you sad because some wizard ran off with a French girl. I'd rather you be my friend than any French girl." Gwen laughed and she hugged Sirius Black.

"It's funny," she said smiling. "After seeing your mugshot a million times, I never thought you were such a great person."

"Never judge a book by its cover," he said cheerfully. "Now, I know you're a bit down about your problems, but shall we discuss our good friends Remus and Tonks?"

"Oh yes," she said eagerly. "I think they'll finally say they're dating in June!"

"No they won't!" Sirius scoffed. "Not when the kids come back!"

"Then when?" Gwen whined. "They're taking much too long! She's fancied him since October!"

"He's fancied her for quite a while too," he muttered. "He's just a prick sometimes." He suddenly made a face of false seriousness. "Gwen, we need to make a pact right now."

"Why?"

"You know, when people in a group start dating, the group falls apart," Sirius explained quickly. "So when our dear friends begin their relationship, promise we'll be there third-wheeling together." He held out his hand, extending his pinky. She smiled and wrapped her pinky around his.

"Promise."

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"I didn't realize that having a sleepover meant you would be shitfaced drunk and passed out on the bed before I even got home from work," Gwen muttered as she tucked Tonks into her bed at Grimmauld Place one early April night. She sighed. She had been looking forward to spending time with her friend, eating candy and acting like girls. Tonks had ranted and raved about how much fun they would have, but obviously today had not been a good day. She only got this drunk when she had a bad day.

Gwendolyn adjusted Tonks's head under the pillow, then turned off the lights and slipped out of the room. She sighed again and went to find Sirius. His bedroom door was closed and locked. Obviously he had not had a good day either. It was only 10.

She had no desire to go home, so she went into her room and changed out of work clothes and into sweatpants and a tshirt. She was still hungry and wondered if anyone had brought anything particularly good in the past few days. She hurried down the stairs, careful not to wake her friends or any portraits, and went into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and inside was an entire chocolate cake, from a bakery Tonks frequented in Diagon Alley. Her mouth watered excitedly, perhaps more excitedly than it should've.

"Oh Tonks, you're still my favorite person," she said, pulling it out and putting it on the counter. She was searching for a knife to cut it with when the front door slammed open and the sound of howling wind rang through the hall.

" _HALFBLOODS, SCUM, DIRTY BLOOD IN THE REVERED HOUSE OF THE BLACK!"_

"Shit!" Gwendolyn whispered, hurrying over to hush the portrait. When she had covered Sirius's ugly mother and shut the front door, she hadn't even noticed who it was who had disturbed the peace. She turned and leaning against the wall, shaking, was Severus Snape.

"Snape?" She said softly. He glanced back at her. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he muttered, making his way into the kitchen, still shaking fervently. She followed him, not convinced. "Were you planning to eat the whole thing?"

She sighed. Even when in pain this man was unbearably rude. "I was looking for a knife," she countered. He grasped his hand onto the counter to steady himself, then pulled out his wand. _"Segmentun!"_ And the cake sliced into eight equal slices. She felt awfully embarrassed and annoyed that he had to do that.

"Sorry, I'm exhausted," she muttered. "But thank you." He sat down, still shaking, at the counter, and she put the rest of the cake away and got him a glass of water. He raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe that you're okay."

"And why not?"

"Because you're shaking."

"I'm cold."

"You're also wearing your Death Eater robes."

Now it was his turn to feel embarrassed. "It is not anything severe," he said coolly.

"Just drink the water, Snape," she said coldly. "I may not be a Healer or an Auror, but I know Cruciatus tremors when I see them." He said nothing, but took the glass in his shaky hand and started to drink. She had not spoken to him since they had slept together four months prior, besides their short conversation outside of Grimmauld Place the following evening. "You ought to be careful. You know they can cause-"

"Permanent nerve damage. Yes, I'm aware. I certainly do not want to shake like this permanently, but I'm afraid there isn't much I can do." For the first time that night, she wasn't annoyed by his rudeness. She deserved it.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. He said nothing and she took the glass from him. He was still shaking. "Why did you come here and not Hogwarts?"

"I didn't want to see Dumbledore," he said and she was surprised by his response. He never spoke ill of Dumbledore.

"Why not?"

"I'm not quite in the mood to relive my night just yet."

Oh. That made sense. "You should just stay here tonight." He shook his head immediately.

"You really think Black would allow me to sleep in his house?"

"He's asleep," she argued. "And this isn't just his house. It's the Headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix and any Order member is allowed to stay here." Snape still didn't seem convinced. "Besides," she said, her voice low. "This wouldn't be the first time you've slept over here."

"And how well did he take that when he found out?"

"How...how did you know that he knows?" She asked, her eyes widened in surprise.

"It's my job to know." Of course. Damned good spy. She sat down silently with a fork and started eating her cake. "Has he forgiven you for it?"

"I thought you knew everything," she muttered into her cake.

"I have to find the information out one way or another."

"He forgave me. Though there wasn't anything to forgive, in my opinion." She suddenly felt rude for eating in front of him. "Would you like some? Or something else? Tea?"

"I'm fine." His violent shakes had subsided but she could still see a slight quiver in his hands and she sighed.

"Fine, but you ought to stay the night. There are a bunch of empty bedrooms on my floor." He looked like perhaps he was going to relent, but then the front door opened again and the sound of boots came from the hall. Snape stood up immediately. "I ought to report to Dumbledore now." He said quickly. He turned and in the doorway was Bill Weasley. She nearly dropped her fork.

"Wotcher, Professor," he said, but Snape quickly strode past him and they heard the front door close. Bill seemed to grimace and had no choice but to look at her. "Wotcher, Gwen."

She nodded at him, then became interested in her cake. "Wotcher." Dammit. Like usual, her interaction with Snape, despite how depressing it had been, had distracted her from Bill. But it was all for naught now.

"I think I left some of my books here. Have you seen any of them?"

"No." She bit into the cake, though she was now the opposite of hungry, and still would not look at him. He sighed and she heard him leave the kitchen. Part of him wanted to go follow him and help him find the book, to speak to him and be near him. But the smarter part and the still wounded part did not. She left the cake on the counter and darted up the stairs.


	13. Sirius

This chapter may have some slight inaccuracies. I'll try to keep it as true to the books/movies as possible, but this is fanfiction after all! Remember to review!

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"How is she?" Sirius asked as Gwen entered the sitting room.

"She's tough. She's going to be okay," Gwen assured everyone and the room seemed to sigh with relief. She had gone to visit Professor McGonagall at St. Mungo's after she had been hit with stunners to the chest. "I just don't understand how this woman is still allowed at the school after this..."

"Fucking Fudge," Tonks exclaimed with a huff. Gwen smiled at the sight of her and Remus sitting rather close together on the sofa.

"Hagrid's gone now too?" Remus asked Tonks. She had heard all about it from the older Aurors at work.

"Yep," Tonks said sadly. "Hagrid was so nice to me when I was at Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts's gone bonkers since Dumbledore's left," Moody growled, standing up. "I need a beer." He hobbled into the kitchen despite Remus's claims that the house was now devoid of alcoholic beverages.

"This Umbridge woman is bloody mad!" Sirius said, standing up, pacing the room. "I just wish I could do something! I would take her down right now if I was allowed out!" He kicked the coffee table angrily.

"Sirius, relax!" Gwen snapped.

"I won't!" He snapped right back. "My godson is at this school!"

"I know," Gwen said calmly. "But he'll be okay. Harry's strong."

"Umbridge can't break Harry, Sirius," Kingsley assured him. "The school year is nearly done anyway and things will be back to normal."

"He shouldn't have to be so at edge at Hogwarts! He shouldn't feel hated at Hogwarts!"

"He has Ron and Hermione and Ginny," Tonks assured him.

"And no Defense teacher lasts more than one year," Gwen said, looking at Lupin briefly.

There was a screech from upstairs that pierced Gwen's ears suddenly.

"That was Buckbeak," Sirius said, immediately becoming calm. He automatically rushed up the stairs.

Moody had found nothing in the kitchen and started complaining about not being able to calm down. Kingsley quickly changed the topic to the training of the new Aurors and about the latest fighting tactics being used in training. The three Aurors became enveloped in the conversation and Remus, who had fought last war, seemed interested as well.

But Gwen had never fought in a battle before. She had never had to think on her feet. That was what set her apart from the rest of the Order. They all had battle scars and war memories, while she had paper cuts. A little bored, she headed up the stairs to the attic to see how Sirius and Buckbeak were doing.

"What's wrong with him?" Gwen asked. Sirius was tending to Buckbeak's leg.

"Looks like someone's hurt him," Sirius muttered. "Probably that deranged elf."

"Let me help." She knelt down beside him, at the foot of the great beast who didn't seem powerful and mighty right now. He was lying down wearily in pain from the gash in his leg. Gwen took some bandages and started to help wrap the cloth around the wound.

"I like your ring," Sirius pointed out the little silver ring on Gwen's right finger. Instead of just a gem, there were two hands holding a diamond heart with a crown atop it. The heart faced outwards and the diamond shimmered in the afternoon light.

"Thank you," she said with a smile. "It's a Claddagh ring from Ireland."

"You're Irish? Hush Buckbeak!" The beast had begun to screech as Sirius tried to clean the rest of Buckbeak's scratches.

"I thought you would have guessed that with a name like O'Shea," she said snarkily.

"You don't have an accent," he pointed out.

The beast started to relax again as they finished bandaging the wounds. "I was raised in England. I don't think of myself as Irish."

"When I'm out of this dump, we ought to all go to Ireland," Sirius said with a wistful sigh. "Buckbeak and I went to Ireland last year, didn't we?" He stroked the beast's feathers softly and Buckbeak seemed to relax even more. "It was gorgeous. I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for Ireland."

"We'll go to Ireland," she assured him. She clipped the final bandage and admired her handiwork. "I ought to have been a Healer!" She grinned at Sirius and he offered her his arm.

"Come, my lady, we're off to the sitting room!" They ran down the stairs like the Weasley children used to do all summer, laughing and tripping over themselves joyfully. They reached the main floor and nearly bumped into a very nervous looking Snape.

"Snivellus!" Sirius hissed immediately. Gwen let go of Sirius's arm, knowing that she would most likely get thrown in the middle of a fist fight if she stayed too close.

"So you're here," Snape said quietly.

"Where else would I be?"

"Running around like a dog in plain sight!" Moody snapped, hobbling into the hall from the sitting room. The others followed behind him.

Sirius waved him off, then turned back to Snape. "You've finally gone mad, Snivelly."

"Potter has had a vision of you being tortured by the Dark Lord in the Department of Mysteries," Snape said quickly.

"What?" Remus asked absolutely shocked.

"How do you know?" Gwen asked, terrified. If Harry thought Sirius was there, then…

"He said, 'He's got Padfoot in the place where it's hidden'. If you cannot interpret that as anything else, then I suggest we act quickly."

"If Harry knew Occlumency, he would be fine!" Sirius yelled, breathing hard.

"If he was so eager to not learn-"

"If he had a competent teacher-"

"ENOUGH!" Tonks shouted over them, pushing her way over to them. "Where's Harry now?"

"I last saw him with Granger and Umbridge going to the Forbidden Forest," Snape explained. "I believe he has plans to go to the Ministry himself."

"Then we have to go," Kingsley said quickly. Gwen felt her heart start to beat rapidly. Go? To the Ministry to save Harry? What would await them there? She had never fought before! She started going over spells in her mind, quickly. Could she do silent spells? Should she ask for help? But she could not be seen as a stupid coward! She had to stand her ground. Maybe there wouldn't be a fight. Maybe it would all be fine.

"I will return to the Forbidden Forest to search for them," Snape announced as they all headed for the door. He stopped Sirius in his tracks. "Black, you must stay behind. When the Headmaster comes, he will need someone to explain the situation."

"Are you mad? My godson is in danger! There's no way I'm staying cooped up here while he's fighting Death Eaters!" Sirius barked. Death Eaters! Oh Merlin… Gwen felt a lump in her throat.

"We have no time for this!" Snape said. "I need to get to the Forest immediately." And with that, he went outside. Moody turned to face them all.

"We're going to pair up when we get to the Ministry. You have your partner's back, you hear? It'll be me and Kingsley, Remus and Tonks, and Gwendolyn and Sirius. Clear?" They nodded and Sirius nudged her and grinned. She smiled back nervously.

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They stood outside the door to the Department of Mysteries.

"We're going to go directly in," Moody instructed. "Surround the premises, then find your partner and whatever you do, protect the children."

"Are we sure they're in there?" Gwen whispered.

She was not ready to fight Death Eaters. There was no time to practice or study or learn. She had not had good Defense teachers in her years at Hogwarts. She kept listing spells in her mind, over and over again.

"We can never be too sure," Kingsley said.

"We have no time!" Moody snapped. "Ready? GO!"

The door flung open and the six Order members flew in, covered in what looked like white smoke. Gwen landed, wand at the ready. She looked around the room.

Death Eaters. She had never seen so many. She counted five teenagers… no, wait, six. Lucius Malfoy was holding Harry at the center of the room, in front of what looked like a white clouded veil.

She saw Sirius walk up to Lucius Malfoy and punch him in the face.

And all hell broke loose.

She heard a crack from behind her and dodged a green laser of light by an inch. She turned quickly. "STUPIFY!" she cried and the Death Eater flew back. Terrified, but pleased, she turned away, just as another Death Eater shot a spell at her. She dodged it and flung another Stunner at him. This time he repelled it speedily and sent another one at her.

"PROTEGO!" she shouted. Before he could shoot another one at her, she flew across to where Sirius was now fighting Lucius Malfoy full on. She stood back to back with him, her eye on Harry. A Death Eater shot a spell at her. "PROTEGO!" she shouted, but he sent another one. "EXPELLIARMUS!" She was panicking now. The Death Eater was sending out spells quicker than anything and she wasn't fast enough for them. Sirius shot a spell wordlessly over his back and it blasted the Death Eater back. It was as if he had been waiting to fight for all this time, as though it was effortless for him. She could almost feel the excitement and adrenaline radiating off of his sweaty body.

"Sirius!" She screamed. "I've never battled before!" She was about to cry when another spell went her way and she dodged it quickly.

"You're doing splendidly!" Sirius cheered. "Don't worry!"

There was a rumbling sound and thousands of glass prophecies started rolling into the room, shattering easily against the stones. Gwen looked behind her, where Lucius and Sirius were fighting. Lucius held the prophecy in his hand. Turning fully, she sent a Stunner straight to it and it shattered in his hands, leaving him absolutely dumbfounded. Gwen quickly turned back as another Death Eater sent a Stunner at her. She blocked it quickly and heard Sirius blast Lucius Malfoy away.

"Sirius, help!" she shouted. Sirius threw the Death Eater she was fighting back with a flick of his wand.

"I got you, Gwennie, don't worry!" he shouted over the noise.

A spell came flying towards them and Harry blocked quickly. "Nice one, James!" Sirius shouted. Harry and Gwen glanced at each other.

There was an ear piercing scream and Gwen turned. Tonks was fighting Bellatrix Lestrange and was obviously losing. Nobody was near Sirius or Gwen.

"Sirius, we have to help her!" Gwen shouted, directing Sirius's attention to the fight. Sirius shot a spell at her just as Bellatrix blasted Tonks back. "TONKS!" Gwen screamed. She ran to the limp body across the room, dodging Stunners as she went.

She slapped her in the face a few times, but she would not wake up. She noticed that Tonks had hit her head when she fell, as there was blood on her scalp. Gwen felt the panic start to rise in her. "Oh Merlin, Tonks," she whispered, terrified. She noticed there was a pile of fallen bricks and she picked up her friend. She dashed over to the pile and hid Tonks behind it, disillusioning her. It was the best she could do. She flew back over to Sirius, who was in an intense battle with Bellatrix Lestrange. Gwen had her wand at the ready when Bellatrix sent a Stunner at her direction.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" she heard Bellatrix scream. As Gwen was flying backwards in the air, she saw the green light flash against Sirius's almost smiling face.

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Gwen woke up, feeling an aching pain in her head. She felt the cold floor beneath her and suddenly woke up with a jerk. Panic settled in immediately when she saw the fight was still happening. She shakily got to her feet, her body in absolute turmoil. She ran to the center, looking around, when she heard a scream from the next room.

That was when she saw him for the first time. She had ran to the sound of the shout and she realized it had been from him. He was paler than any human being she had seen before. Was he even human? His red eyes glowed like a demon and he seemed almost…. Reptilian. His eyes locked with hers. It all happened so fast. He suddenly whisked himself away in a cloud of black and suddenly the fighting in the Department of Mysteries halted. She looked around. Most of the Death Eaters were gone and the ones that remained seemed paralyzed.

She walked cautiously into the room where he had been and there was Harry with Dumbledore, both panting from exhaustion. She got down on her knees, realizing how much her ankle was hurting. She saw Remus, Kingsley, and Moody walk in and she hurriedly gestured Remus over.

"Tonks," she croaked. "She's behind the pile of bricks. She's passed out." He nodded and ran back into the other room. Gwen laid down on the floor. She heard other people come into the room, but she heard nothing. She felt her mind go absolutely blank and all she could hear was the constant buzzing in her ear.

She felt someone shake her. "Gwendolyn." Kingsley's deep voice rang into her silence and she sat up slowly. "Come on. We're going to Hogwarts."

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Madame Pomfrey insisted that Gwen stay in bed while she tended to the slight wound on her head.

"You're very lucky," the nurse kept saying. "Surviving your first battle with a scratch." Gwen was in a daze. It was as though her mind had gone blank.

Kingsley and Moody were sitting in the Hospital Wing in two chairs. Four of the six children were all in beds beside Gwendolyn. Ron was asleep, but Hermione and Ginny were murmuring softly. The blonde girl called Luna was in a chair next to the boy named Neville, looking out the window. Neville was in bed and he was unable to speak, to his displeasure.

"Where's Tonks?" Gwen whispered finally, her thoughts finally gathering.

"At St. Mungo's," Kingsley said softly. He seemed to be waiting for something, oddly enough. Gwen wasn't sure what it was.

"Is she okay?" she said, suddenly coughing fitfully. Madame Pomfrey rushed over to her with some water. "Thank you," Gwen croaked, drinking it.

"She's fine," Moody said. "She's a tough one, that Tonks. Got some nerve." Gwen would have smiled.

"Is Professor Lupin with her?" Ginny asked. Gwen looked at Ginny, who seemed rather flustered from the battle. She felt immensely proud of the girl, fighting like that. If it had terrified Gwen, she could have only imagined how Ginny had felt. She suddenly remembered Bill and how she and Ginny had not spoken since before Bill and Gwen broke up. It wasn't intentional- Ginny had been at school. But Gwen couldn't help wondering what her relationship with Ginny Weasley would be like now.

"Yes," Kingsley responded.

"Where's Harry?" asked Gwen.

"With Professor Dumbledore," Hermione responded. "He isn't taking it very well."

Gwen was about to ask what Hermione was talking about when it hit her like the pile of bricks she had hid Tonks behind.

Sirius was dead.

Sirius had been killed by Bellatrix Lestrange in front of her.

She could have saved him.

"Oh Merlin…" Gwen whispered, feeling the tears suddenly well up in her eyes.

"Miss O'Shea, you need to relax!" Madame Pomfrey hissed but Gwen didn't listen. She broke into sobs.

Sirius was gone! Killed right before her eyes! The world seemed to disappear and she stuffed her face into her pillow as she blocked out everything. She felt people touching her, talking to her, but they weren't really there. They didn't matter. Sirius was dead. One of her best friends in the universe. Dead. Her partner she had sworn to keep safe. Dead. Gone.

She started heaving and she leapt up and ran to the bathroom, despite Madame Pomfrey's shouts. She locked the door and flung herself over the toilet. She heaved, but nothing came out. She sobbed in despair and sunk to the floor, staring at the ceiling. The tears streamed down to the floor and she felt herself completely let go.

She wasn't sure how long it was before the tears finally subsided, leaving an empty ache in her heart. She felt insane, but perhaps thinking she was insane made her sane. She got up slowly, her head spinning.

She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and breathed. Composing herself, she entered the Hospital Wing. Harry was back and Ron was waking up. Remus was standing by the door. All eyes were on her as she entered the room. Harry locked eyes with her and she immediately went over to him. Harry hugged her tightly and they stayed like that as Harry clung to her. She thought he was going to rip her sleeve off with how tightly he gripped her. "It's gonna be okay, Harry," she whispered, her voice trembling.

Harry didn't say anything, but shook slightly in her arms. She let go of him and looked at him and gave a sad smile. Then she looked at the clock.

"I have to go," she said suddenly.

"Where are you going?" Remus asked.

"There's something I need to do," she said softly, her voice nearly cracking. "For Sirius."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED RETURNS_

 _By Gwendolyn O'Shea_

 _In a brief statement Friday night, Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge confirmed that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has returned to this country and is active once more. "It is with great regret that I must confirm that the wizard styling himself Lord- well, you know who I mean- is alive and among us again," said Fudge, looking tired and flustered as he addressed reporters. "It is with almost equal regret that we report the mass revolt of the Dementors of Azkaban, who have shown themselves averse to continuing in the Ministry's employ. We believe that the dementors are currently taking direction from Lord- Thingy. We urge the magical population to remain vigilant. The Ministry is currently publishing guides to elementary home and personal defence that will be delivered free to all wizarding homes within the coming month."  
_  
 _The Minister's statement was met with dismay and alarm from the wizarding community, which as recently as last Wednesday was receiving Ministry assurances that there was "no truth whatsoever in these persistent rumours that You-Know-Who is operating amongst us once more." Details of the events that led to the Ministry turnaround are still hazy, though it is believed that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and a select band of followers (known as Death Eaters) gained entry to the Ministry of Magic itself on Thursday evening. Albus Dumbledore, newly reinstated headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, reinstated member of the International Confederation of Wizards and reinstated Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, was unavailable for comment last night. He has insisted for a year that You-Know-Who was not dead, as was widely hoped and believed, but recruiting followers once more for a fresh attempt to seize power. Meanwhile the Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter, who was unavailable for comment as well, remains at Hogwarts School in what the Prophet has been assured the utmost protection._

 _A series of arrests have been made since what has been dubbed the Battle of the Ministry, including that of Lucius Malfoy, who until his arrest was viewed as a very prominent and respectable Ministry worker. All members of society previously accused of Death Eater activity will be brought in for questioning, according to a Ministry worker who would like to go anonymous._

 _Despite the presence of Death Eaters and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, there was only one casualty at the Ministry Friday night. Sirius Black, now confirmed innocent in the murders of the twelve Muggles and the murder of Peter Pettigrew, was killed by Bellatrix Lestrange while fighting against the Death Eaters. It has been rumored that he will be given Order of the Merlin, First Class in honor of his sacrifice.  
_  
Tonks looked up from reading the article and smiled lopsidedly at Gwen. She was still dizzy and a bit more uncoordinated than usual. "Are you finally top dog?"

"I think so," Gwen said softly. She took back the paper and looked fondly at Sirius's name, her heart still aching. "I hope this does him justice. They want me to write a whole special on him later this month. It'll be my best project."

The two girls sat quietly Tonks's hospital room, nothing being heard but the bustling of the nurses and Healers in the corridor. "I feel like it's my fault," Tonks croaked.

"Me too," Gwen whispered. She took her friend's hand. Tonks's hair was brown now, which Gwen was sure she had never seen before. And she cried.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _End of Book I_


	14. The Teacher

Everything changed within the next two weeks.

Nobody set foot in Grimmauld Place. Gwendolyn realized she had left lots of clothes and her favorite shampoo there, but she could not bear to go back. It was haunted with memories. Nights with Sirius, kisses with Bill. Playing cards and drinking wine and laughing with her friends. But everything she had treasured in the past year had vanished like a snowflake on a hot skillet.

There was a real practical reason that nobody had returned to Grimmauld Place, too. Nobody knew if Bellatrix Lestrange, Sirius's next living relative, would be given access to the house. Any meals or get togethers were now at the Burrow, but Gwen was not anxious to attend. She wasn't sure what their gatherings would be like without Sirius and she wasn't interested in finding out. And then there was Bill. He was living with his parents for the time being and going to the Burrow meant seeing him.

Her heart was aching. Sometimes it felt like too much to handle.

Her work life changed significantly. It seemed that yes, Gwendolyn O'Shea was the new Rita Skeeter. Her multitude of measly assignments were sent to others and she was given one large assignment for the week. Mr. Cuffe treated her with the utmost admiration and respect. Her colleagues gave her fake smiles and congratulated her halfheartedly for her success. Only Betty was genuinely glad for her.

The two women spent a lot of lunch hours in London. She wished she could speak to Betty more honestly, but since she was not a member of the Order, Gwen had to watch what she said. But Betty knew that Gwen fought at the Ministry that fateful night and she was extremely curious. Gwen said what she could, admitting how unprepared she had felt that night.

"Maybe you should get a teacher," her friend suggested. "This war is getting nasty, darling. I think we should all become more equipped."

The idea inspired Gwen but she wasn't sure who to ask. Happily, it seemed with the arrest of a multitude of Death Eaters, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was taking a step back for the time being. All that was heard about his movements was the murder of Karkaroff, who had fled Hogwarts at the time of his old master's return a year prior. Nobody was surprised that the man had been found and killed.

She had not seen Tonks or Remus despite invitations to go eat with them and the Weasleys at the Burrow. They reminded her of Sirius and the Burrow reminded her of Bill, so she avoided both like the plague. It was until she got word of an official Order meeting two weeks after Sirius's death that Gwendolyn realized she would be forced to face the pain she had been desperately trying to push away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Gwen!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed as Gwen walked into the Burrow the day of the meeting. The older woman immediately embraced Gwen, who laughed.

"Hello Mrs. Weasley," Gwen greeted.

"Come into the kitchen, dear, I'm just making tea." The two women went into the kitchen, where Remus and Tonks were sitting.

"Gwen!" Tonks leapt up and ran into her arms, her luscious neon pink curls bouncing behind her. Gwen couldn't help but cling to her for dear life.

"Tonks, I've missed you!" Gwen whispered. They broke their embrace and she looked over at Remus and they smiled at each other.

"How have you been, Gwen?" he asked, taking her hand.

"As well as expected," she admitted. It was odd, seeing them. She was half expecting Sirius to come bounding down the stairs into the kitchen. "And yourself?"

He nodded and wrapped his arm around Tonks. "Better," he said, looking at Tonks lovingly.

"So, er, this?" She looked at them with eyebrows raised.

"It's official!" Tonks exclaimed gleefully.

 _"You know, when people in a group start dating, the group falls apart," Sirius explained quickly. "So when our dear friends begin their relationship, promise we'll be there third-wheeling together." He held out his hand, extending his pinky. She smiled and wrapped her pinky around his._

 _"Promise."_

"Wonderful!" Gwen exclaimed, hiding her sudden sadness over Sirius. "I'm very glad for you both."

"Gwen, darling!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "Can you help me bring the tea into the sitting room?"

"I'll help as well!" Tonks said.

"No, no, it's fine!" Mrs. Weasley shrieked. Gwen grinned at Tonks as she carried in the cream and sugar to the sitting room and set them on the table.

"Mrs. Weasley, you should 'ave called me to help you with eet."

Gwen turned at the sound of the unfamiliar voice.

At the entrance to the sitting room stood an elegant girl with long blonde hair and a beautiful pale face. Her body was slim and curvy and her eyes were blue, but not like Gwen's. This girl's eyes were light and clear, like… ice. She seemed familiar but Gwendolyn couldn't place where she had seen her before.

"Oh no," Mrs. Weasley said in a high pitched voice. "We were able to manage on our own, Fleur."

Gwen's heart dropped into her stomach and she wished for nothing more than to slink away into nothing. This was the girl. The girl that Bill had fallen in love with and left her for. The girl who had shattered Gwendolyn's chances of happiness.

"Who eez zis?" Fleur asked, rather rudely, gesturing at Gwen.

"This is Gwendolyn," Mrs. Weasley introduced awkwardly. "Gwen, this is Fleur."

"I am Bill's girlfriend," Fleur said in a manner than stuck a dagger through Gwen's heart. They shook hands.

"Nice to meet you," Gwen said, trying to keep up her smile.

Fleur turned to Mrs. Weasley. "Your people will be 'ere soon, so I must go and get changed."

"Go do that," Mrs. Weasley said softly. As soon as the girl was gone, Mrs. Weasley rushed over to Gwen. "Oh dear, I'm so terribly sorry."

Gwen smiled at her, nearly shaking. "What for?"

"Well, it's a tad bit awkward-"

"Oh no!" Gwen waved it off. "I'm sure she's lovely."

"She's actually rather wretched," Mrs. Weasley muttered. "She and Bill are staying here for a while. Since Fred and George have moved out, we've had extra space."

The Order members started slowly trickling in. It was the first meeting since Sirius died and everyone seemed more aware of the fragility of life.

"Gwen!" Ginny called from the stairs. "Come here!" Gwen went over to her.

"Hi Ginny," she said sweetly.

"Have you seen Fleur yet?" Ginny whispered.

Gwen felt the sinking feeling yet again. "Yes, just a few minutes ago."

"Oh, Gwen, she's horrible!" Ginny said miserably. "I would much rather- I mean, I wish-"

"Ginny," Gwen said sternly. "We just have to deal with her. It's okay."

"You never come anymore!" Ginny whined. "I miss you!"

"I'll come more," Gwen promised, not sure if she really would. Seeing Fleur once for a few minutes had made her miserable.

"Promise?" Ginny said softly. There was a sound of steps coming down the stairs and Ginny's eyes widened.

"Promise." Gwen whispered hurriedly as Fleur approached them.

"It 'ees uncivilized to 'ave conversation on zee stairs!" Fleur said snobbishly. Ginny glanced at Gwen, who smiled apologetically at Fleur.

"Sorry." Fleur made a noise and went into the sitting room.

Soon enough, Bill arrived and sat beside Fleur. Gwen couldn't help glancing at them every so often. They did look lovely…. But Gwen and Bill were better. She knew that. They were meant to be! They had to be…

Dumbledore stood at the front of the group. There was a tangible silence in the room. It felt like ages since they all met last.

"Hello everybody," He greeted. "I would like to begin today's meeting with a sort of memorial. I am sure we all know of the murder of our dear friend, Sirius." There was a silence again and Gwen felt the tears coming to her eyes again. She swallowed and blinked furiously to keep them back.

"Unfortunately, there is no body, so I thought we could take the time to celebrate and respect Sirius's life before we move on to the matters that need to be discussed. If you could, please, take a minute of silence in honor of Sirius Black, the first fallen soldier of the Second Order of the Phoenix."

The silence was beautiful. The sun streamed through the windows and the birds chirped outside. It was peaceful and… heavenly, perhaps. Gwen closed her eyes and suddenly felt a sense of relief for her friend. _If there is a heaven,_ she thought. _I hope it feels like this and I hope it's where you are.  
_  
 _Don't worry, Gwennie. I'm alright._ She could almost hear him whispering the words into her ear.

"Thank you." Dumbledore said solemnly breaking the silence. "Now, if anyone would like to say a word or two about Sirius, I will give you time to do so." There was an awkward pause, when finally Mrs. Weasley stood up, surprisingly.

"Well…" She paused. "I spent quite a bit of time with Sirius Black in the past year. At first I was rather scared of him, since I was so sure he was a murderer. But then, as I got to know him, I realized he was the most infuriating person who ever lived!" People started to laugh and Gwen smiled. It was true. Sirius knew how to push buttons. "But he was such a good friend to me and to everyone here. He was wonderful with Harry and…" She choked up slightly. "I miss his company." She sat down quickly and hid her face.

Remus stood up and Gwen held her breath for a moment. If Mrs. Weasley broke down, she was sure Remus would. Remus had known Sirius better than anyone else.

"Sirius Black was my best friend," he said quietly. "And he was an honorable man. A foolish man, at times, but he always had the best intentions. I have never found a friend quite like Sirius and I don't… I don't believe I'll ever find one like him again." He sat down and a few people clapped. Tonks clung to Remus to comfort him.

A few other people spoke of Sirius, how brave he was in the first war, how good he was for enduring Azkaban, how clever he was for evading the authorities. Gwen was tempted to stand up, but she wondered if she could truly voice how she felt. She was much better on paper than she was in person.

"Anyone else?" Dumbledore asked and he received no reply. "Very well. I believe that we have given Sirius the honor he deserves." A few people nodded in agreement.

And the meeting began. Dumbledore introduced Fleur as their new member, while Gwen suddenly became very interested in the window. Snape made a report about how Voldemort was taking the attack, saying that the wizard himself was sitting back while his Death Eaters attacked various targets as inconspicuously as possible. He spoke of Voldemort using werewolves, to which Tonks made a worried noise and clung to Remus.

Now that they were actually an item, Tonks and Remus were a little more nauseating than cute, Gwen noted.

Dumbledore warned everyone to remain vigilant, especially the members who fought at the Ministry.

"How will we be fetching Potter?" Moody asked.

"I will be retrieving Harry this year," Dumbledore informed them. "However, I appreciate the enthusiasm, Alastor." Moody grunted. "While we are on the subject of Harry, I would like to inform you of our plans to keep the boy safe. As usual, we have one Order member stationed on Privet Drive- tonight it is Emmeline Vance. When I retrieve him, it is assumed that I should bring him here?"

"Absolutely," said Molly. "I wouldn't want him anywhere else."

"He'll be safe here," Tonks chipped in gleefully.

"Excellent," Dumbledore said with a slight smile. "He will obviously be escorted to the station by the Weasleys. I will need two Order members on the train the day Harry is taken to Hogwarts."

"I'll do it," volunteered Bill. Gwen nearly cringed at hearing his voice again.

"Any other volunteers?" Dumbledore asked. Nobody said anything. "Gwendolyn! Would you be able to do so?"

Gwen looked up at Dumbledore. Patrolling with Bill? Really Dumbledore? She wasn't sure if she wanted to. It might be nice, to finally be able to talk to him. But it might be heartbreaking and awful. However, she knew that where Dumbledore asked her to go was where she was needed. "Yeah," she said as casually as possible. She didn't want to see Bill's reaction, so she stared at her hands.

"Very well. I will also need two people in Hogsmeade and at the station that night." Gwendolyn wondered why Dumbledore didn't just have her go there, since she lived in the village. Maybe he wanted her to reconcile with Bill? It was awkward when two Order members had problems, like Snape and Sirius or Snape and Remus or Snape and…. Basically everyone. Perhaps Snape was a lost cause, but maybe Dumbledore saw hope in Bill and Gwen fixing things.

Or maybe he was just too old to remember that Bill and Gwen had just gone through an awful breakup.

"Kingsley and Tonks? Would you?" Dumbledore asked. They nodded. "The final security measure will be inside the school itself. The school is arguably one of the safest places in the world for anyone to be right now. The wards are the strongest we have ever had. Nobody who I do not want to be in the castle can get in, so we can all agree that Harry is safe there."

"So what do we need to do?" asked Arthur.

"I will be leaving the school for periods of time during the year for reasons I cannot divulge to you just yet," Dumbledore replied. "While we have three fantastic Order members already at Hogwarts-"He nodded at McGongall, Snape, and Hagrid. "I cannot leave the school without extra protection. When I am to leave, I will have three additional Order members in the school at a time. Shifts will be assigned and I will give good notice before I go, in case of schedule conflict."

"But, if you'll pardon me for asking, Professor, why do we need guards in the school when you said the wards are extremely strong?" Gwen asked.

"Excellent question, Gwendolyn." Dumbledore sighed and walked a little closer to the group. "As we have a younger generation of Order members upstairs playing wizard chess right now-"He fell silent and looked up at the ceiling and they all listened to Hermione yelling at Ron. A few people chuckled. "There is a younger generation of Death Eaters being raised up as well. They are ambitious, as are our young ones, and they can be reckless. I do not know if anything will happen, but we must vigilant. I am sure any extremely ambitious person inside of Hogwarts could find a way to let unwanted visitors in. Therefore, we need extra protection."

"We'll help any way we can!" Hestia Jones said and a few members made hooting sounds and cheers.

Dumbledore smiled kindly at the crowd. "I am very lucky to have such a motivated group of people," he said cheerfully. "Now, for our last topic of discussion before we disperse- Harry's emotional health." The excitement in the room faded away.

"Sirius's death devastated him," Remus said quietly.

"I don't know what good it does him locked up with those awful Muggle all summer!" McGonagall said sharply.

"He needs someone to talk to," Tonks suggested.

"He has all of us, when he gets here," Mrs. Weasley said. "And he has the Headmaster and Ron and Hermione."

"But he doesn't have a parental figure," Dumbledore said.

"He's got me!" Mrs. Weasley protested. "I'm as good as his mother."

"She's right," Kingsley agreed. "Harry's always viewed Molly as his mother."

"Forgive me, Molly, I understand, but that isn't what I meant." Mrs. Weasley gave a hmph, then leaned back in her chair. "Harry is very much like his mother in nature and, I believe, needs someone like his mother to talk with."

"Gwen," Remus said suddenly and she felt all the eyes in the room land on her. She, for the second time that day, wanted to melt away beneath the floorboards. It was also getting rather annoying, being "like" this woman whom everyone portrayed as an angel. She had never met Lily Potter and while she must have been a lovely woman, Gwen would much rather be herself than "like Lily".

"I don't see any similarities," McGonagall objected, looking over Gwen as though to find proof to support her opinion.

"Nor do I," Remus explained quickly. "But Sirius did."

"I agree with Sirius," Dumbledore said. "Harry has grown quite attached to you, Gwendolyn. You have been in correspondence, have you not?"

She felt rather awkward that Dumbledore seemed to know everything about everyone. "Yeah. I mean, I sent him some Quidditch stuff before Umbridge became Headmistress and he used to write once a week. When she took over, obviously he couldn't, but he's been writing me much more often since Sirius…" She faded off.

"I think you are the perfect person to counsel Harry," Dumbledore said kindly. "You are, in some ways, like his mother, which can be comforting to him, just as it comforted him that Sirius was like his father. You are younger than most of us and he has already formed a bond with you."

"I don't really understand what you mean by counsel him," Gwen said, feeling rather overwhelmed. She just wanted to go home. Bill and Fleur were cuddling and Sirius was dead and she had an article to write and everyone was comparing her to a dead woman and she felt absolutely and utterly mad.

"Keep writing to him. Talk to him when he comes. Listen to him, make sure he isn't going insane. Imagine being sixteen years old and having the weight of the wizarding world on your shoulders! He needs a confidant and I believe you will do a wonderful job." Gwen didn't say anything, for she wasn't sure what she was to say. Could she counsel someone when perhaps she herself needed counseling? Was she even allowed to say no? She didn't know. It felt weak to decline a job assignment from Dumbledore. So, without any other options, she nodded and Dumbledore concluded the meeting,

She grabbed her bag and passed Bill and Fleur snogging on the couch as she left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

True change started with her hair.

It was another hot summer in Scotland, though not as hot as the previous year. Gwen's long, curly hair could not be tamed, no matter how much she tried. The potions and products she used could not beat the heat. Yet Fleur Delacour's long, blonde hair stayed sleek and smooth no matter what weather conditions hit. Gwendolyn had kept her promise to Ginny and was visiting the Burrow more often, usually only when Bill was working. It was easier to see just Fleur than both of them. So since she saw Fleur often, she saw her infuriatingly perfect hair just as often and Gwen was very tempted to ask what her secret was. Or shave off all her hair while she was sleeping. She started getting silly thoughts, like if Bill left Gwen for Fleur because Fleur had better hair.

Gwen was starting to feel like Fleur was just a better version of her. Gwen had long hair, but Fleur had nicely kept long hair. Gwen had a nice body, but Fleur's was better. They both had blue eyes but Fleur's were more intense.

One Saturday morning, Gwen got up and saw the mop on her head and she suddenly wanted to change her life.

So she went to a hair salon and cut it all off, right up to her shoulders. They sold professional hair sleeking potions and she bought enough bottles to last the summer. Sporting her new, more chic hairstyle, she went and bought some new clothes. Being single and the _Prophet_ 's top writer certainly had its perks, she had to admit. After getting lunch by herself in Diagon Alley, she Apparated home and decided to redecorate a bit. She cleaned the house from top to bottom and rearranged her furniture to give the house a different feel. She put up pictures that she found on her desk and under her bed.

By the day's end, she was rather pleased with her work. Soon enough, she would be moving to a lovely flat in London and she would be moved to the London _Prophet_ office. _Maybe I should buy some books or something,_ she wondered as she made dinner.

She needed to get out of the slump she had been in all summer. It was nearly August and she had spent all her summer home, doing work and crying over Bill and Sirius.

Sirius wouldn't have liked it, she was sure. He would have wanted her to go out on the town and meet new people and forget about Bill. And while she wasn't in the mood to do all that just yet, she was going to try her best to forget Bill Weasley. And she was going to lead a better life.

XXXXXXXXXXX

It was at the Order meeting that Emmaline Vance's murder was announced that Gwen remembered what Betty had said about getting lessons.

A few members of the Order broke out into sobs when Dumbledore told them the news. Gwen was in absolute shock. They just killed her because she was an Order member? Not even in a battle or anything? Were they really that ruthless? Of course they are, they're Death Eaters! Her feeling of vulnerability flooded back to her.

Who could teach her? Dumbledore was much too busy and it looked as though he was recently injured- his hand looked like he had put it in the oven for a few minutes too long. She was too friendly with Remus and Tonks. They wouldn't push her to her limit. The Weasleys wouldn't either. She looked around the room, evaluating each person as a potential teacher when she saw him.

Snape. She had barely spoken to him since their talk over cake in the kitchen. He was a good teacher, from what she remembered. He was rather cruel to the Gryffindors, but he pushed her to her limit and she was fairly confident in her Potions making skills now, though it had been a while. He had always wanted to teach Defense, but he never got the post, so maybe he would actually want to teach her. And who better to teach someone to defend against Death Eaters than… well, a Death Eater.

When the meeting finally concluded, Gwen rushed over to Snape before he had the chance to leave. "Er, hello Snape," she said awkwardly. He turned to look at her. He always seemed to have an air of annoyance. "I need to ask you something." He looked at her expectantly, not replying. "I need someone to teach me how to duel."

"Were you not part of the Battle of the Department of Mysteries?" He said, sarcasm painting every syllable.

"Yes," she said briskly. "I survived by sheer luck and I need someone to teach me how to defend myself."

"And why have you chosen to give me such a task?"

"You've always wanted to teach Defense, haven't you?" She said confidently. "But you haven't gotten the job and well, I figured you would teach me."

Snape smirked slightly. "Well, Gwendolyn, as much as this may surprise you, I have gotten the job."

Gwen blinked. "Really?"

"Really."

"Well, congratulations." She never thought he would actually get the post. "But I still need a teacher, so if you won't do it, I'll have to go find someone else."

"I never said I wouldn't."

This surprised her more than the other news. "So you will? Why?"

"Nobody else in this Order is competent enough to teach you, besides Dumbledore," he said dismissively. "However, you must be prepared to work hard. My time is precious and I won't have it wasted."

"I'm prepared," she said determined.

"We'll see about that," he muttered with a smirk but Gwen ignored his lack of faith. She was ecstatic that he had agreed. She was beaming until she noticed Remus and Tonks were watching them from across the room.

"Fine, fine," she said hurriedly, suddenly wanting to finish the conversation as quickly as possible. "Can we start this week?"

"Since you have told me before you do not allow men in your house," He smirked. "And I have a… guest in mine who will not be pleased to see me training an Order member, I don't believe we can begin until I return to Hogwarts in three weeks."

Tonks was approaching them. "Alright," Gwen said quickly with a smile. "Thank you, Snape. It means a lot."

"Wotcher, Gwen. Snape," Tonks said, looking at Snape with a darker look than she did Gwen. "We're eating dinner now."

Snape didn't say anything to Tonks, but looked at Gwen and said, "I'll let you know when I'm available." Gwen groaned internally as Tonks raised an eyebrow.

"Alright." He left and Tonks immediately began questioning her, as expected.

"Available for what? Why were you even speaking with him?"

Gwen sighed. "It's nothing like you're thinking, don't worry."

"Are you sure? You ought to be careful with the likes of him, you know." They made their way to the kitchen when they heard cheering.

Upon walking in, there was Bill, on one knee in front of Fleur, holding a box with a beautiful ring inside.


	15. The Lesson

"Happy Birthday, Harry!"

"Gwen!" Harry Potter went over to hug her and he gripped her rather tightly. They broke the hug and Gwen held his hands and looked him over, smiling. He seemed thinner and paler.

"You've cut your hair!" He noticed.

"I nearly forgot about that," Gwen laughed. She handed him a bag with tiny little broomsticks on it. "Open it later," she whispered mischievously. "Everyone will be upset they didn't get you the best present." Harry grinned.

"Thank you. You didn't have to." She waved it off.

"How are you? How was your summer?" She asked as they walked over to the sitting room, away from everyone else eating Snitch birthday cake in the kitchen. Gwen remembered her assignment of counseling Harry and felt guilty. She would have done it anyway, even if she didn't have to.

"It was… alright." She raised an eyebrow.

"Harry, you don't have to pretend with me. It was a difficult summer for us all." He sighed.

"I can't stop thinking about Sirius. I can't help feeling guilty…"He faded off and Gwen took his hands again.

"I felt guilty too. But… then I realized that it won't bring him back." She felt a lump in her throat. "I miss him too, Harry, but he wouldn't want you or me or anyone to be miserable." She forced a smile.

"I know you're right," Harry admitted. "I just feel awful. It's hard to get better."

"It takes time. Sometimes longer than we expect…" She faded off.

"Well, what have you been up to this summer?" He asked. Great. He was doing a better job at making them feel better than she was.

"Working a lot, writing a lot, planning to move," she said with a shrug. "Nothing very interesting, just boring adult stuff."

"Moving? You won't be in Hogsmeade anymore?"

"I'm scheduled to move to the London _Prophet_ office by next year," she explained. "I've always wanted to live in London so this is the perfect excuse to finally do it." He nodded slowly, seeming slightly concerned. "Don't worry. I'll still be around the village. And if you ever want to meet in Hogsmeade, I'm only an owl away." He gave a reluctant smile. "Come! It's your birthday! You've got a whole month left before term starts and a party in the kitchen. I want to taste some of that Snitch cake Mrs. Weasley said she was making." Harry led her into the kitchen, where the gathering was. Mrs. Weasley quickly ran up to her and embraced her and had her sit by Hermione. It was a small affair. Ron, Ginny, and Arthur were there- of course. Fleur and Bill were talking to Remus.

Seeing Bill gave her a lump in her throat. She had thought that his relationship with Fleur would be temporary. But engagement…

She pushed the thoughts away. It was Harry's birthday, for Merlin's sakes! This wasn't about her!

"How have you been, Gwen?" Hermione asked as Mrs. Weasley gave Gwen a piece of delicious looking Snitch cake.

"I'm well," she said, eating her cake. Hermione was a nice girl. Perhaps… too nice. But she was a lovely, bright, and brave girl and while Gwen found her rather dull, Hermione reminded her of herself at that age.

"I've seen your articles in the _Prophet,"_ Hermione said. "They're the most truthful of them all, I think. And very well written."

"Even though we all know the _Prophet_ is a rag," Ron muttered.

"Ron, you're so rude!" Hermione snapped.

"Don't worry, I know it belongs in the bin," Gwen said, sipping her tea.

"It's become a bit more reliable as of late, I believe," Remus said matter-of-factly. "No doubt, thanks to you, Gwendolyn."

"Thank you, Remus," she beamed. "Mrs. Weasley, that cake was fantastic!" Mrs. Weasley took her dirty dish and Gwen turned back to Remus. "Where's Tonks? I haven't seen her in awhile."

Remus's face turned dark suddenly and he seemed rather awkward.

"She's, er, not feeling too well tonight. Wasn't up to coming." Bill said suddenly and Gwen looked over at him. It was the first time he had spoken to her all summer. They locked eyes for a moment before Gwen quickly looked away.

"That's unfortunate," she said quietly. Ginny seemed to notice the tension in the room, so she changed the conversation.

"So I take my OWLs this year," she informed them.

"You have to start studying now, Ginny!" Hermione reprimanded. "You need a study plan- I can help you, if you'd like."

"Bloody hell, Hermione-"

"Ron!" his mother snapped.

"Sorry, mum. Hermione, term hasn't even started yet!"

"What classes are you taking this year, Harry?" Gwen asked, noticing the boy had been unusually quiet.

"Defense, Charms, Herbology, and Transfiguration," Harry said.

"Not enough, Harry," Hermione tutted.

"I was awful at Herbology," Gwen said with a smirk. "Hated that class."

"I don't mind any class, as long as I don't have to be in Potions." Harry said, sounding absolutely exasperated and Gwen grinned at Remus. She remembered what Snape had said about teaching Defense this year. Obviously, Harry had no clue. He was certainly in for a surprise this year.

"Merlin, I hated Potions," Ron said, sounding relieved that he would no longer have to take it.

"You really hate Snape, huh?" Bill said, grinning. Gwen remembered how much the two of them dreaded going to Snape's class.

"I can't stand him!" Ron exclaimed.

"At least you can drop his class," Ginny moaned. "I'm stuck there for another year."

"Well, you'd have done well to keep taking Potions," Hermione said. "It's an important class, Harry, especially for future Aurors."

"I was going to, but I couldn't. My OWL wasn't high enough."

"I took Potions all seven years," Gwen said, remembering how much work NEWT level Potions were. She was ready to complain about it, but then remembered that she should encourage Ginny to take it even when it wasn't required. "It wasn't so bad."

"Were you a Slytherin?" Ron asked, sounding shocked.

"No, I was a Gryffindor."

"Did Snape like you?"

"No."

"Then you're lying."

"Ron, you're being so rude!"

"Oh shut it, Hermione!" The two started fighting rather loudly and Gwen mentally sighed. Some party this had turned out to be.

The kids eventually went upstairs and Gwen felt a need to see Tonks and bring her some cake. She bid everyone farewell, then Apparated in front of her friend's flat. She rang the bell and waited. She felt a bit rude appearing unannounced, but the way everyone had seemed so… uneasy when her name was mentioned had made Gwen curious.

Finally, the door opened and there was Tonks. Gwen gasped.

"Tonks… your hair is… brown!"

"Come in, Gwennie," Tonks said softly, her eyes looking slightly red. Gwen entered Tonks's flat. The lights were all off and the telly was on. There was a carton of Chinese food on a table in front of a couch and Tonks motioned for Gwen to sit down.

"I brought you cake," Gwen said awkwardly, placing it on the table.

"Thanks," Tonks muttered with a sniffle.

"You must be really sick," Gwen noted, seeing a bunch of used tissues on the floor. Something seemed off…

Tonks picked up the remote and muted the telly. "I'm not sick."

"Then what's the matter? Everyone acted so oddly when I inquired after you."

Tonks grabbed a tissue from a box on the couch and blew her nose. She crumpled it up and tossed it on the floor. She then sighed.

"Remus… Remus and I broke up last week." Tonks's eyes began to water.

"What… why? I thought you were getting along!"

"We were," she said softly, a tear streaming down her face. "But then he started talking about how he's leaving to live among the werewolves as a spy and how he's dangerous and poor and we had an awful fight and-"

"Tonks, relax, please!" Gwen begged as her friend burst into tears and fell into her arms. She held her tightly and felt water seeping into her blouse. "Oh, darling…" Tonks sat up, wiping her face vigorously.

"Don't tell the children," she said softly. "I'm so embarrassed."

"I won't," Gwen promised.

"After we broke up, I started realizing that Sirius was dead and how bad this war is getting," she whispered, sounding nearly frightened. "And I've been so miserable I can't even morph!"

"How do you fix that?"

"I don't know." She grabbed another tissue and started dabbing her face. She tossed it down and looked at Gwen. "Thank you for coming to see me."

Gwen smiled sadly at her best friend. "Tonks, you did the same for me, remember? And I've survived. You will too. I promise."

"I know," Tonks said, her voice cracking. The tears started to flow again. "It's just so hard!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One month later, the Hogwarts Express rolled into Hogsmeade station after a long voyage. The train doors opened and Gwen rushed out onto the platform, looking frazzled. Tonks, brown-haired still, approached her immediately. "Are you alright?" Tonks asked.

"Can you check the train for me when the kids get off?" Gwen whispered, almost shaking. "I have to go." Before Tonks could answer, Gwen rushed away into the village. The autumn wind whisked her short locks into her face as she hurried through Hogsmeade to her flat.

She burst into her home and threw herself on the couch and began to cry. _Damn you, Dumbledore!  
_  
It had been a disaster! Absolutely horrible! Dumbledore had been so wrong to have her paired with Bill on an assignment.

It began a tad bit awkwardly. Pacing the corridor together, breaking up little fights. Making small talk about the weather and about how the train hadn't changed.

Then Bill apologized for his displays of affection towards Fleur in front of her. She brushed it off, as though it had not mattered to her. It didn't bother her anymore, she had said. In fact, she had seen other people since New Year's. Bill seemed genuinely happy for her. And since she no longer cared for him, he felt no guilt in talking about Fleur.

And that was what he did for the rest of the trip. Fleur was the love of his life, he had said. They were in the process of planning their wedding- it was going to be fantastic. Everyone in the Order was invited. Gwen should get to know Fleur better- they would most definitely get along.

Gwen smiled and nodded and laughed and repeated. But inside she was dying- he was taking her already wounded heart and shredding it painfully, bit by bit. By the time they had arrived, she was about to burst, so without as much as a goodbye, she dashed off the train.

She sobbed hours' worth of emotional agony into a couch pillow. The clock struck 9 and Gwen remembered today was the day that she began lessons with Snape. The thought made her want to lock herself in her room and never come out again. But if she missed or was even late to her lesson, he would never help her again. Her eyes were puffy and red and her face was soggy from the tears. She washed her face viciously, trying to remove any hint that she had been crying. Snape would know exactly what was wrong if he noticed.

She was preparing dinner, when the doorbell rang. Since she wasn't expecting visitors, she grabbed her wand and cautiously approached the door.

"Who is it?" she asked loudly, trying to sound as threatening as possible.

"Tonks," replied a miserable sounding voice.

"What's your favorite animal?"

"A chameleon. What was your father keen to name you?"

Gwen opened the door. "Bridgette. I didn't know you were coming. I was just making some chicken."

"I feel like shit," Tonks muttered as she flopped down on Gwen's couch. Gwen glanced at her Defense book on the counter. She ought to review some material before leaving…

"Why? Do you want anything to drink? I have Bing and the tea's on."

"No thanks." She got up and kicked Gwen's coffee table. "I hate Snape!" she shouted.

"Don't take your anger out on my table," Gwen sighed, pouring herself some of the orange fizzy drink. "What did he do now?"

"He called my Patronus weak!" she shouted, tears streaming down her face.

"Why?" Gwen asked, her head beginning to ache. She wasn't in the mood for this- she had her own problems and nobody seemed to realize that. She gulped down her Bing and tossed the glass in the sink.

"Because it changed to a wolf," Tonks whined. "He saw it today. Harry was left on the train so I sent a message up to the school so someone would fetch him and of course it had to be Snape!" She sounded bitter.

"Why do you hate him so much?" Gwen asked, stuffing chicken into her mouth despite not really being hungry. "He's a git, but who cares?" Her friend was being rather sensitive over something so small.

Tonks sighed, running her hands through her hair. "He's fine. I trust him and all, but he's not nice. He just always has to be so nasty." She wiped away her tears and walked over to Gwen, grabbing a piece of chicken and popping it in her mouth, to Gwen's disdain. "My Patronus changed because… well, I love Remus. I hadn't cast a Patronus since before I fell in love with him."

"Oh Tonks," Gwen sighed, getting the tea.

"Can I have some tea?" Gwen started to make them two cups as Tonks blabbed on and on about Remus. He had just joined the werewolves as a spy. It was scary and Gwen missed his company, but she had faith that Remus would stand his ground quite well.

The two drank tea while Tonks kept talking, occasionally tearing a bit, while Gwen blankly nodded and murmured things that sounded like they made sense. Her head was pounding and her heart was aching and all she wanted was to sleep.

"Tonks," Gwen said suddenly. "I've got to go. I'm supposed to be somewhere in half an hour."

"Oh," the girl said softly, sounding sad. Gwen put the teacups in the sink and threw on her cloak and put on her shoes. She was immensely glad that Tonks didn't ask where she was going.

They said their goodbyes and Tonks Apparated away, while Gwen trekked on to the castle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I don't believe I ever discovered the grades you received on your Defense OWL and NEWT," Snape said, sitting across the desk from her.

"Es on both."

"Could have been better. I would like to believe that you have reviewed some basic spells before coming here tonight."

"I would have," she muttered. "If you hadn't made Tonks cry."

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

"She got so distraught because you told her that her Patronus is weak. She came crying to me when I was about to study."

"Well," he stood up, walking to the door of his office. "It isn't my fault she has allowed her broken heart to weaken her. She will get herself killed in this war if nobody tells her that she is being weak."

"There are nicer ways to say such things!" she countered. "Really, Snape, it just made her worse."

"I'm sure she will make a full recovery," he said nastily, opening the door.

"Where are you going?"

"We're going to my chambers. I have some rather delicate objects in my office that risk being damaged if I teach you in here."

They went down the damp and dark hallway to where his chambers were. It was a sitting room with a door on the opposite wall which she imagined led to his bedroom. It was dark, covered in bookshelves. There was a sofa in the middle of the room and a few coffee tables. He waved his wand and the couch and tables moved to the corners of the room.

"Now. At the Department of Mysteries, what approach were you using?" He asked, his back to her as he was looking for a book on the shelf.

"Er… well, I used a lot of Shield Charms." He sighed rather loudly and turned back to look at her, book in hand.

"Since you obviously need refreshing," he said, his disdain for her lack of knowledge very evident in his voice. "You are to read this before our next lesson. If you don't… well, then I suppose I'll know how much you want to improve." He put the book on the table, then turned to face her.

"If you listen to what I tell you and do what I ask, I guarantee that you can stand your ground in any battle or duel you participate in," Snape continued. "The Death Eaters are not particularly clever people nor especially skilled. There are few, however, who could kill you very easily if you do not know what you are doing. So right now, we're going to duel."

"What? I thought you were going to teach me!" Her eyes widened.

"And how on earth can I teach you if I have no idea where to start?" He said, sounding exasperated. She suddenly became extremely nervous and he seemed to notice. "I won't hurt you." He said, his voice _slightly_ softer than usual. "I only need to see how you react to being attacked. So take out your wand, Gwendolyn."

She took out her wand and grasped it tightly in her hand. He flicked his so subtly that she almost didn't realize the spell shooting towards her. She dodged it quickly and he did it again.

 _"Protego!"_ she shouted, but Snape sent another spell and she dodged it again and was about to send a stunner when he sent another one and it hit her, disarming her and sending her to the floor.

She was breathing heavily and still shaking slightly. He walked over and offered her his hand. She accepted it. "Since when have you been a gentleman?" she asked harshly, as he helped her up.

"No need to be rude," he countered, handing back her wand. "It might surprise you to know that dodging spells is not always the best tactic."

"Really?" she said, sarcastically. "I had no idea."

"My, my, someone is upset." He gestured for her to sit on the couch in the corner and he stood by her. "If you work hard, you will succeed," he assured her and she looked at him skeptically. "To be a successful duelist, you must be quick, subtle, expect everything, and deliver the unexpected. We will work on those four things in that order. Read the book, Gwendolyn. You will find there are much more useful spells than the Shielding Charm."

"Even if I learn stronger spells, I still always end up getting hit," she said. She was discouraged. She wanted to improve immediately.

"You reacted too slowly to my spells," he explained. "When you cast the Shielding Charm, I knew exactly what you were going to do."

"Because I said it," she muttered, feeling rather disappointed in herself.

"And because you moved your wand in a manner that allowed me to know. You also had no idea what I was going to throw at you and you weren't ready for it. Learn more spells and study the ones you know until you can recognize the wand movements for them instantly. Practice casting them silently."

She stood up suddenly and looked at him intensely. She didn't know what she was looking for in those black eyes, but she kept searching. "What are you looking for?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know," she whispered. She grabbed him suddenly and kissed him hard. He reciprocated, but after a while pulled away.

"So I must conclude that whatever happened with you and Bill Weasley on the train this evening was not in your favor," he said with a sneer. She said nothing but kissed him again. "Well," he said, nearly smirking. "It certainly was in mine."

She stayed the night.


	16. The Arrangement

September was warmer than Scotland was used to Septembers being. However, it was welcomed, since nobody was really ready to let go of summer. To celebrate the final days of sunshine and warm air, Madame Rosmerta put out some tables outside of the Three Broomsticks. It had become Gwen's routine to go every day with whatever work she was doing and eat her lunch outside.

Her big transfer to the Diagon Alley office had been nulled due to the fact that the village was barely functioning anymore. It hadn't made her as upset as she thought it would. Though she loved London, the idea of having to move all of her things to a new flat had not been exciting. The Hogsmeade office was now the main office for the _Prophet_ and it was busier than ever in there. Most of the London office workers had been transferred to the smaller Hogsmeade building, so it was absolutely cramped in there. Gwen longed for her lunch hour now.

She and Betty had drifted over the summer. They went to lunch once in a while, but they weren't as tightknit as they once were. Gwen knew it was because Betty wasn't in the Order and Gwen felt that she couldn't tell Betty everything as she once had. Not many people knew she was in the Order, despite being involved in the Battle of the Department of Mysteries. Betty did and she didn't seem to mind, but she seemed a bit uncomfortable asking Gwen certain questions.

One sunny Thursday at noon, Gwen went to the Three Broomsticks for lunch, carrying rolls of parchment and inkless quills. People gave her nasty looks when she used her beloved pens in public, so she decided to conform to the rest of the wizarding world. Sort of. She also brought the book Snape had given her, so if she ever finished proofreading her article and the one Betty asked her for help with, she could keep reading.

She was halfway through her own article when a shadow crossed her parchment. She looked up and there was Snape, smirking at her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, mildly surprised.

"A 'hello' would have sufficed," he muttered. She grinned and gestured for him to sit across from her.

"I didn't mean it like that," she reassured, going back to proofreading the paper quickly.

"You're rather good at that. You should think about being a teacher someday."

"Just because I can proofread quickly doesn't mean I can teach," she said, looking up at him.

"Then you should consider grading papers for me," he retorted.

"You never told me why you were here," she pointed out.

"To get lunch, just like you." As if on cue, Madame Rosmerta brought out Gwen's sandwich and butterbeer. Snape ordered his food.

"Doesn't Hogwarts feed you well enough?" Gwen asked as Rosmerta went back inside.

"One gets sick of eating the same ten meals for fifteen years," he said matter of factly.

"Touché," she said, rolling up her finished article and putting in her bag. She moved on to the next one, quickly marking Betty's rather poorly written article. "Oh Merlin, she needs a spellcheck quill."

"Those are known to be rather faulty."

"I know. That's why I never use them. But at least I know how to spell in the first place!" She put away Betty's parchment, not wanting a headache, and looked at Snape. "So, enough small talk. What did you want to talk about, Professor?" She used the title rather sarcastically and he raised an eyebrow.

"Why would I want anything?" he asked, equally sarcastic.

"You always have an agenda. You would not be sitting here if you didn't have a specific reason for doing so."

"I didn't anticipate on seeing you here," he explained. "But since I did-"

"Here we go," she muttered.

"-I wanted to know how you were doing with the book," he finished with a smirk.

She raised an eyebrow back at him. "That's all?"

"Should there be anything else?" he countered. Madame Rosmerta brought him his food.

She shrugged, but picked up said book. "It's really helpful. I'm only halfway through, though. It's been a busy week. I was going to read more now, but…" She gestured at him as he ate.

"And have you practiced silently casting spells?"

"Yeah, I think I can do them more confidently now," she said. "I'm having difficulty with the subtle wand movements though."

"We can work on that together," he said waving it off. "Come tonight."

"But I haven't finished the book." He gave her a look that said it didn't matter and she grinned.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Snape seemed rather pleased with Gwen's ability to cast spells silently. They were going to work on wand movement's later.

They spent the lesson working on Gwendolyn's speed. It was simple, really. Snape shot out disarming spells and stunners at a pace until Gwendolyn could confidently block them or flick another spell back, silently, of course. Once she had mastered a certain speed, he would go faster and faster until she was able to flick her wand just as quickly as he could.

"Perhaps we'll need to work on this once more," he concluded about two hours after they had begun.

"But I did well?" she asked.

"You did what you were supposed to do," he replied.

"But I did well," she concluded, her eyes twinkling with delight. Snape was definitely not one for compliments. He sat down on the couch and Gwen sat beside him and looked at him intently. They kissed for a moment, but then he pulled away.

"Gwendolyn, we need to talk about this," he said seriously. She felt her heart beating in fear. Hadn't she dealt with enough rejection this year? If Snape didn't even want to _shag_ her anymore…

"Okay," she said simply.

"If… this is to become a regular occurrence, nobody can know," he said.

"Of course not!" She was relieved. Snape helped her forget Bill and Sirius and the horrible war looming over everyone and he seemed to want to shag her often. Maybe one day she wouldn't even think about Bill anymore.

"Gwendolyn, you cannot take this lightly," his voice and eyes extremely serious. "You can't tell your little friends. You can't tell any family. You can't tell Bill Weasley to try and make him jealous." She smirked, about to lie and say that she didn't care how Bill felt, but he continued. "Nobody. No Death Eater can know that I am sleeping with a member of the Order of the Phoenix."

"I…" She suddenly felt rather sad. "I don't have any friends anyway." It was rather true. Tonks was unhinged, Remus was with the werewolves, Betty was growing distant, and Sirius was dead. "There's nobody to tell."

"Very well."

"Anything else?" she asked, leaning in to kiss him again, her face only an inch away from his.

"This is just sex," he murmured. "Nothing more." She smiled and kissed him.

"Well, thank Merlin for that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _Tackatatackatatackata_ went the typewriters in the office. It was a quiet day, for once, at the _Daily Prophet._ No big stories or breaking news. The London transfers were finally settled down. It was nearly noon on a Wednesday and not a sound could be heard but the ticking of the clock and the _tackata_ of the typewriters.

October had flown by for Gwendolyn. Until today, work had been extremely hectic. The London office had officially closed down and a new extension was built to the Hogsmeade office. Big stories were a regular thing now and Gwen was constantly writing and working and helping the new transfers.

She and Harry had stopped writing each other, except to make plans to meet. More and more owls were being intercepted and neither of them wanted to take the risk. She had seen and spoken to him while on patrol in the school and when he had been on a Hogsmeade trip. He was doing well, he had said. Quidditch was good, his studies were good, and Snape was awful. Malfoy was up to something. Harry was one of Slughorn's little favorites. Gwen would bring him sweets and Quidditch snippets and he would vent to her. She had to admit that it was not only her most important assignment for the Order, but her favorite.

She went to the Burrow now only for meetings and to have tea with Mrs. Weasley once in a while. The kids were at school, Remus was with the werewolves, and Tonks was in counseling. Gwen was proud her friend was trying to defeat the depression, but she worried for her still. Tonks spent more time home than anywhere else nowadays and Gwen would visit her when Tonks was up to it.

Bill seemed to think they were friends ever since the train ride, but it was painful to be his friend. Although they didn't talk about Fleur often, seeing him smile at her and not being able to kiss his smile wounded her heart deeply. Fleur obviously didn't know Gwen and Bill had been together, for she would have been livid at seeing them speak. Still, she seemed a bit cold towards Gwen and always made a point to snog Bill after he spoke with Gwen, to Bill's ignorant delight and Gwen's demise.

But she only forgot Bill when she spent the night with Snape, which was a roughly once a week occurrence. She hadn't seen him in the village since that warm September day. The lessons were going better than Gwen had ever imagined- she was now quick and subtle with her dueling skills. They were working on expecting spells, which Gwen found difficult. Snape knew a myriad of spells and to guess which one he was going to use was an immense challenge. But Snape assured her that if she could guess what he was going to do, she could do it for any Death Eater.

And the sex was good. Really, really good. But he had not been kidding when he said it was just sex. He would not touch her after they shagged. Sometimes, he even got up and dressed and left the room to wander the halls or something. Snape had insomniatic tendencies. But despite often sleeping alone- or at least feeling like it- having someone to shag still felt nice. Her friendship with Severus- yes, she had started using his first name now- was slowly budding. It was nice to have an adult friend who didn't sugarcoat everything or need her to be emotionally available constantly. And perhaps it was odd that it was Severus, but it was fine for her. They were using each other to forget the war and that was perfectly okay. Sirius and Moody used to talk about how everyone did that in the First War, so why not now? Why not them?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 _A.D. wants to see you tonight at 9._

 _-S.S._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The journey to Dumbledore's office was a nostalgic one. She remembered being just a girl, going to see Dumbledore to talk about being a reporter. She must have annoyed him to no end, but he was always so gracious and kind. Dumbledore used to remind her of Father Christmas.

"Licorice wands," she told the gargoyle. "Do you ever get sick of people only saying names of sweets to you all the time?" The gargoyle looked at her with an irritated look.

"I'm a statue."

"Right," she muttered, hurrying up the stairs. She knocked on the big oak door and heard Dumbledore say she could enter.

"Hello, my dear," he said smiling, those blue eyes twinkling. She smiled back. She had always liked Dumbledore.

"Hello, Professor."

"Have a seat. Would you like a sherbet lemon?"

Gwendolyn laughed, "No thank you, sir." She took a seat across the desk from Dumbledore, the seat hundreds had inhabited before her and would inhabit after her.

"I've been meaning to speak with you since Sirius's death," he explained and she suddenly felt the wave of realization that Sirius was gone again. "I wanted to know how you've been handling it."

 _Bit late._ "It was… difficult. But I guess I've decided that Sirius would have wanted me to be happy."

Dumbledore smiled. "That's a lovely way to think of it, Gwendolyn. Forgive me, but I've always been curious to know… if you and Sirius…"

Gwen's eyes widened and she shook her head. "No, no, no, we were just friends." She had seen him as more of a brother.

"I had to ask," Dumbledore admitted. "Old men like myself tend to be a bit nosey in the affairs of our younger friends."

She smiled kindly at him. "It's alright, Professor."

"And how was your first battle? I have told Alastor perhaps it was unwise to have thrown you into such a situation, but quite a few people had their first battles that day and returned physically unscathed."

"It was terrifying," she admitted. "I feel as though I escaped by sheer luck. But it's alright, I've been studying and preparing for the next one." She was rather proud of being proactive.

"Fantastic," he said cheerfully. "Well, this going much more smoothly than the conversation I had with our dear friend Nymphadora."

"I can imagine, sir," she said softly. _Poor Tonks…_

He asked about Harry and about work and about if she'd been to the Ministry lately. It went rather smoothly, until Dumbledore came to his final question.

"It has come to my attention that you are spending… extra time at Hogwarts."

Gwen was suddenly at a loss for words. Did Dumbledore know? Had Severus told him? Maybe Dumbledore just knew. He had to know who was in his school, after all. But why was he asking? She wasn't doing anything bad… not really. Maybe morally, if Dumbledore had opinions on premarital sex or something. The silence was getting awkward. "Yeah." _Dammit…_

"Do you believe it is hindering your job or work for the Order in any way?"

That was it. Dumbledore definitely knew. Or maybe he was trying to get her to admit to it. That was a very reporter-like thing to do.

"Absolutely not," she declared. "Severus has been giving me Defense lessons. That's how I've gotten so much better." She was sure Severus would not mind her telling Dumbledore that.

 _"Severus_ is an excellent teacher," Dumbledore said nonchalantly. Gwen inwardly groaned at her slip up.

"Yeah, he is," she replied.

"Well, Gwendolyn, I'm very glad to see that you are doing well," he said kindly. "I hope you have an excellent week and I will see you at the next Order meeting."

She smiled, thanked him, and left. The halls of Hogwarts were still dark and empty and she considered going down to the dungeons, to where she found solace. But she needed to be alone. 


	17. Ain't We Got Fun

Mrs. Weasley had invited her over for tea one Thursday in late November, when Gwen decided to take a personal day off from work. The house was absolutely empty, which was unusual for Gwen, but normal for Mrs. Weasley.

"It's one of the reasons I miss Sirius and Remus dearly," she admitted as she sipped her tea. "While everyone is working, they would keep me company, despite them being rather irritating at times."

"You know I would spend all day every day with you if I could, Mrs. Weasley," Gwen said with a smile. She looked out the window at the icy winter world, wondering where her werewolf friend was. "When will we see Remus again, do you think?"

"Very soon, actually," Mrs. Weasley said cheerfully. "He sent word to Dumbledore that he'll be here for Christmas!"

"That's wonderful! I've been missing Remus as of late. I hope he's alright."

"He ought to be. Perhaps a bit underfed, but we can fix that in no time." Gwen grinned. Mrs. Weasley was everyone's mother.

"I don't know how Tonks will take to seeing Remus again," Gwen worried aloud.

"Have you spoken to her recently?"

"A bit, but not as much as I'd like to," Gwen admitted. "She makes me feel rather down as of late. She's been in counseling, though."

"She has to face him again, dear."

"I know." The women sighed.

"At least everyone will be home for Christmas," Mrs. Weasley whispered, putting their empty cups in the sink. Gwen heard her voice crack and she knew that Percy was on her mind.

"Maybe he'll come say hi," Gwen said sadly, knowing he wouldn't.

"I dream of him often," Mrs. Weasley whispered. She looked at Gwen. "It's very sad when your own child doesn't want anything to do with you."

Gwen felt awkward all of a sudden and muttered a "yeah". She felt an urge to leave and bid Mrs. Weasley goodbye. The older witch told her to make sure to leave Christmas and New Year's free to spend with the Weasleys and Gwen told her she would never spend her holidays with anybody else.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sometimes Gwen believed Snape only continued to teach her because they were having sex. She wasn't a horrible student- she had mastered speed and subtly rather quickly. But expecting spells had become extremely difficult and they had spent hours upon hours on the topic. She was quite sure that she could expect spells from any other witch or wizard on earth- except Severus Snape. But that was what made him the best, she assumed.

She entered the man's chambers to find him in the bedroom at the desk he kept in there, behind a pile of papers.

"I cannot teach you tonight, Gwendolyn," he said before she even announced her presence.

"You have to grade all of those?" she asked, rather surprised at the height of the pile.

"Obviously."

She went over to him and took half the pile and sat on the floor.

"What are you doing?" he demanded. She pulled out her quill.

"Didn't you say I ought to consider being a teacher? What does it look like I'm doing? I'm helping." She grabbed the page on the top of her pile.

"I don't need your help!" He nearly yelled.

She looked at him, annoyed. "Can't you ever accept assistance, Severus?" She asked sadly. "It's merely grading papers."

They locked eyes until Severus looked away. He said nothing more but went back to grading. Pleased, she did the same.

Two hours passed before they were completely finished. They brought the papers to his classroom and began to organize them by year and house.

"Was I this dimwitted when I was a first year?" she asked, holding up a very poorly written essay. Snape smirked.

"Now you understand the torture I go through daily," he muttered. "I don't particularly remember you as a first year, if I am completely honest."

She shrugged as she sorted the last few papers, then smiled, satisfied. "Well that was fun."

"You have a very warped definition of fun," he said. They walked back to his rooms in silence. Gwendolyn was getting tired and she wondered if she should just go home instead of staying the night.

They reached his chambers and Gwen could see the snow falling down from Snape's only window. It was rather long and tall and if one looked up and out of it, there was a beautiful view of the sky. But the snow made Gwen sad and she wasn't sure why. She turned and saw Snape looking at her, obviously expectant. But she suddenly felt the need to be alone. She had a faint memory of when she had dated the reporter Andy Smudgley a while back. She was to stay the night, but she had suddenly felt this same feeling and decided to go home. He had thrown a fit, saying it was rude to change her mind so suddenly. It was one of the reasons why she had broken up with him.

"I think… I just… I don't…"

"Please finish your thought," Snape said, sounding bored and annoyed, like usual.

"I don't really want to be together tonight," she blurted. "I just… I need to be alone."

She was expecting him to get upset or irritated, or maybe even make a face. But he didn't.

"Fine," he said simply. "Though it would be impractical to leave at this hour in this weather."

"Oh," she said softly, looking at the clock. It was indeed nearly one in the morning.

"Do you mind staying? You can have the room to yourself, if you need it." She blinked, rather shocked at how nice he was being out of nowhere. It was extremely out of character.

"I don't mind staying," she said slowly. "You don't have to leave the room if you don't want to, that's unnecessary."

"If you need your space, then you ought to be alone," he said simply.

"Why are you being so kind?"

"Why must you ask such questions?" he snapped. "Don't expect me to act like this often- or ever again."

She grinned. "Now why on earth would anyone expect Severus Snape to be kind?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was December and Christmas was fast approaching, which meant good feelings and lots of peppermint sweets. Betty had teased Gwen for buying so many from Honeydukes during their lunch.

"You're a child, Gwen. Who wastes so much money on sweets?"

"They only come once a year! They're my absolute favorite!"

With a stash of peppermint sweets in her purse and a desire for a wonderful holiday, Gwen was doing her best to feel cheerful. But there were nights when the snow was falling against the icy black night and she felt sadness chill her heart. It was uncontrollable and unexplainable and she wanted the sadness to go far away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Gwendolyn!" she heard Mr. Cuffe's voice call her from her cubicle. She still wished she had an office, so people could knock on the door when they needed her instead of shouting for her. There had been plans to get her one, but when the London workers moved here, there was no room anymore.

She got up and walked over to where her superior was standing. Beside him was a jolly looking man wearing gray robes and many trinkets. "Yes, Mr. Cuffe?" she said sweetly.

"Gwen, this is Professor Horace Slughorn," he said, gesturing towards the man. "He's the Potions Master at Hogwarts School. Professor, this is Gwendolyn O'Shea, my top writer." Mr. Cuffe winked teasingly and Gwen smiled, shaking the professor's hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Professor."

"Oh, but the pleasure is all mine, my dear!" Slughorn exclaimed. "I am an avid reader of the _Daily Prophet_ and Barnibus here was a student of mine, but I cannot remember having you, my dear! You write quite brilliantly and I have been yearning to meet you since your columns and articles have gained so much popularity and success."

"Thank you so much, Professor Slughorn, that's very kind of-"

"Tell me, my dear when did you start at Hogwarts."

"1981," she said, realizing how long ago that was. _Fifteen years ago._

"Ah, but that was my first year in retirement," he said, sounding disappointed. "Then you had Severus Snape, did you not?"

"Yes, I did."

"Severus was always brilliant, definitely one of my best. My best student, Harry Potter- I am sure you have heard of him- was taught by Severus for five years."

Gwen was rather surprised to hear that Harry was Slughorn's _best_ student, since Harry had never been exceptionally wonderful at Potions. She would have expected Hermione Granger to be Slughorn's best. She also wondered how Severus would react if he knew Horace Slughorn was basing Severus's brilliance on the skills of Harry Potter. She smirked inwardly. "Well, that's wonderful to hear, Professor." She smiled.

"My dear, I was wondering- the day before the students return home for Christmas holidays I will be holding a party of sorts, at the castle. I only invite my prized students and some ladies and gentlemen who I believe do notable things for society. I would be so honored if you could attend!" He looked at her expectantly and Gwen was about to decline, when she noticed Mr. Cuffe mouthing "Say yes!" behind Slughorn.

"I would… be delighted!" she said cheerfully.

"Oh, excellent, excellent, how wonderful! I'll expect you there as well, Barnibus."

"I wouldn't miss it," Mr. Cuffe said.

"Wonderful, splendid!" Slughorn exclaimed. "Well, I must be off then, Barnibus! I hear a glass of firewhiskey calling my name. It was lovely to meet you, Miss O'Shea."

"And you, Professor."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen, Hestia, and Kingsley were on Hogwarts duty that night, since Dumbledore was absent from the school. She had been patrolling since she got off work and it was nearly midnight. Tonks, Arthur, and Moody would be coming to relieve them when the clock struck.

Since she figured no Death Eaters would be attacking the school in the next ten minutes, Gwen decided to go up to the Astronomy Tower. For a reason unbeknownst to her, looking at the stars made her feel less lonely and more united with the universe. It was silly and she knew it, but it made her feel better.

She opened the heavy door at the bottom of the tower and slipped in. Silently, she walked up the stone stairs, feeling the cold night air hitting her more strongly as she ascended. She reached the top and was very surprised to see she was not alone.

"Severus?" He turned around. "I didn't mean to bother you. I didn't know you were up here."

"It's fine," he said without explanation. She joined him by the railing and looked up at the sky in all its brilliance.

"I've always loved the stars," she breathed. "If I hadn't been so focused on being a reporter, I would've taken Astronomy all seven years."

"I was never fond of the particulars," he said softly. "Someone I once knew said stars are made of the purest of magic."

"That's rather profound," she said, smiling at the diamonds in the clear night. "But maybe they were right."

"Perhaps." He seemed to be deep in thought. Maybe he was thinking of the stars and their magic. Maybe he was thinking of this person who said profound things. Or maybe it was something else. The mind of Severus Snape was perhaps even more confusing and mysterious than the stars above them. Finally he returned to reality. "What are you doing here?"

"I was on duty since seven," she explained. "I just got off and I wanted to see the stars."

"And did you find what you were looking for?"

Gwen was surprised at Severus's words. It was as though he was reading her heart.

"Not really," she said softly, looking back at the stars. There was a streak of light across the sky. "Make a wish."

"Wishes are futile, Gwendolyn."

"Make one anyway."

They stood in the comfortable silence for a while. 

XXXXXXX

A few weeks later, Gwen Apparated in front of the Burrow. There was music and warmth coming from inside, so she hurried in from the cold December air. To her amazement, there was Remus Lupin, putting on a jazz record. She started to laugh. "Remus!" She exclaimed, hanging up her cloak. He was dancing with himself in the middle of the sitting room. "You're back!"

He hurried over to her and grabbed her hand and twirled her around. "Hello, Gwendolyn!" He said cheerfully. "May I have this dance?" He bowed overdramatically.

"Of course you may!" She replied. They laughed and began to dance together.

 _Every mornin', every evenin', ain't we got fun  
Not much money, oh, but honey, ain't we got fun  
The rent's unpaid, dear, and we haven't a bus  
But smiles were made, dear, for people like us_

"They said you weren't returning till Christmas!" she said breathing heavily as he dipped her.

"I'm only a week early!" They continued to dance and the people who were in the sitting room and kitchen watched eagerly, laughing and smiling.

 _In the winter, in the summer, don't we have fun  
Times are bum and gettin' bummer, still we have fun  
There's nothing surer, the rich get rich and the poor get poor  
In the meantime, in between time, ain't we got fun  
_  
"Remember we used to play jazz all the time at Grimmauld Place?" Gwen said, grinning as Mr. and Mrs. Weasley joined in.

"How could I ever forget?" He twirled her around and her polka dot dress danced her around her beautifully. "They have some wonderful jazz clubs in London, you know?"

"I've been aching to go!" He suddenly let go of her and went to steal Mrs. Weasley away from her husband. Other people had joined in on their spontaneous little dance party and Gwen looked around for a new partner when she saw Tonks watching in the doorway. She hurried over to her friend and held out her hands. "Dance with me, Tonks!"

"No… I'd rather not," Tonks said sounding miserable and Gwen's face fell.

"Tonks, your counselor told you to go outside your comfort zone," Gwen reminded her and Tonks glared at Gwen angrily.

"I don't want to dance, Gwendolyn." Tonks barked and Gwen was taken aback by her friend's tone.

"But-"

"Just go!" Tonks snapped and Gwen sighed sadly.

"Alright. Let me know if you change your mind." Gwen returned to the sitting room, her mood slightly less happy. Remus grabbed her hand as the song was just about to finish. He spun her around dramatically and dipped her at the song's close, leaving her out of breath and laughing.

Everyone was clapping at the song's end and she heard Dumbledore complimenting everyone on their dancing skills, saying they ought to have a real party soon. She silently agreed, though she wondered how it would be without a drunken Sirius. She noticed Snape leaning against the wall and gave him a small smile, which he unsurprisingly did not return. Everyone was settling down and taking their seats and Gwen started fanning herself with a piece of spare parchment on the couch.

"Good evening, everyone," Dumbledore greeted. "I'm very pleased to see that amidst such great darkness, we still manage to see the light." He smiled at Remus. "I'm also proud to welcome our good friend Remus Lupin home from his journey's with Greyback's pack." Everyone clapped for Lupin, except of course Tonks.

"Our first topic of discussion tonight will be-" Tonks abruptly stood up and stormed outside, slamming the door home behind her. Gwen couldn't take her eyes off the door and a few people were whispering.

"Gwendolyn?" She looked at Dumbledore and understood what he wanted her to do. She nodded and silently stood and went outside.

"Tonks?" she called. The wind answered her and she sighed, walking around the house. Perhaps Tonks had Apparated away. She hurried around to the backyard, shivering. She had not thought to grab her cloak. She smelled cigarette smoke and low and behold, there was Tonks, smoking her fag. "Tonks! What are you doing?"

"Smoking a fag," the girl replied, her voice colder than the air. "Care for one?"

Gwen blinked at her. She could not believe this girl was the Tonks she had become best friends with a year ago. The Tonks who was always so excited and sweet and happy. The Tonks with colorful hair and a vibrant laugh. Had Remus Lupin truly destroyed her?

"No thanks," Gwen said simply. "Why did you leave the meeting?"

Tonks puffed out some smoke. "Why do you think, Gwen? You were never dumb."

"Because of Remus? Tonks, you'll have to face him sometime!" Gwen knew she wasn't being very compassionate, but she didn't care. She wanted her friend back!

"You're one to talk!" Tonks spat. "You can barely talk to Bill Weasley even though he dumped you a year ago! And when you do speak to him, you go home and cry and go shag Snape so you can feel better about yourself!"

"What are you saying?" Gwen whispered, her heart sinking.

"Oh please, I know you're with Snape again! Of course you don't tell me! But you don't care for Snape!" She threw the cigarette to the grown and it extinguished in the snow. "Perhaps not even for Bill. Maybe you fancy Remus!"

"Tonks!" Gwen cried, wounded by her friend. "You're saying such untrue things! Why would I fancy Remus?"

"I saw you dancing!" Tonks screamed furiously.

"So what?" Gwen shouted back, knowing she shouldn't act this way, knowing she should stay calm for her friend. "We all used to dance together at Grimmauld Place! We were friends!"

"IT ISN'T HOW IT USED TO BE!" Tonks screamed, her voice echoing into the cold winter air. Gwen suddenly felt the reality hit her. Tonks was right. Nothing was how it had been last year. Sirius was dead. Bill was engaged. Their group of friends had been torn apart ruthlessly by circumstance and war. Gwen exhaled, watching the little puff of air leave her lips.

"You… you're right, Tonks," Gwen said softly. "I keep trying to believe it's still the same. But I don't fancy Remus. I'm not shagging Snape. I don't cry over Bill anymore." Well… at least only one thing was a lie. "Please Tonks. I need a friend and you do too. We have to fix this!" She was begging and Tonks's eyes softened.

"I… I know. I'm sorry… I have to… go." She turned on her heel and vanished into the icy air, leaving Gwendolyn alone. She wrapped her arms around herself as she stared at the spot where Tonks had stood. After a few minutes, she slowly walked back inside.

She slipped inside and the group looked at her as she entered. Gwen said nothing but took her spot back on the couch, her mind not in the Burrow, but far away, in the Grimmauld Place of 1996.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm not very surprised that she grew angry with you," Snape said after they had been together that night. Gwen's fight with Tonks was still bothering her to no end. "After all, you did show some very public displays of affection towards her werewolf."

"Dancing is displaying affection now?" she demanded. She sighed and adjusted her pillow. "Do you ever dwell on the past?"

He was silent for a moment and she turned to look at him. He was looking at the ceiling, obviously thinking. Finally, he spoke.

"I used to, when I was younger. I had not yet gained full control of my mind. Dwelling on the past obsessively causes weakness and weakness is what kills people in wars."

"Everything I ask you leads back to war," she said with a sigh. "Your life is this war, Severus!"

"Precisely," he said bitterly. "Hence why I very much appreciate you being willing to let me shag you once a week."

"How do you control your mind?" she asked, wondering if it helped much.

"Occlumency, of course. It is essential for my role in the Order."

"And does it really help you not think about the past?" She asked eagerly.

"Gwendolyn, you cannot forget the past no matter what you do," He said softly, looking over at her. "Occlumency helps you control your mind, but the past is still there."

"Can you teach me?"

"You still have not perfected delivering unexpected spells." He smirked. "If you _ever_ manage to do so-"

"You know I will, don't be rude."

"-then yes, I can try to teach you Occlumency. It is a very different branch of magic that few know and few can master."

"Well then how remarkable you are, being able to do such a thing," she said sarcastically.

"You're rather annoying this evening," he stated bluntly. "Either let me shag you again or go to sleep."

She smirked at his rudeness, then flopped over on her side. "Good night, Severus."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

AN: _Whenever I read a novel/fanfiction and the characters sing or dance to a song, I like to listen to it while I read. If you're interested to do the same, the song that Remus and Gwen dance to is Ain't We Got Fun sung by Renee Olstead. Peggy Lee does a great job too but her rendition is muuuuch slower._


	18. The Slug Club Christmas Party

"Why must you always wear glasses?" Cuffe asked Gwendolyn as they walked to Slughorn's office for the Christmas party.

"Because I can't see, obviously. And I thought you were bright." She muttered, still slightly annoyed that she was being forced to attend the party.

"There's magic to fix that!"

"You don't like my glasses, Barnabus? I can call you Barnabus, right? Since you're my date tonight, we ought to be on a first name basis."

"Sweet Merlin, Gwendolyn, you know how to make a man pull all his hair out!" She grinned in satisfaction.

"So I've been told. I choose to believe it's one of my better qualities."

"You aren't my date," he said blatantly, but Gwendolyn wasn't finished making him miserable. Cuffe had many buttons and Gwen enjoyed pushing them all.

"I'm quite sure I am your date," she said sweetly. "We're dressed rather nicely in dress robes that complement each other quite well. We're attending together. You asked- well, more like forced- me to come."

"Rita Skeeter never gave me this many problems," he muttered and she laughed.

"Why are we going to this anyway?"

"Sluggie was always good to me in school," Cuffe said with a slight shrug. "He's a bit of a nag, but he has good intentions and lots of connections."

"Then why did I have to come?"

"Why do you ask so many questions, sweet Merlin!" Cuffe exclaimed, sounding absolutely exasperated.

"Oh, forget it!" she muttered. She heard the sound of laughter and music growing louder as they approached the office. The smell of food made her stomach growl and she was ready to eat something.

"Remember to be nice to everyone," he said as they approached the door, sounding very much like a parent.

"When have I ever disappointed you?" she said with a sticky false sweetness.

"Plenty of times."

"Well!" she huffed, making a very offended face at him.

He rolled his eyes, looking irritated. He sighed and went to open the door for her. "After you."

The room was rather large for an office and Gwen didn't see a bookshelf or desk anywhere. It was decorated in green and gold and the red lights left their tint on the room. It was absolutely packed with people and Gwen quickly eyed the food table. A young boy approached her with a tray, atop of which were tiny glasses with sparkling red liquid. She and Cuffe each took one and Gwen downed it rather quickly. "Cherries and adolescence," she mused aloud and Mr. Cuffe grinned.

"Barnabus! Miss O'Shea!" she heard the booming voice call. "I'm delighted to see you here!" In his hand was a glass of mead and Gwen wondered if he was a little drunk. She shook his hand amiably while Cuffe spoke with him. Her mind was on the table covered in food and treats only a few feet away from her…

Finally, Slughorn sauntered off after telling them to enjoy themselves. Gwen was about to grab her dinner when she noticed Harry standing with a blonde haired girl not too far away. "Do you know anyone here?" she asked Cuffe casually.

"A few people."

"You wouldn't mind if we parted ways, would you?" she said, trying to sound sad. He rolled his eyes.

"Get out of my face." Not hesitating a moment longer, she hurried over to Harry.

"Gwen!" he exclaimed when he saw her, beaming. She immediately recognized the girl next to him as Luna Lovegood, one of the girls who had been at the Department of Mysteries.

"It's lovely to see you, Harry," Gwen said smiling. "Hello, Luna."

"Hello," she said wistfully, smiling as though she was worlds away.

"How are you? Why are you here?" Harry asked, still grinning.

"Professor Slughorn invited me and Mr. Cuffe," she explained. "It's a lovely party. Where's Ron and Hermione?"

"Ron's not here… he wasn't invited. Hermione's somewhere hiding from her date." Gwen was about to ask, but Harry shrugged and they sighed in unison.

"Well, I'll leave you to have fun now," she said. "You wouldn't want an old hag like me hanging round with you at a party."

"You'll be at the Burrow for Christmas, won't you?" She nodded with a smile and walked away. Sometimes, she worried about Harry discovering that Dumbledore had ordered her to be close with him. He would believe their relationship was fake. But it wasn't. She cared for Harry genuinely and would treat him how she did now even if Dumbledore hadn't said anything.

She started eating something from the table, when Professor Slughorn grabbed her and told her they were going to go meet Harry Potter. Startled by his drunkenness, she didn't even bother to say that she already knew Harry Potter and had just seen him. They found Harry speaking with Professor Trelawney and Slughorn interrupted their conversation.

"Ah, Sybill, we all think our subject's most important!" he said, nearly shouting. "But I don't think I've ever known such a natural at Potions! Instinctive, you know — like his mother! I've only ever taught a few with this kind of ability, I can tell you that, Sybill — why even Severus —" Suddenly, he released Gwendolyn from his arm and grabbed a very annoyed Severus Snape, seemingly out of thin air. Gwen had to bite her lip to stop herself from bursting into laughter. "Stop skulking and come and join us, Severus!" hiccupped Slughorn happily. "I was just talking about Harry's exceptional potion-making! Some credit must go to you, of course, you taught him for five years!"

"Funny, I never had the impression that I managed to teach Potter anything at all." He said, looking at Harry, who seemed rather uncomfortable.

"Well, then, it's natural ability!" shouted Slughorn. "You should have seen what he gave me, first lesson, Draught of Living Death — never had a student produce finer on a first attempt, I don't think even you, Severus —"

"Really?" Severus barely spoke above a whisper now, staring directly at Harry. Gwen was quite sure Severus did not appreciate his skills being undermined.

"Remind me what other subjects you're taking, Harry?" Gwen said suddenly, trying to ease the tension.

"Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Transfiguration, Herbology..."

"All the subjects required, in short, for an Auror," said Snape.

"Yeah, well, that's what I'd like to do," said Harry defiantly. Gwen sighed at how the two of them could not seem to stop fighting."

"And a great one you'll make too!" boomed Slughorn, who was too drunk to notice.

"I don't think you should be an Auror, Harry," said Luna and everybody looked at her. "The Aurors are part of the Rotfang Conspiracy, I thought everyone knew that. They're planning to bring down the Ministry of Magic from within using a combination of Dark Magic and gum disease."

Harry began to laugh uncontrollably, when Slughorn turned back to Gwendolyn. "Oh, forgive me, Miss O'Shea, for being so rude!" Slughorn said, taking another gulp of his mead. "This is Professor Severus Snape." She and Snape both looked at each other, then back at Slughorn, rather confused.

"I, er, already know him, Professor Slughorn, remember? He was my teacher."

"It's useless," Snape muttered and Slughorn had already waltzed away to some other people. He gestured for them to walk to the other side of the room. "You look like a Slytherin." She looked down at her green dress and back at him.

"I was trying to look like Christmas, but I'll take any compliments I can from you," she teased.

"I never said it was a compliment," he said coolly. She grabbed a peppermint candy from a nearby table and he raised an eyebrow.

"They're my favorite," she said with a shrug. He didn't seem to care.

"Why are you here?"

"Mr. Cuffe," she said. "Why are you here?"

"Dumbledore," he muttered and she laughed.

"Well, neither of us are where we'd like to be," she said with a sigh. "Slughorn's rather fond of skilled people, isn't he?"

"That's only because he hasn't a skill himself." She smiled and looked around the room at the Hogwarts students talking and laughing and eating. "Since neither of us are where we'd like to be," he said slowly and softly, in her ear.

"Why don't we go somewhere we'd rather be?" she finished smoothly, desire in her eyes. He smirked.

"Precisely." She smiled slyly at him.

"I'm ready when you are, Professor," she said softly and he was about to reply, when the office door slammed and in came Argus Filch, pulling a blonde haired boy into the office by his ear.

"Professor Slughorn," wheezed Filch and Gwen wrinkled her nose at the sight of him. "I discovered this boy lurking in an upstairs corridor. He claims to have been invited to your party and to have been delayed in setting out. Did you issue him with an invitation?"

The boy pulled himself of the grasp. "All right, I wasn't invited!" he shouted. "I was trying to gate crash, happy?"

"No, I'm not!" said Filch, looking rather cheerful. "You're in trouble, you are! Didn't the headmaster say that nighttime prowling's out, unless you've got permission, didn't he, eh?"

"That's all right, Argus, that's all right," said Slughorn, seeming a bit sobered by the event. "It's Christmas, and it's not a crime to want to come to a party. Just this once, we'll forget any punishment; you may stay, Draco." Draco. The name seemed familiar. She glanced at Severus who was staring at Draco with anger and something else Gwen could not place. The boy started thanking Slughorn and Slughorn was waving it off. The boy reminded Gwen of someone she had once met. The light hair and eyes and a very persuasive manner of speaking. Lucius Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. Lucius's son. She faintly remembered Harry speaking ill of him.

Suddenly, Severus left her side and approached the boy. "I'd like a word with you, Draco," he said.

"Now, Severus, it's Christmas, don't be too hard —"

"I am his Head of House, and I shall decide how hard, or otherwise, to be," said Snape curtly. "Follow me, Draco." And the two left the office.

Since her plans to ditch the party and have a good shag had been delayed or perhaps cancelled, Gwen ate a little more and stood around. Slughorn made her pose for pictures with him, to her chagrin. She didn't know any of these people. Of course she wasn't going to speak with the students and the other adults didn't seem very interested in her.

Harry approached her later, after disappearing for a while.

"Why were you talking to Snape?" he asked abruptly. She was rather taken aback.

"Am I not allowed to?" she asked.

"I don't trust him," Harry said, looking around.

"Harry, Dumbledore-"

"I know, I know, but I don't. I think he's planning something with Malfoy." His voice was hushed and his eyes were wide.

"Harry, stop it!"

"I heard them! He has to be on their side, Gwen, I just know it!" He was starting to get rather loud and Gwen shushed him suddenly.

"This isn't the time or the place," she whispered solemnly. "We can talk about this over the holidays. Not now. But don't worry about Snape, Harry. You have to trust Dumbledore's judgement."

"I still don't know why you were talking to him," Harry muttered.

"It was nothing, dear," she assured him. He seemed unsatisfied with her answer, but relented and rejoined Luna.

Gwen became rather bored. She wasn't in the mood to eat anymore or get drunk. Cuffe was nowhere to be found, and Slughorn was too drunk to function, so Gwen left the party without saying anything to anyone. On her way out, she bumped into Severus, who had been on his way back to fetch her. Happy to finally get her distraction, Gwen followed him down to his room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Four days later, on Christmas Eve, Gwen visited her father, as per yearly routine. At the end of the dull and rather mundane visit, while she was putting on her cloak, he said, "I'm moving to Australia."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"War's getting too rough up here," he said simply, his Irish lilt painting every word.

"I see." She played with the ring on her finger. "You'll send me your address?"

"S'pose so."

She nodded and muttered a very lackluster Happy Christmas, then hurried on home.


	19. Four Blue Eyes

_Tonks,_

 _Happy Christmas! I know we haven't spoken since our dispute outside the Burrow a week ago, but that needs to change. Since a few gentlemen we'd rather not see will be attending the Weasley Christmas party, I thought we could have our own._

 _All my love,_

 _G.O._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was indeed a very lovely Christmas. The two girls decorated the tree in Gwendolyn's living room together and made Christmas dinner. Neither of them knew how to cook very well, but it didn't matter anymore. They were friends again and everything was well.

Around eleven, they went to Tonks's house to watch movies on the telly. Near midnight, a little owl appeared at the window carrying a note:

 _Gwendolyn,_

 _Happy Christmas_

 _S.S._

She smiled and scribbled a reply

XXXXXXXXXXXX

A week after Christmas, Mrs. Weasley owled Gwendolyn informing her that if she did not attend the New Year's Eve party, she would have her head. Tonks had come over that morning for breakfast and informed her that she too had received the same owl.

"Should we go?" Tonks asked, playing with the rather dry eggs Gwen had attempted to make.

Gwen took a sip of her tea. "I don't suppose we have much of a choice," Gwen said grimly.

"I can't face him again," her friend whispered, dropping her fork and staring at the mess of a breakfast. Gwen didn't say anything. It was a year ago on New Year's that Bill had broken up with her for Fleur Delacour. "Maybe we can fake sickness." Tonks suggested.

Gwen shook her head. "She won't buy it. Not after we missed Christmas." Tonks sighed and attempted to eat the food. "Maybe we should go and just stick together. It'll be fine. I'm sure Bill and Remus will avoid us like the plague."

"If we get wretchedly drunk, perhaps we won't remember seeing them!" Tonks suggested with an air of false cheer. Her hair was brown today, hanging limply around her face. If Tonks was less sad, she could manage to morph. Today was not yet a day for morphing, but perhaps it could become such.

"You ought to try morphing today," Gwen suggested, taking their plates and tossing out the food. "It would look extremely festive and it would show Remus you can live without him."

Tonks looked rather miserable and shrugged at the notion. They sat at the kitchen table, silently sipping their tea.

They spent the day inside. They did some paperwork for their jobs and occasionally continued to debate whether or not they should attend the party.

Gwen wasn't sure how she felt about Bill anymore. She knew there were still feelings lingering in the corners of her mind. She was so distracted lately that if she thought of him it was only at night, when she was alone. She felt rather hollow without him, sometimes.

Before they knew it, they had run out of time to decide.

"I think," Tonks said softly. "We ought to go for Molly."

"Yes!" Gwen agreed. "We shan't even acknowledge the others' existences!" The girls smiled smugly at each other and Tonks announced that she was going home to get dressed.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Gwen! I'm so glad you could come! Hurry now, inside!" Mrs. Weasley rushed her in and Gwen handed her the bottle of firewhiskey she had brought. "Everybody, Gwen's here!" she shouted into the living room. Gwen smiled and went to greet everyone. Kingsley, Mad-Eye, Remus, Bill, Arthur, and the kids. "Is Tonks coming, dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"Yes," Gwen said happily.

"Wonderful!" Mr. Weasley cheered.

"It'll be good to see Tonks out of the office," Kingsley said, his deep voice echoing throughout the room. He gestured for Gwen to sit with him, Remus, Arthur, and Harry who were talking. Harry hadn't noticed Gwen as he was engrossed in his conversation with Remus.

"…got you fired, so I don't see why you're defending him!"

"Harry, it would have gotten out some other way, you know that," Remus said calmly. Gwen glanced over at Kingsley with a raised eyebrow.

"They've been talking about Snape for about half an hour," Kingsley said quietly.

"Harry is very convinced Snape and Draco Malfoy are up to something," Remus explained.

"So I've heard," Gwen said.

"What's your opinion, Gwen?" Arthur asked. "Harry usually agrees with you."

She looked over at the pair of green eyes that were on her. It was very odd, being a type of role model to someone, especially when she still felt that she needed a role model. She cleared her throat.

"I don't think Snape is a particularly nice person," she started, trying to sympathize with Harry. "But I don't think he's evil. And I certainly don't think Dumbledore is wrong in trusting him."

"Do you trust him?" Harry asked.

"Of course I do. We're fellow Order members. We need to trust each other." She looked at the others for affirmation and they nodded.

"We can't win a war turned against one another," Kingsley agreed.

The front door open and in came Nymphadora Tonks, tripping over thin air. Instinctively it seemed, Remus Lupin stood up to go help her up. Gwen heard her mutter an "I'm fine". She tried to not watch them and started to make small talk with Kingsley, but she couldn't help but notice that the two started talking. He helped her take off her cloak and hung it for her, then the two disappeared into a side room. So much for sticking together, she mused.

The slowly passed by and she found herself downing one too many drinks to distract herself. She had no clue as to when Tonks would come back. It was nearing midnight when Gwen stumbled into the kitchen to find some water, when she felt and saw a shadow fall over her. She turned around and there he was. Bill Weasley, smiling in all his glory, waiting for her. "Hello, Gwen."

"Hi," she said, trying to sound casual. She went back to pouring herself a glass of water.

"How are you?" he asked, leaning against the counter, looking at her.

"I'm alright," she said, smiling at him. Dear Merlin, these feelings had not evaporated, that much was for sure. It took just standing beside him for a few moments to feel it. "And you?"

"Pretty good," he said with a shrug. Gwen realized that she hadn't seen Fleur this evening.

"Where's Fleur?"

"In France, with her family. She stayed here for Christmas and got a little homesick, so she went to visit them." He was rather close to her and she stumbled back slightly, water in hand. She could smell the liquor on him as well.

"That's nice," she said quietly.

"It's rather stuffy in here," he commented. "Care to step outside?"

Her heart was beating rapidly. She nodded silently and they slipped out the kitchen door.

The stars were twinkling brightly and the air was cold and clear. She shivered slightly and he took off his sweater and wrapped it around him. She looked at him curiously, not understanding why he was being this way. "How are you, Gwennie?" He asked as they leaned against the house and looking up at the sky.

 _Gwennie._ "You already asked that," she said with a smile. He laughed.

"Perceptive as always." She chuckled and they fell into another silent. "Why didn't you come to Christmas?"

"Me and Tonks weren't up to it," she admitted, not wanting to go into detail.

"It was because of me and Fleur, wasn't it?" He asked. She looked over at him and in his eyes she saw the teenage boy she had fallen in love with. She brushed the long red hair out of his face and behind his ears.

"It doesn't matter," she whispered softly. He drew closer to her. Merlin, the stench of the liquor was strong, but she was caring less and less. She raised an eyebrow at his closeness.

"It's rather cold," he explained with a grin and she shuddered and smiled. "Gwen, it's been a year."

She stared at him, surprised that he had just come out and said it so blatantly. "Please, Bill."

"EVERYBODY! IT'S NEARLY MIDNIGHT!" They heard Mrs. Weasley shout from inside the house, but neither of them paid mind to it.

"You know I regret it," he said softly, playing with her tiny brown curls. "I like your hair short, Gwennie."

"I thought you liked long hair."

"I've never seen short hair so nice." He continued to stroke her hair. "Never seen a girl so nice."

She pulled away suddenly, her drunken mind confused. "Stop. You're engaged!"

"She's not here."

"That shouldn't matter, Bill." She said firmly. He leaned in closer again.

"Don't tell me you don't love me anymore, Gwennie," he said, his words sounding sad. Her eyes widened.

"Why should you care?" she spat, cold and bitter.

"You know why I care," he whispered and she felt her heart soar as he stroked her face. She was melting in his hands.

"5!"

He put his hands on her face and bore his blue eyes into hers.

"4!"

"We shouldn't," she tried.

"3!"

"Hush," he whispered.

"2!"

He leaned in.

"1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Their lips met, exactly a year since they had last touched. He grabbed her waist and pulled her in as the cheers and drunken singing could be heard from the living room. "Will you stay with me tonight?" he asked quietly.

"Yes," she said, without hesitation. He grabbed her hand and they snuck into the house as everyone cheered, not noticing them hurrying up the stairs.

XXXXXXXXX

She woke up in the middle of the night, her eyes still closed. She felt Snape's arm around her waist, which was odd. She and Snape never "cuddled" or touched after sex. She had her side of the bed and he had his. He would never ever do something like that.

Then the flood of memories came back to her and her eyes flew open and there was Bill, sleeping beside her, not Snape. She smiled at his sleeping face. It was a lovely sight that she hadn't seen in so long. She stroked the lovely red hair softly and a sigh escaped her lips. This was lovely.

She dozed off again only to be shaken awake. Her eyes flew open and there was Bill, awake this time, a piece of parchment in his hand. "You've got to go!" he whispered hurriedly, sounding afraid.

"W-wha? Wha's happenin'?" she said groggily, shakily sitting up. She grabbed her glasses and glanced at the clock. "It's 3 am!"

"You need to get out of here. Fleur's Apparating here in half an hour! You need to leave!"

Her heart had been soaring in the clouds, above the mountains, into the heavens. But Bill had shot it out of the sky, yet again, and it fell and fell and fell until it hit the pavement and shattered into a million pieces.

Not saying anything, she dressed and wordlessly left the room. She assumed everyone was asleep or home, but when she reached the living room, Remus and Kingsley were still sitting on the couch. They looked at her and she knew that they knew how stupid she was. Kingsley said something to her, but she didn't hear him. She grabbed her cloak and Apparated away.

XXXXXXXX

She stood atop the Astronomy Tower the next night, after her shift patrolling the school. She knew he was coming before she heard his voice. She heard his shoes against the stone floor and smelled his scent, but she kept her mouth closed and her eyes on the cloudy sky, for she could not bear to see him. Not after she had been so stupid. She scanned the sky, trying to distract herself. Not a star was visible this night.

"I knew you would be here," Severus said, sounding unemotional, as usual. A sense of unwarranted guilt flooded over her. She wasn't dating Snape. There had never been any talk of them being monogamous. But why did sleeping with Bill make her feel horrible? She felt as though she had betrayed Severus. "Let's see how well I know you, Gwendolyn."

She said nothing. Her eyes stayed on the clouds, desperate to see a star. None appeared.

"I'm quite positive you attended the New Year's Eve gathering at the Burrow," he continued. "You couldn't miss it, especially after you missed Christmas." She didn't ask how he knew. He always knew everyone's business in the Order. That's what spies were meant to do.

She expected him to play his mind games with her. But he didn't.

"Did you sleep with Bill Weasley?"

She turned to look at him for the first time and stared into his black eyes.

He didn't even need to use Legilimency on her; her silence was enough. "I suppose I know you quite well, then," he said. He seemed emotionless as he left the Astronomy Tower. She heard the door slam furiously. She turned back to the sky, still searching for a star to comfort her.

But there were none.


	20. The Next Birthday

Her head ached intensely and her eyes were swollen from the tears the next morning.

She wasn't sure what hurt more- being toyed with by Bill or losing Severus's friendship. Seeing Bill and being with him had reawakened her feelings. She knew it was becoming a cycle and she knew she could never let it happen again. Bill knew very well her feelings for him and he played with them as if she meant nothing to him, not even as friends. She felt so stupid...

And then there was Severus. When she thought about her friends, he was the first one to come to mind. They had grown so close in the months they had been sleeping together. It wasn't about the sex, though the distraction was wonderful. She was terrified that he would never speak to her again, that she would never have his company again. She felt she had done him wrong by sleeping with Bill and he was obviously very angry about it, despite them never discussing monogaminity.

She didn't feel herself when she went to the Burrow that morning, Mrs. Weasley had owled her, informing her that she had left her scarf there. When she arrived, she felt unusually lightheaded and stuffy after Apparating. Perhaps it was because she had been crying all night.

She was ushered inside from the cold by Molly. The house was empty since everyone had gone to work, and Gwen herself was on her way. But Mrs. Weasley was staring at her curiously. Gwen felt panic rush through her veins. Surely Mrs. Weasley didn't know…

"You don't look well, dear," the matron said, sounding concerned.

"I'm fine," the girl insisted, wrapping her scarf around her. She just wanted to leave. She couldn't stand to be in this house, this awful, awful in house in which her memories with Bill tainted every crevice.

Mrs. Weasley put her hand on her forehead. "You're burning up!" she cried. She suddenly pulled the scarf off of Gwendolyn. "You're not going anywhere!"

"Mrs. Weasley, I have to go to work-"

"No! Sit down!" Gwen sat down on the couch immediately, irritated and upset and was now extremely angry that she had a fever. Why did she have to go get a fever? Why was she so stupid? She felt the tears coming and started coughing violently. Mrs. Weasley hurried over and gave her something to drink and Gwen was very soon asleep on the sofa.

XXXXXXXXX

For the next few days she slept in a spare bedroom at the Burrow while Mrs. Weasley tended to her. She had no say in the matter and she felt too dizzy to walk very far. She was ill, fading in and out of sleep all day and night. She faintly remembered hearing Mrs. Weasley say that it was due to all the stress Gwen had been under. Her body just couldn't take it anymore.

She dreamed vividly, but not of Bill. Her dreams were plagued by Severus Snape and she could scarcely distinguish her dreams from reality. She would see him in her sleep, convinced it was real, and wake up to find it not so, only to fall asleep again. They were together in the dungeons, on the Astronomy Tower, in Grimmauld Place, in Knockturn Alley. She traveled the world with him in her dreams.

He appeared in the doorway of her room in one dream, merely looking at her silently. He nodded at someone else, then vanished. She felt Mrs. Weasley help her sit up and she realized that it was not a dream. She became alert immediately.

"Severus…" she croaked.

"He's just gone, dear," Mrs. Weasley said, pouring something into a goblet for her. "He's brought you your medicine."

Gwen was still rather confused. She was light headed from sitting up. This was the first time she had felt truly awake in a while. "Medicine?"

"Yes, dear. This ought to clear you right up. Took two days to get it." Mrs. Weasley didn't sound pleased. "But here you go. Now drink the whole thing quickly- it tastes rather foul from my memory of it." Gwen winced as she took the goblet, staring at the murky liquid. She took a tentative sip. It tasted like peppermint candy.

XXXXXXXXXX

By that evening, she was able to get out of bed and go home. She thanked Mrs. Weasley profoundly for taking such good care of her and nursing her back to health. Though she had stayed at the Burrow for so long, she had not seen Bill or Fleur or anyone except Mrs. Weasley and Severus Snape.

She thought about her current situation. She was less heartbroken now than furious with Bill. She wanted nothing to do with him. She hated him, though she loved him, and she was determined to get rid of any thought of him.

Her dreams of Snape made her determined to make up with him. Perhaps he didn't hate her as she thought he did. After all, he did give her the potion that healed her. He wouldn't have done such a thing if he disliked her that horribly. Unless, of course, Dumbledore had forced him. Which was probable. But the constant wondering was torturous. So, she decided to try something.

 _Severus,_

 _I wanted to thank you for the potion you brought to the Burrow for me. It cured me completely and I am feeling better than ever._

 _I don't know how you feel, but as it is your birthday on Friday, I thought we ought to celebrate. Come to my flat at 8 if you're interested._

 _Best wishes,_

 _Gwendolyn  
_  
She read it over a few times. Perhaps it was too formal? Then again, how friendly could she be? What if he tore it up? Or burned it? Well, she wouldn't know until she tried. Terrified, she sent the owl on its way, wondering if Severus could still call her a friend.

If he didn't show up, then she had her answer.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She stood in her kitchen, anxiously running her hands through her short brown locks. She adjusted her glasses and smoothed out her red dress every few minutes. She kept glancing at the clock and playing with the ring on her finger. It was nearly eight.

What if he didn't come? He hadn't written back.

She was extremely nervous. She could easily imagine Severus tearing up her note. He was not easy to forgive.

But what if he did come? How would it be? What if he only came to tell her he didn't want to be her friend anymore? Would he really waste his time doing that?

8:03. Her heart sank to her stomach and she sat at her kitchen table. One of Snape's greater qualities was promptness. He wasn't coming.

Maybe she was wrong. After all, three minutes late was nothing. But then it was 8:08. Then 8:10. By 8:15 she could go no longer keep pretending he would be arriving at her front door.

She was wallowing in her despair at losing her friend when the doorbell rang.

 _Severus…_

She was tempted to run, but she knew he would hear her high heels clicking quickly against the wooden floor from outside. So she contained herself and walked casually over to the door. She flung it open, like a child opening a present. And there he was, in black dress robes and all. She smiled.

"Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," he said, looking at her as if seeing her for the first time. She moved out of the way so he could step in. "So this is the flat you don't let men see?" Gwen grinned. They were friends again.

"Indeed," she said with a smirk. "It's rather top secret. You should be honored."

"I am." She gestured for him to sit and she sat beside him.

"Well," she started slowly. "I'm not exactly sure what we ought to do." He raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I wasn't sure you would come," she explained.

"I would've been on time, but Dumbledore… delayed me." He made a face. He seemed so irritated by Dumbledore lately. She was going to question it, but thought otherwise. What on earth could they do that didn't involve learning or sex?

"Are you opposed to the idea of going out somewhere?" she asked hopefully.

He became extremely serious. "You know we cannot be seen together in public, Gwendolyn. Dangerous events nearly occurred when an acquaintance of Lucius Malfoy's saw us in Diagon Alley."

"You never told me what happened," she said, surprised. She had thought it resulted into nothing and felt rather guilty.

He smirked. "Before Lucius… fell out of the Dark Lord's good graces, he felt rather threatened by me. He was the Dark Lord's favorite and felt I was attempting to usurp his position."

"Were you?" She was filled with curiosity. Severus never really spoke about his life on the other side.

"Not in the slightest," he assured her. "I already had favor with the Dark Lord. My position has always been invaluable. Lucius… maliciously suggested bringing up the event in Diagon Alley with him."

"And what did you do?" The reporter in her was showing. But she didn't really care. Severus's role as a spy was infinitely interesting and mysterious.

"I told him to do so if he pleased, but it was no matter to me," Snape said, giving a thin smile at her obvious interest. "Lucius never brought it up again. But I don't know how the Dark Lord would have reacted if he had."

"But we ate lunch together in Hogsmeade last September," she countered. "Why was that okay?"

"You are my former student and a young, naive-" She made a face. "-member of the Order of the Phoenix. Obviously, I am trying to gain your trust and get as much information out of you as possible. Your status as an Order member was not known when Lucius saw us in Diagon Alley. Now, should someone question our lunch together in September, I have a much better reason to have been seen with you. But going out for dinner, dressed like this? Too many questions, too many assumptions." There was a finality in his tone.

She felt disappointed, knowing that he was right. They couldn't go to Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade together. But…

"What about Muggle London?" she asked suddenly, her eyes lighting up with excitement. She hadn't been there in what felt like ages.

"What about it?"

"Nobody would see us there," she assured him. "It's a Friday night and I'm sure no friend of Lucius Malfoy's would go to Muggle London." She grinned mischievously.

He seemed hesitant. She knew she was being rather childish. Risking Severus's position within the Death Eaters for a night out wasn't worth it. But she had a feeling within herself that they wouldn't be caught.

"We don't have to stay long. I have Muggle money- we can go to dinner and then come right back home!" She took his hand, to which he nearly flinched. They rarely touched outside of sex. "Please, Severus. I take all of my friends to Muggle London. Isn't the best place to hide in plain sight?"

He sighed and looked into her eyes. His eyes were black as night, the exact opposite of Bill's bright blue. But she could not compare Severus to Bill. They were from two different universes, it seemed. He finally muttered a "fine" to Gwen's utter glee.

"But," he said, interrupting her cheers of excitement. "You must tell me why you love Muggle London so much, of all places." Her face immediately fell.

XXXXXXXXX

Her mother had always been very close with her, her father not so much. Her father was a stoic, distant, and quiet man who didn't seem to care much for anything or anyone. Her mother was lively and lovely and friendly. She loved to read and learn and instilled a curiosity in her daughter that was never satisfied. Gwendolyn never understood how two people like that could get married.

It was her fourth year, Christmas holidays. Her mother met her at the train station and told her that they were going to London that night. Gwendolyn put on her favorite dress and she and her mother ventured into Muggle London. They ate at a restaurant and danced and danced. The night was still vivid in Gwendolyn's mind, just as vibrant and bright as it had really been. They returned home around midnight.

Gwen woke up the next morning and went to the sitting room to see a lot of her mother's pictures and trinkets were gone. Confused, she went to find her mother, but she was nowhere to be found. In fact, there was nothing in the house that showed she had ever lived there at all! She and her father looked and looked but her mother wasn't there. She had left, leaving behind nothing but a Claddagh ring and a daughter.

Gwen knew her parents had been fighting, but she didn't think things were that bad. She didn't hate her mother for leaving- she hated her father for making her mother unhappy. Her parents legally divorced while Gwen was at school. She never saw her mother again.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"And you never went to look for her?" Severus asked, as they sat in a restaurant in London.

"A bit, after I graduated," she said, feeling rather melancholy. She rarely ever told people that story. She was almost going to tell Sirius that story that day before they went into battle, but she didn't. Maybe another day, she had thought. There hadn't been another day. "She could be anywhere."

"Have you ever tried a Locating Spell? Or even just contacting her?" Gwen was very surprised at how interested in her story Severus was. Maybe he actually did care about somethings.

"The Locating Spell doesn't work and she doesn't respond to any owls." She shrugged and toyed with the little ring on her finger. "She's either dead or doesn't want to be found, so I ought to leave her alone." She considered telling him more, about how she still loved her mother and how that night in London was the memory she used for her Patronus. She wanted to tell him about the emotional struggle she went through, how Bill Weasley had been there in her time of need and that was why it hurt so horribly to have him do such things to her. But Severus certainly wouldn't want to hear that. "But enough about me," she said with a smile. "Let's hear about you."

He made a face. "What, exactly?"

"Tell me about why you became a Death Eater."

He seemed a bit taken aback that she had asked such a question and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"There are a lot of factors that went into that," he said slowly, as if he was trying to decide which factors to reveal to her. She suddenly felt a wave of nervousness rush over her, not sure if she really wanted to know. It had taken her a bit of time to see her professor as a good man after learning of his past.

"I suppose it began with the fact that I'm a dark wizard," he said matter-of-factly.

"What? You weren't always one though."

He raised an eyebrow. "I don't think you're qualified to make such a statement. Ever since I was a child I knew I was a dark wizard."

"How do you just… know something like that?' she asked, dumbfounded. She had never heard of such a thing!

"Gwendolyn, when you picked up your wand chose you, you felt a surge of magic through you- a certain pulsing light, did you not?" She considered it and nodded. "I did not. I felt it. The darkness. I'm a dark wizard. I've always been fascinated with the Dark Arts."

"So you wanted to be part of a band of other dark wizards?" He smiled slightly.

"In a sense, yes. But I suppose I've also always been a bit too ambitious for my own good. Lucius Malfoy approached me when I was fifteen, talking of power and wealth. It was rather appealing."

"Fifteen?" She was surprised. "Making such a choice at that young age?"

"There are sixteen year old Death Eaters at Hogwarts now, Gwendolyn," he said seriously. "As there are Order members."

"So you became a Death Eater when you were sixteen?" she asked and he nodded. "I think it's rather funny. Dumbledore's favorite was a Death Eater." Snape smirked.

"I'm his favorite because I am the Dark Lord's favorite. And vice versa."

"So you've been a Death Eater for... twenty one years?" she asked and he nodded. She nearly flinched at how much this conversation sounded like an interview. "Giving your life away at sixteen... I was so dumb when I was sixteen!" she exclaimed, thinking back on all the stupid things she had done.

"As was I," he said softly and she smiled sadly and touched his hand slightly across the table.

"Well," she whispered. "I think you've most certainly rectified your mistakes." He looked at her in a way she had never seen from him before, her hand still on his. She wasn't sure what would have happened if the food hadn't arrived at that moment.

XXXXXXXXX

They left the restaurant after they had eaten and were walking around on the streets of London. It was 10:30 and Gwen felt it was much too early to go back to Hogwarts- even though she had promised such. The streets were packed and the lights shined brightly and brilliantly and Gwen fell in love with the city as she did almost every time she visited.

She wanted to go to a bar she used to frequent with her group of friends from work, so they were on their way. They passed a man playing La Vie en Rose on a cornet in front of a park and Gwen tossed a coin into his case.

"Why did you do that?" Snape asked, glancing back at the musician as they walked away.

"He was playing for money," she said simply.

"I know that," he muttered. "But you didn't have to give anything, so why did you?" The song grew fainter in the distance.

She shrugged. "I like the song," she said, reflecting on when Remus would play the Louis Armstrong record at Grimmauld Place while Sirius sang drunkenly. "And I admire people who go after things they love." Snape said nothing but seemed to fall deep into thought.

XXXXXXX

It was midnight when they left the bar and Gwen was rather drunk. She adored sidecars and hadn't had one in ages- so she decided to drink plenty. She had even managed to get Severus a bit on the intoxicated side as well, which she found extremely amusing.

They were walking again and Gwen found it so funny that they couldn't Apparate home, so she burst into fits of laughter, to which Severus called her annoying. Both too drunk to really care, they continued walking around the big, endless city when they came across a man with a polaroid camera, taking pictures of couples as they passed for a couple of pounds. Snape quickly grasped her wrist and tried pulling her away, but she pulled away from him in pain from the pressure.

"Ouch! Why'd you do that?" she snapped, feeling slightly dizzy now.

"We need to go," he said, sounding much soberer than she.

"Why?" she protested, looking over at the man. The flashing light from the camera attracted her and she grinned. "I like the lights."

"No, we need to leave," he said, sounding earnest, but Gwendolyn wouldn't hear of it. The camera man had already noticed them.

"I want the lights!" she said, feeling drunk. The man came over to them.

"Picture of the lovely couple?" he asked, flashing a smile. He had the voice of a man at a fair. Step right up, step right up!

"Yes!"

"No!" Snape said, staring the man down with his cold, black eyes.

"The lady wants a picture," the man said, obviously used to such behavior. "Do it for the lady!"

"Yeah!" Gwen agreed, laughing drunkenly again. She could see Severus was a bit too drunk for thinking very much, just as she was. He didn't say anything, so Gwen took his silence as a yes and flung her arms around him. Snape tensed a little at her touch and Gwen beamed a smile at the camera as it flashed. Lights…

The man handed Severus the photo and Gwen gave the man the money. The man was walking away when his camera disintegrated into thin air. "HEY!" the man shouted, causing a few people to look at him. But the man suddenly looked rather confused and walked away aimlessly into the night. Gwen looked over at Severus who seemed rather pleased. When he felt her eyes on him, he offered her the small photo, but she shook her head.

"Keep it," she said, smiling dazedly. "It's your birthday." She yawned and felt sleepiness wash over her.

"We ought to go back," he said quietly, tucking the photo into his pocket. "But I don't trust you or myself to Apparate."

Gwen considered this, looking into the distance. The city was so beautiful. The night was sparkling with a sort of magic she had never experienced. "Grimmauld Place isn't very far," she said wistfully and he nodded.

There was a flower vendor on a street corner near Sirius's house. The man was showing a group of obviously drunk girls some daisies.

"Why on earth is there a flower vendor at 1 in the morning?" He asked incredulously. She giggled and looked over at the flowers.

"I don't like flowers. They smell like sadness. Except forget-me-nots."

"Wouldn't those smell more like sadness? Aren't they supposed to remind people of those they miss?"

"Yes," she said, her voice melancholy and soft. "But they have a sense of hope to them. I think they're to remind someone that the one they miss is coming back. You never see forget-me-nots on graves."

He looked at her again for a moment with the same look he had given her in the restaurant, but it disappeared rather quickly.

XXXXXXXXX

They arrived at Grimmauld Place for the first time since Sirius had died. Gwen cautiously crept into the house that so often haunted her dreams. Echoes of the past floated around her. Sirius's barking laughter rang through the hall along with Remus's jazz records. Mrs. Weasley's spaghetti was smelling wonderful and she wondered when dinner would be ready. Tonks ran to greet her but crashed into a table. She felt Severus's hand on her shoulder and the house went dark, silent, and empty again. The air smelled of musk and the past.

She glanced into the sitting room. It looked exactly how it had looked the day Sirius died. Her drunkenness was making her feel rather sentimental- more so than usual. But she knew, despite her addled mind, that Severus would not appreciate hearing about the group of friends he disliked so terribly. It was his birthday after all…. Even though it was one in the morning now.

They went up to her room and her hand touched the dusty handrail. Mrs. Weasley would have gone mad. They reached the bedroom and Gwen was in awe at how untouched it was. Her comb was on the dresser and she hurried over to the closet. Her spare clothes were inside. "I never bothered to come back for any of it," she said softly in awe. She looked in the bathroom and saw her favorite strawberry shampoo, rather old now, on the floor. She turned to Snape. "Nothing's changed here" She turned to him. "I want something that won't ever change," she whispered, approaching him. Sadness filled her heart and the alcohol made it hard to suppress. "Something besides this dusty old house."

"There is nothing like that," he said, his voice sounding empty. "Not even this house is the same."

"I know," her voice cracked. She wanted to cry. He leaned down to kiss her, to distract her from the sorrow she was feeling. It was working. It always worked.

When they were finished, Gwen rolled over to go to sleep, feeling the absolute exhaustion overwhelm her. She felt the bed shift and Severus was next to her, his arms around her waist. She molded herself to fit into his arms and slowly drifted to sleep.


	21. Occlumency

Things changed after that.

She would get out of work in the evening. If she felt up to it, she would put whatever work she had in her purse and go to the castle. Severus kept eating dinner in his rooms, so she would steal bites of whatever he was eating, to his dismay. Every night he would ask her if he should order an extra plate for her and every night she would tell him she wasn't hungry while she snagged another forkful of whatever he was having. Then he started grading papers and she worked on articles and proofread until they were finished or nearly finished. Then they would shag and talk afterwards.

Besides the frequency of their encounters, it was their talks that had changed the most since his birthday. They became longer and deeper. She learned about his childhood, details about his life as a Death Eater, and even about the spells he had created. She was learning to open up to him more, too, about her dad and her feelings in the world of writing and journalism.

And then there was touching after sex, which had never happened before but was now happening regularly. She didn't know what to think of it, but she definitely liked it. Sometimes, before his birthday, she would fall asleep feeling alone even though he was on the other side of the bed. Now, she always knew he was there, that there was someone there.

There were a few occasions where he was summoned to a meeting while she was there. She would finish his food and her work and attempt to stay up for him, but she never made it. Perhaps it was because she had never seen Severus right after a meeting and she wasn't sure she wanted to. She would see the marks on his chest when they were together in the nights following and he usually was a bit shaky the next morning, but she had no idea how he was fresh out of the torture chamber. She didn't understand- if he was You-Know-Who's favorite, why was he hurting him? She never asked.

It took her awhile to realize that Severus Snape had become her best friend and perhaps one of the best friends she had ever had. It was odd, really. She couldn't vent to him about trivial things like she used to do with Betty- Severus would tell her quite bluntly that she was being boring. She couldn't talk about men she was with because he was the only man she was having sex with. He was rude, and he never asked how her day was. He didn't care. But yet, when it came to the deep things, the important things, he did. When they talked about their pasts, he was interested and understanding.

She felt as though she had cracked his code. The world cared about trivial things and Severus Snape did not and that was why he and the world did not get along.

Work seemed so much more different now. She and her colleagues used to joke around about Cuffe, imitate Rita, and go out to London for drinks. But now, she barely spoke to anyone- not really even Betty. They didn't like her anymore and she could tell it wasn't just because of her success in the office. She had been acting differently with them, because they weren't in the Order. They didn't see life the way she did anymore. They didn't see the war the way she did. The war was black typing on yellow paper for them. The war was the death of a very good friend for her. The war was another friend living like a savage among wolves. The war was her best friend risking his life every week. They didn't understand and it distanced her from them.

So now she went to work purely to work. She received dirty looks all day long. Even Mr. Cuffe was noticing, warning her she ought to make friends or her colleagues would try to take her down. But she didn't want to admit that their hostility hurt her, so she did nothing about it. The friendliest words exchanged were between her and Betty making empty plans to go out to lunch.

One day at work, Gwen was shifting through some papers that needed revising, when Andy of all people came to her cubicle. His disdain for her was greater than most. "There's some guy here to see you," he muttered, walking away before she could ask anything. She sighed and made her way downstairs to the lobby.

"Kingsley!" she said, surprised. She smiled and he mirrored it.

"Hello, Gwen," he said kindly.

"I thought you were, you know." She made a face, knowing it wouldn't be wise to mention that Kingsley was guarding the Muggle prime minister in a lobby full of witches and wizards.

"I get time off," he assured her. "I was in the area and I was wondering if you'd like to get some dinner later."

She blinked, rather surprised to receive such an invitation from Kingsley of all people. She wasn't particularly close with the wizard, though they were friendly, but they had never really talked alone before. It seemed rather unexpected of him to ask. Her mind went to Severus briefly- maybe she could go see him later tonight- but then she smiled.

"Sure. Any particular reason why?"

"There's a matter I've been meaning to discuss with you," he said and her face fell. She was rather anxious all of a sudden, so he smiled calmingly, seeing the worry in her expression. "Don't worry, it isn't anything terrible. What time do you get off?"

"6."

"I'll meet you back here at 6 then," Kingsley said and she nodded and smiled.

As promised, the wizard met her outside the office at the promised time and they made their way to the Three Broomsticks. They ordered butterbeers and dinner, making small talk as they went along. She cleared her throat, still extremely concerned about what he wanted to talk about.

"So, er, what is the matter that you mentioned before?" she said, trying to sound casual. His face darkened slightly, but then returned to its normal state.

"There have been… rumors," he said slowly, his hands folded in front of him on the table. "Among Order members. Nobody has really had the courage to tell you, but… well, I felt it was a bit unfair for you to not know."

"Oh?" she said, injecting some false sweetness into her voice. So even the members of the Order had things to say about her? Perhaps Kingsley was a closer friend than she realized.

"It's nothing major," he assured her. "Most of the Order likes you dearly and don't mean you any harm and are very dismissive of the gossip. But some…"

"Moody, you mean," she muttered, very aware of the Auror's dislike for her. It was never very obvious- he just never spoke to her and it had never phased her. But he had been giving her dirty looks and snide remarks only recently.

"He doesn't really know you, Gwen," Kingsley said. "He's very suspicious of those he doesn't know."

"He was never like this before," she countered.

"Well, these rumors weren't around before."

"And what exactly are these rumors?" she demanded.

He sighed. "They think you're sleeping with Snape."

She laughed coldly. "Of course they do."

"They say you have lunch with him sometimes."

"I didn't realize having lunch with someone and having sex were synonymous," she muttered. "Are we not sharing a meal right now?"

"So you aren't?" Kingsley asked.

"No!" she exclaimed, hoping she sounded convincing enough. Kingsley was about to speak again but the food arrived and they both were a bit too hungry to continue the conversation right away. After eating a few bites, she spoke again. "So that's why Moody doesn't like me. Because he's convinced I'm sleeping with Snape."

"He doesn't trust Snape for a minute," Kingsley explained. "Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater." Gwen rolled her eyes. "He's the most malicious about it. Some others are also convinced, but they speak about it more as harmless gossip."

"Nothing is harmless gossip when it comes to Snape," Gwen said quickly, almost darkly and Kingsley looked taken aback. "Dumbledore tells us all the time we aren't to speak about Snape in such a manner. Imagine if You-Know-Who heard these rumors and what would happen."

Kingsley nodded, understandingly. "I know. I imagine the talk has started to die down- Arthur, Molly and Tonks have been really against people saying such things. But I believed it was your business to know what was being said."

"Tonks?" she asked, surprised. Her friend had accused her of sleeping with Snape and she knew for a fact it had happened before. Maybe Tonks was also a better friend than she gave her credit for. "I ought to thank her then."

XXXXXXXX

"Kingsley said you've been sticking up for me about those Snape rumors," Gwen said over tea the next day at Tonks's flat. "So thanks for that."

"Oh," Tonks said, waving it off. "It was nothing. I know you wouldn't be sleeping with Snape." Gwen felt a pang of guilt at the faith her friend had in her.

"You know, you never really told me how it went with Remus on New Year's," Gwen pointed out. Tonks sighed and ran her hands through her dark green hair. Gwen was delighted that Tonks was at least morphing her hair color again.

"It was good, I guess," Tonks said softly. "He told me he loved me, but gave that same damn list of excuses as to why we can't be together!" She stood up and started pacing. "Too old, too poor, too dangerous… obviously, also too stupid because he can't see how good we'd be for each other!" She stabbed her foot against a table and fell flat on her backside, causing Gwen to start laughing. Tonks laughed with her as Gwen helped her up.

"Well, at least you have a chance!" Gwen said encouragingly as Tonks sat back down.

"I suppose. He's gone back with the werewolves now. He's coming back in June." The two girls looked out the window at the rain.

"How is he?" Gwen asked softly. Besides dancing with him when he first returned, Gwen hadn't really been able to spend time with Remus.

"Sad," Tonks murmured. "He wanted to be happy and feel human again. He said in Grimmauld Place the jazz and the dancing would make him feel alive. That's why he tried dancing with you when he returned. But he said he just couldn't be happy on the inside."

"A lot of us feel that way. At least we have one another."

Tonks nodded. "When he comes home for good, he can be happy." She said it as though it was an absolute truth. She then slyly nudged Gwen with a smirk. "How was your time with Bill?"

"I'm trying not to think or speak about him," Gwen said rather quickly, trying not to let Bill slip back into her mind and heart. "But long story short, it was awful and I wish it would be erased from my memory forever."

"Well, cheers to forgetting the git!" Tonks said, lifting her tea cup. Gwen grinned and did the same, clinking Tonks's cup. If only there was a full proof way to forget said git, Gwen thought as Tonks broke her tea cup.

XXXXXXXXXX

"You told me you would teach me Occlumency after I mastered dueling."

Snape looked up at her from grading his papers. "So I did."

"And now I've mastered dueling."

He smirked. "That has yet to be seen?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, feeling slightly offended. She had worked and studied extremely hard to get to the level she thought she was at.

"It's rather different in a real duel than in the classroom," he said, going back to his work.

"I know that," she muttered.

"When you succeed in a real duel," he said. "Then we'll see."

She grinned. "You said when, not if." He merely looked up at her, then went back to his work. "So will you teach me Occlumency?"

He sighed and put down his quill, obviously giving up on doing any work. "Yes," he said quietly. "But you must understand the level of trust you must place in me. You must give me full access to your mind and if you're uncomfortable doing that, then I cannot teach you."

"Didn't you teach Harry?" she asked, knowing fully well that Harry had no trust in Snape.

"Yes," Snape said bitterly. "But that was only because Dumbledore did not think it would be wise for him to teach Potter. I am quite sure that Potter would have actually attempted to try and learn had Dumbledore been the one teaching him."

She felt a pang in her gut at the notion. What if Harry had tried to learn? Then maybe Sirius…

No. It was not Harry's fault, nor her fault nor Tonks's. It was purely Bellatrix's fault and Sirius wouldn't want any of them thinking any other way.

"So? Are you willing to give me complete access to your mind?"

She didn't even think about it. "Yes." 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The main idea of Occlumency is to be able to control your mind," Snape explained a few nights later. "If you can control your mind, you can shield it from outside penetration."

"So nobody will be able to read it?" she asked. He made a face and sighed with frustration.

"You sound like Potter," he spat.

She smirked. "They actually say I'm like his mother, you know." He ignored her comment.

"You cannot merely read one's mind! A mind is not a book! It is the most complex part of one's self and the power of controlling it is equally complicated!"

"Well, sorry," she muttered, annoyed at his impatience. "Can I control my emotions and thoughts if I master Occlumency?"

"You will have slight control over your emotions, yes." She beamed with curiosity and desire. To control her emotions and banish the awful thoughts from her mind would be utter bliss. "But to have complete control of your thoughts at _all times_ is extremely difficult. It takes years and years of time and energy."

"Who taught you this?" she asked suddenly. It seemed a very difficult art to learn.

"The Dark Lord started with me and Dumbledore finished," he said calmly, as though it was very natural to have both of the great wizards as teachers. "Shall we begin?" She grinned. He never wasted anytime.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

"Very well." He waved his wand and a Penseive floated over from a corner of the room. "You need to have a mental shield," he explained. "A wall so strong that none can get through it. To do this, you need to push every memory and thought behind this barrier so that when I attempt to enter your mind, I will find nothing." He put his wand to his head and started withdrawing memories from his mind and placing them in the Pensieve.

"Why are you doing that?" She asked.

"In case you end up entering my mind by some accident," he said nonchalantly.

"So I'm supposed to fully trust you with my thoughts, but you can't do the same?"

"I am going to enter your mind," he continued, speaking a little louder. "Your goal is to prevent me from seeing your memories or knowing your thoughts and feelings. Don't use your wand, use your mind. Control it." She blinked. He was reminding her of her Potions Master again. Despite her annoyance at his refusal to answer her question, she nodded, rather nervous. She wasn't exactly sure she was really ready to let Snape see _all_ of her mind. But it was too late for second guessing now, as his wand was pointed at her.

 _"Legilimens!"_

Her memories flashed in front of her, as though they were really happening right then. She was dancing with Lupin at the Burrow…. She was taking shots with her coworkers in London…. She was holding Bill's hand as they ran into the Forbidden Forest late at night their seventh year… There was her dad, her aunt, Mrs. Weasley. There was a suction-like sound and the memories were gone and Snape stood before her as she panted.

"Shit," she gasped, hands on her knees. "They were just coming so fast, I-"

"Block them out, stop them from coming. They aren't coming quickly- you are _making them._ Prepare yourself again. _Legilimens!"_

The memories came more slowly this time. She was dancing with her mother in the club in London, the lights dancing before her. She watched them in awe for a moment. _No!_ The memory moved away and Snape's face became more clear. She felt as though she was pushing them back, away from him. It was working!

" _Don't tell me you don't love me anymore, Gwennie,_ " The words rang loudly in her mind and Bill was in front of her and suddenly she was kissing him in the cold New Year's snow. _No! Stop!_ She felt her subconscious shouting. She didn't want to watch this! Her mind went into a frenzy. Suddenly she was running out her house the day she discovered her mother had left. She was screaming at Sirius in the sitting room of Grimmauld Place about Snape. She was dodging spells in the Department of Mystery. Sirius was falling into the veil, flashes of green light before him. _No, NO!_ She felt herself scream and fall, the memories disappearing. She was panting, hands on the cold dungeon floor, bringing her back to reality. She looked up and he was watching her, his face completely different from when they first started. "What?" she asked breathlessly, slightly embarrassed that she had screamed. She felt a hollowness in her heart at watching Sirius fall back into the veil.

"You nearly had it," he said, his voice and face emotionless. "You must control your emotions, not the other way around." He offered her his hand to help her up. She took it and rose, but did not let go once she did. She felt something was off. He seemed unusually monotone with her. He was always like this with others, but with her? Not usually and certainly not tonight.

"What's wrong?"

He seemed taken aback. "Nothing's wrong." He took his hand out of hers. "Prepare yourself- we're doing this again."

"No." She insisted. "What's wrong? You're not acting the same way you did before we started."

"Gwendolyn, don't try to get out of-"

"I'm not trying to do anything," she said softly, putting her hands on his shoulders. She could feel him tense under her touch. "Does it bother you when I touch you?" She was feeling rather brave tonight.

"You touch me all the time."

"I mean outside of sex, outside of your bed," she nearly whispered, looking into the black orbs. He didn't say anything for a few moments.

"No," he said finally. "It doesn't bother me."

She offered him a small smile. She was still curious as to why his demeanor had changed so suddenly, but she accepted he wouldn't budge. Still, she didn't like when he acted this way when it was just her. At Order meetings she understood, but-

"Severus, was there an Order meeting tonight?" She asked suddenly. His eyes suddenly widened and she burst into laughter.

"Why are you laughing? We cannot both miss the meeting!" He sounded extremely serious, but she couldn't help herself. She kept laughing, not sure as to why. This was something Sirius would've found so funny and it healed the slight sadness she had felt at seeing him fall into the veil again.

"I don't know! I just think it's rather funny." She shrugged, unable to express why. "I ought to go, then. There are more reasons for you to miss a meeting than for me." He didn't say anything, but continued to look at her. "What?"

"Nothing," he said quickly. "You're just rather odd."

"Why do you say that?"

"You laugh about the most trivial things. You're like a child." She smiled at him and shrugged again.

"But that's why you like me, right?" He didn't say anything and she nudged him in the rib gently. "Come on, admit it. You enjoy my childish nature. It lightens up the darkness in your life." Her voice was full sarcasm and she moved in a dramatic fashion and he rolled his eyes.

"Get out," he snapped, going to sit at his desk.

"Very well," she said, bowing in a theatrical fashion. "Farewell, Professor. Until we meet again!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

She had slipped into the meeting later, saying she had a pile of work and the meeting had merely slipped her mind. Dumbledore didn't mind- he was glad she had made it there, even if she was late. But everyone else judged silently, staring at her as though looking for proof that she had been with the only man in the world they thought was unacceptable for her. Perhaps she was imagining it and projecting this view onto them because of what Kingsley had told her. But she knew for a fact that Mad Eye Moody's scrutinizing eyes knew where she had been. It was rather awful, she had to admit. Out of every man in the world, she had to sleeping with the only one she shouldn't be.

Nobody mentioned Severus or her lateness throughout the meeting. They talked of deaths and disappearances and that Remus would be returning rather soon.

At the meeting's close, everyone dispersed. As Gwen was gathering her things, Dumbledore approached her.

"Gwendolyn," he said quietly, so nobody could hear him. "You haven't seen or heard from Severus, have you?"

She didn't want to look him in the eye, but if she did not, he would know immediately that she was lying. But Dumbledore had taught Severus Occlumency, so he himself must be a Legilimens. She looked at him and tried with all her might to build the wall Severus spoke of. "No, Professor. Why?"

"Oh, it isn't a matter of great importance," Dumbledore said cheerfully. "I was merely just curious. Good night, Gwendolyn."

"Good night, Professor."


	22. The Fight

_For those who read the story before, this is a completely new chapter. Enjoy!_

XXXXXXX

They had fallen asleep almost immediately after they had finished that night, leaving the large lantern in the corner on. It hadn't bothered her all night, but the draft from the doorway into the sitting room was now causing the light to flicker so violently and obnoxiously that she could see the light dancing through her closed eyelids. She groaned and stuffed her face into a pillow and started drifting back to sleep when she heard a rattling coming from the same lantern. The draft was causing it to shake now. She pulled the pillow up over her ears- maybe the sound would just stop? Maybe the draft would die down or cause the door to shut? _Maybe, maybe, maybe-_

"Can you shut the door and turn out the lantern?" came Severus's muffled complaint from the pillow in which he was stuffing his face and covering his own ears. She sighed and rolled over, eyes still shut, and grabbed her wand from the bedside table.

" _Claude ostium!"_ She muttered lazily, waving her wand. But she immediately opened her eyes when instead of feeling the familiar surge of warmth flooding through the wand, she felt a burst of ice cold. The magic spat out of the wand and slammed the door so hard it burst into a million little pieces. The lantern fell to the ground from the force of the door slamming home, the fire going out immediately against the cold dungeon floor, but the wax splattering everywhere. She stared at what her simple spell had caused, mouth agape. "What the-"

"Are you insane?" She heard him say quite loudly from beside her and she felt him snatch the wand from her hand. She turned to see that it was not her wand she had used, but his. _So that was why…_ "Who told you you could use my wand?"

"I…" She spluttered, confused by everything that had just happened and still barely awake. "I thought it was mine- I just grabbed the one nearest to me. You never keep yours on my side." She was staring at the wand in his shaking hand- Merlin, he looked _angry-_ in shock. That had never happened to her before.

"So _look_ next time!" He shouted and she blinked at him.

"I've used other people's wands and that's never happened," she said plainly, beginning to feel awake now. "That isn't normal."

"I don't give a shit if it's normal or not," he spat. _"Do not use my wand again,_ do you understand?"

"I'm not a child, Severus, you don't get to reprimand me like I'm one of your students-"

"You're not a child but you're acting like one! Do not use my wand ever again. You're bloody lucky nothing worse happened!" He turned to the mess. _"Reparo! Scourgify!"_ The pieces of the door reunited at the hinges and closed home and the lantern flew back to its stand, the fire out, and the wax disappeared off the floor. He sighed, glared at her, then put the wand down on the table on his side and laid back down. She stared at his figure for a moment, still trying to process everything that had happened and the strange sad knot she was feeling in her stomach. After a moment, she simply slipped back down under the covers and tried to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

 _Bang, bang, bang!_

 _Bang, bang, bang!_

" _SEVERUS!"_

Her eyes shot open and then immediately slammed shut as the sun was beaming directly into them. She groaned at the stinging light. Why was it so bright?

 _Bang, bang, bang!_

It was never this bright when she woke up here- the dungeon's were already much dimmer than the rest of the castle and it couldn't be any later than 7- Severus's alarm had yet to go off.

 _Oh fuck…_ She looked at the clock. It was already ten. _I have a meeting at the Ministry in half an hour!_ She sat up immediately and looked at him as he threw the blanket off of himself and got up.

" _Severus Snape, I swear on Merlin's grave I will break down this door!"_

He barged out of the bedroom and she heard him go through his small parlor and slam open the door to his quarters.

"There was truly no need for that," she heard him say, his voice rougher than usual.

"Really? No need for that when you completely missed your first class and your second one begins in thirty minutes?" She heard Minerva's harsh voice shriek. Gwen hurriedly glanced at the clock again. All she wanted was to grab her stuff and go, but if Minerva heard something, they'd be caught. "You're never late for anything, what was I to do? Just hope you were fine and weren't killed at a meeting?" Gwen closed her eyes again. She had never heard so much fear in Minerva's voice before. She knew they were friends, but she didn't realize how much Minerva cared for Severus. It made Gwendolyn smile slightly. He needed more people like that in his life.

"Minerva, I overslept."

"You have never overslept a day in your life."

"There's a first time for everything. Please, stop worrying." His voice was calmer now. Minerva sighed loudly.

"Report to Professor Dumbledore by 10:30. He wants to see you. I'll have Filius watch your class until you return from the meeting."

"Very well." The door shut and Gwendolyn nearly leapt out of bed and started changing. She didn't have time to shower- she had to report to Mr. Cuffe _before_ her meeting at the Ministry. He came into the bedroom.

"Why didn't the alarm go off?" She asked hurriedly, searching under the bed for her shoe.

"Because once the alarm is set, the wand cannot be used and if it is, the alarm turns off," he said harshly. She looked up from her search at him.

"Are you blaming me completely for this? I don't know how the wand alarm works, I've told you- I use a Muggle one at home."

"Well, it wasn't I who turned it off, so who else is to blame?" He said coldly.

"You could've turned it back on! You snatched your wand away and screamed at me for making a simple mistake, what was I to do?"

He was about to say something else- he looked very angry- but instead, went into the bathroom and slammed the door. She made a sound of frustration, applied a small scourgify to her mouth- her toothbrush was in the bathroom and there was no way in hell she was going in there- and left.

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Gwen, I thought you were supposed to come to the Ministry today for a meeting," Mr. Weasley said that night as Order members began showing up to the Burrow. "I didn't see your name on the visitor's list."

"Mr. Cuffe sent my colleague, Betty, in my place," she said with a shrug. Mr. Weasley didn't question it, but Tonks looked suspicious.

"Why didn't he send you? You're his best writer."

"Thanks Tonks," Gwen said genuinely. "But I wasn't able to make it. I, er, overslept." Tonks immediately looked upset.

"Gwen, you can't be oversleeping again," Tonks chastised. "She used to do that all the time, until she _finally_ figured out how to use an alarm a few months ago." _Or I started sleeping with a man who's never been late a day in his life until today!_ Oh no… she flitted her eyes over at Minerva, who was looking at her with a curious expression. Damn it! Now she knew Gwendolyn was also late. Professor McGonagall was not a stupid woman. She would figure it out for sure.

Dumbledore and the final stragglers arrived and the meeting began and the longer list of casualties was read. Dumbledore looked weaker today, his hand perhaps even more blackened and burnt, if that was possible. There was no good news to report, nothing hopeful to discuss, and even Dumbledore had no encouraging quote to deliver at the meeting's end.

She went to twist the ring on her right hand, like she always did when she felt anxious, but there was nothing there. Her eyes shot down to her empty ring finger and she felt panic flood her body. That was ALL she had left of her mother… she had definitely put it on this morning, didn't she? Yes, yes she did! She remembered playing with it while Mr. Cuffe yelled at her. So where had it gone?

The meeting closed and she started hurriedly looking around the sitting room as people grabbed their cloaks and began hurrying out into the winter air. Nothing- the ring was nowhere to be felt. She was nearly blinded by panic.

"Gwen, darling, supper's nearly ready," she heard Molly call from the kitchen.

"I'll be right there," she called shakily, now looking under sofa cushions. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

"Are you looking for something?" Minerva asked her, the sitting room nearly empty now.

"I can't find my ring," she said hurriedly, not stopping her search. "It's a small Claddagh ring, it's silver with a diamond in the center and it's gone."

"Have you checked your cloak? Or outside?"

"I haven't looked outside," she said, slamming the pillows back onto the couch. She barreled through the door, slamming it behind her, and nearly bumped into Severus, who was standing on the porch. "Oh," she said softly. She had forgotten about their bickering last night and this morning and wondered briefly if he too had gotten in trouble for being late. "Sorry about that. Have you seen a ring? The one I wear all the time- it's small and silver and-" He opened his hand in front of her and in his palm was her ring. "Oh my _God!_ Where did you find it?" She exclaimed, nearly laughing, overjoyed. She grabbed the ring and put it on her finger.

"I had it," he said and she was confused.

"I put it on this morning," she countered. "I remember having it on in the Ministry."

"You did," he said plainly. "I took it during the meeting."

She blinked. "Wha- why?"

"To get your attention, so you would come outside." She was almost angry at him- she had been so worried! But it was unlike Severus to do something like that for attention…

"Why? Is something wrong?"

He looked uncomfortable. "I didn't know if you would come tonight or if you wanted to come back at all… But I realized that the alarm only turns off when the wand's owner uses the wand, so nobody can sabotage someone else. It was my fault. Forgive me, I hope you didn't get in much trouble with your superiors. And forgive me for yelling, you didn't know about my wand. Nobody can use it, I don't know why."

She blinked. She wasn't sure she had ever heard him apologize before. He sounded almost childlike, ashamed, maybe even nervous. "Why wouldn't I come back at all? Because we had a row?" He didn't say anything- looking more uncomfortable than ever now. Hm. Maybe he did actually care about her. "Thank you for apologizing. I appreciate it." The uncomfortableness in his shoulders and expression melted away when she said the words and he simply nodded. "I know how you can make it up to me," she said slyly, raising her eyebrows slightly seductively, trying to make him feel normal again. He smirked.

"Indeed? Then I expect I'll be seeing you tonight."

"I don't know," she countered. "I'm rather tired. Getting yelled at by your superior for being late is cumbersome, as you are probably aware." Snape scowled.

"Indeed. He thoroughly interrogated me about why I woke up late," Severus said. "He's… suspicious."

She remembered what Kingsley had told her at dinner. "There are a lot of rumors going around about us. Kingsley and I went to dinner the other night and he let me know. I think we need to be a bit more careful-"

The door burst open and Minerva came out into the snow. Severus's face darkened immediately and Gwen felt awkward, as if she had been caught doing something wrong.

"Oh! I'm so sorry to interrupt!" She exclaimed with a smile. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright, Gwendolyn, you were gone quite a while."

"You didn't interrupt anything," Gwen said quickly, almost harshly. She held up the ring. "Snape here found it." His surname felt strange rolling off her tongue.

"Excellent, Severus, how good of you to help your friend. And I'm very glad to see you've decided to stay for dinner!" She said politely with a smile. Gwen glanced at Severus, who looked almost horrified.

"I was just leaving."

"Nonsense, you ought to stay. You're here anyway!"

"Why is everyone gathered by the door?' They heard Mrs. Weasley shout, coming towards the group. "Oh! Severus, are you eating with us? You're much too skinny, you must stay!" Gwen was sure that he had never been asked to stay directly by the Weasley matriarch, even though all Order members were welcomed. And while he was a rude person by nature, being rude to Mrs. Weasley was out of the question.

"Fine," he muttered and she beamed.

"Well then, in the kitchen! Both of you!" Gwendolyn awkwardly walked over to the door and back into the house, through the sitting room, and into the kitchen, the other three behind her.

The harsh brightness of the kitchen hurt her eyes. Kingsley, Tonks, Bill, Fleur, Fred, George, and Arthur were already seated at the table. Gwendolyn felt a sweet relief that Moody was not present. Bill and Fleur were talking and smiling, Fred and George were showing Tonks some of their products, Kingsley and Arthur were engaged in a very serious conversation. Tonks was the first one to notice that Snape had entered the kitchen with Gwendolyn.

"Wotcher, Gwen," she said, her voice rather monotone. "Wotcher, Snape." She didn't look at him.

"Wotcher," Gwen said with a small smile. Snape said nothing and she knew he felt out of place. He was an introvert who hated these people- and she had just told him about all of the rumors and that certainly didn't help. Of course he didn't want to stay. Fred and George gave him cold glances, as did Bill, and Fleur didn't even look at him.

"Good evening, Gwen. Severus," Kingsley nodded. Gwendolyn smiled. Always so polite.

"Sit down," Arthur said warmly and Gwendolyn eyed the two seats next to one another. She was relieved- for some reason she felt oddly protective of her friend. She didn't want to be separated from him when he felt so awkward.

They sat down and Mrs. Weasley served dinner and soon the entire table was filled with serious Order talk. Mrs. Weasley was worried about Harry and Ron and the other children, saying they were much too young to grow up so fast.

"They aren't as young as it feels they are, Molly," Arthur said kindly. "They're only two years younger than we were when we had Bill."

"Merlin's Beard! You had Bill when you were nineteen?" Tonks exclaimed.

"We were married!" Molly said rather defensively.

"That's maddening," Tonks said. "All of us here are much older than 19 and I know at least I'm not planning on having kids anytime soon."

"Nor am I," Kingsley said.

"Things were much different. More old-fashioned," Minerva explained. "The attitude was if you were ready to have sex, you were ready to have children. And if you're ready to have children with someone, you're ready to marry them." Gwendolyn and Snape glanced at each other from the corner of their eyes and she stifled a laugh.

"And things were more unified back then," Arthur continued. "There was not a small group of people in whom you could trust. Getting married was easier because you didn't have to be so wary."

"There were much more men to choose from than- what? Six single men in the Order of the Phoenix?"

"Mum, you did not just count Mundungus Fletcher!" George exclaimed and Gwen almost choked on her pumpkin juice.

"What? He is a single man and a member of the Order!"

"I severely doubt any sane woman would touch him with a ten foot pole, however," Gwen said and Arthur laughed.

"You're being a bit hard on poor Dung!"

"Well, it's the truth! Git's always drunk or falling asleep, he never washes either." She replied with a huff.

"He also always tried to snatch some our lingerie- do you remember, Gwen?" Tonks cried excitedly from across the table, nearly falling out of her chair. "At Grimmauld Place!" Snape raised his eyebrows and everyone at the table burst out in shock.

"What the absolute-"

"Merlin's saggy Y-"

"I remember! Dear God, I had to put security spells on my bras."

"Mundungus Fletcher is a mess of a man," Minerva said, the table finally calming down. "But there are other men in the Order-" Gwen could have sworn she glanced at Severus "-that have much better manners and are more…"

"Clean?" said Fred.

"Sober?" said George.

"Tolerable?"

"Human?"

"Quit it, both of you!" Their mother snapped.

"Even so, just because everyone else is much better than Dung, it doesn't mean they're good marriage material," Tonks said with a shrug and Gwen knew that if Severus hadn't been there, they would talk about him too.

"But even so, the number of young single men outnumbers young women by quite a bit," Kingsley said pointedly and Gwen realized he was right. Tonks was with Remus, practically. Emmaline was dead. It was just her.

"Bill had the best idea," Minerva said teasingly and slyly. "Date out of the Order and recruit them in." Bill grinned and kissed Fleur's forehead. Gwendolyn felt a slight bang at her heart and her expression darkened slightly.

"I'd say you single men are very lucky!" Molly huffed. "Gwendolyn is a beautiful girl. For the only single young woman in the Order, she isn't a bad catch at all."

"Alright, Gwennie, you're the minority here so you get the say," Fred said with a grin. "Pick one of the fine eligible bachelors at this table."

"You and George, of course," she said coolly, not allowing them to make the dinner awkward, especially with Bill right there. "I'm rather greedy and I can't stay put with one man for long." A few people laughed, "Gwendolyn!", Molly chastised, and she could've sworn Snape smirked.

"I ought to hook you up with someone from work, Gwen," said Tonks. "There's this really cute bloke who works in the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Name's Thomas O'Rierdan."

"I'm fine," Gwendolyn insisted, standing up to put her plate and glass in the sink.

"You ought to do it," Minerva cooed. "I thought you wanted to get engaged and married in the future? Unless you've already found a bloke you like?"

"I assure you, I haven't," she nearly snapped. Minerva _knew,_ dammit! And she was being so blatantly untactful about it. Someone had to talk to her about it.

"Alright you lot, out of the kitchen while I clean up this absolute disaster!"

"Do you need help, Mrs. Weasley?" Gwen asked her as the rest of the group slowly disappeared into the sitting room.

"Just make sure Tonks doesn't break anything in the sitting room," the obviously tired woman muttered and Gwen grinned and left the kitchen.

She noticed Severus by the door, putting his cloak on, and she wanted to approach him to let him know she'd come over that night. But everyone was already so suspicious and Minerva was also putting on her cloak. She made eye contact with him and raised her eyebrows slightly, hoping he understood, then turned to look for her purse as he left. Tonk hurriedly approached her and grabbed Gwen's wrist.

"What are you _doing?"_ Tonks exclaimed, her eyes widened, her hair turning red.

"What are you talking about?" Gwen asked, wrenching her wrist free from Tonks's grasp.

"You know what I'm talking about! Why were you talking with Snape? Why did he stay for dinner?"

She heaved a heavy sigh. "This again? He's my friend. I don't know why he stayed for dinner."

"A friend you had sex with?"

"It's not impossible, Tonks."

"He's bad news!" She insisted. "Remember what Harry said about the Unbreakable Vow!"

"What Unbreakable Vow?" Gwen asked, very confused.

"See? Snape didn't even tell you! I thought you heard at New Year's when Harry told Remus and the rest."

"No, I was…" She must have been upstairs with Bill by then. "I didn't hear. What are you talking about?"

"Harry overheard Snape speaking with Draco Malfoy about an Unbreakable Vow he made."

She had never heard about this, only that Harry had been suspicious something was going on between Snape and Malfoy. Why did Severus not tell her? _He doesn't have to tell me anything…_ She argued with herself.

"It isn't our business what he does to secure his position," Gwen said. "Just because he made… mistakes, doesn't mean he doesn't deserve a friend. Everyone needs a friend."

Tonks sighed reluctantly. "Just… be careful. Please. And make sure he isn't more than just a friend. No matter where his loyalties lie, falling in love with someone who has the Dark Mark will get you killed, Gwen."

"Falling in love- Merlin, Tonks, I-"

"Be careful," her friend interrupted, then walked away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning was beautiful, ethereal. It was Sunday morning and neither of them had work. It was raining and Snape was reading the _Prophet._ Gwendolyn had her head resting on his chest, reading along with him, showing him things she had written or edited. She would occasionally shut her eyes and rest again. They were relaxing in a sleepy, post-sex haze. They deserved that once in awhile, she mused.

He started stroking her hair and she closed her eyes. She liked that. She liked this. "Can we order breakfast?" She asked, breaking a very long silence. The only thing that would make this better would be food.

"If you'd like," he said. "Two orders?"

"I'll share with you."

"You always say that and then end up eating most of mine," he muttered and she laughed.

"I won't this time! I promise."

"You always say that as well," he said with a smirk, summoning a house elf and ordering one breakfast. When the elf disappeared back into the kitchens to get their food, he put the paper down.

"I could stay here all day." She said.

"You can."

"I could stay here all night too."

"That you can't do," he said pointedly. "I have a meeting with the Dark Lord tonight." Her face darkened, though he couldn't see it. She remembered what Tonks had told her about the Unbreakable Vow.

"I spoke with Tonks after you left yesterday," she said slowly, still unsure if it was appropriate to bring up. But she had always been too curious for her own good.

"And what did she have to say?"

"Well, she was talking about you."

"You ought not to be surprised," he said softly and he started stroking her hair again. It made her feel calmer. "She knows that we slept together before, she's obviously suspicious, especially after Minerva's foolish comments and us appearing at dinner together."

"Deny, deny, deny," she muttered.

"Precisely."

"Well, she brought up something I found rather odd." He didn't say anything, obviously waiting for her to tell him. She breathed in deeply. "She said you made an Unbreakable Vow."

The hand playing with her hand immediately withdrew.

"Do you not trust me?" He asked, sounding cold.

"Of course I do!" She said immediately, sitting up and looking at him. "I just wondered why… you never told me."

"Gwendolyn, honestly, when do I ever tell you about my dealings with the Death Eaters?"

"Not often," she admitted.

"And how often to I give reports to the Order anymore?"

"Even less often."

"My position and work with the Death Eaters has come to a point where I can only tell Dumbledore and Dumbledore alone of what occurs," he said, closing the newspaper and putting it on the bedside table. "Despite our arrangement, I cannot divulge any information."

"But was there a Vow?" She persisted, expecting him to get angry, maybe even kick her out. She needed to know. But he didn't and instead, after a pause, nodded. She said nothing else, asked no more questions, but laid back down with her head on his chest, and wrapped her hand up in his own. And after a while, he started stroking her hair again with his free hand.

Hours later, when she decided to get dressed and go home, she said, "I'm sorry if what they were saying yesterday made you uncomfortable." He raised an eyebrow. "About me getting engaged and what not."

"It didn't," he said simply, putting the paper down. "If you ever desire for a relationship of more… substance with someone else, you're at perfect liberty to go pursue one." She nodded slowly. The idea felt strange.

"The same goes for you, of course," she said, putting her shoes on.

"I won't."

"You don't know that."

"I do. Spies don't get married. This arrangement is risky enough in itself." She couldn't help feeling a little sad for him. A bittersweet feeling welled up in her chest.

"I suppose we can just do this forever, then," she said casually, with a teasing smirk.

"Probably not," he said blatantly, not looking at her, and the words stung. "I'm supposed to give Potter detention tomorrow night, so perhaps don't come till the night after."

She blinked, still taken aback by the entire encounter, offended, but she didn't know why. "I'll see," she said, rather harshly. He said nothing, but disappeared into the bathroom, leaving her alone.


End file.
